Mummy's little angel

'You can be independent. Make people forget the dreadful reputation of the family, the family you never had...'

Olivia Cane is has been her mother's little angel ever since she died. She can't help remembering her last words that have influenced her life forever. When she falls in love, people tell her it's supposed to be a blissful moment. For a girl like Olivia, with such a bold promise to her most beloved mother, it's plain torture.

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1. Mummy

I remember my mother every second. The way she hugged me when things weren't right, the way she smiled when things were right. The way tears fell from her face when she decided things weren't going to work anymore, the way she shrugged it all off when she'd found someone new. Most of the time I remember the stories she used to tell me about my dad, proud that that was the longest relationship she had been in, ie. 3 weeks.

I never thought she would die so early. I never like to talk about it, but I would go mad if I hadn't expressed it somewhere. I was only 7 years old, and by far too young to understand anything she had gone through. She would lie on the couch, ill from starvation, bruised and battered from those awful fights every night with her violent boyfriend, Terry. Even then every morning she would put on a smile and make eggs on toast, sunny side up, tidy the house and play with me whilst Terry was off at the pub. I saw the last of him when mum got admitted to the hospital, by a neighbour that was worried sick. It was a whirlwind for me, a whirlwind of worries and hopes and sadness.

The news came out on the 11th night, that she died of skull fracture. I got whizzed off to the social, hating everyone with the exception of my mother. I blamed myself for months and refused to talk to anyone about it, until I met my social worker.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about?" she beamed as she looked at my teary face.

Nerves tensed me as I recalled every moment I spent with my mother. The promises I bound with her from the moment I lay in her arms, to be with her forever and to be the ideal daughter. Now that she's gone, I can't fulfil any of those promises. Except one.

She told me to be independent. She told me that love lives never worked, and I believed her from the moment my dad set foot from the house for good. She told me to strengthen my family's reputation, and to never fall in love, because all it does is ruin you.

And now I realise how much she stressed that and all the reasons why. She never wanted me to suffer like she suffered. I keep that promise to myself, close to myself and I won't tell anyone.

I can't.

I shan't.

And now, when I'm walking into my school, I can see boys that I am ordered to restrict from. I don't care, half of them are already taken. There's Leanne Cooper, with her guy Jeffery, and even Katie Holbert with Ron. Even my best friend Tara has a boyfriend, that she's broken up with, like, a million times. Good for her. I'm not going to go there. As I walk through into the building, I wonder why I had to be so unfortunate to be me.

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