Alone.

Katie is a 17 year old struggling with friends, school and herself. Her friends have all turned against her and her smile has slowly drifted away. Shes alone and her family doesnt have a clue. She fakes a smile so people dont ask questions. Her scars tell a story. A horrible story. No one knows she self harms, or starves herself. She hates everything about her. But then summer comes along and for the first time in a long time she has a real smile. She gets to go to California to stay with her aunt. She is just happy she is away from everything. When she boards the plane an unfamiliar tall handsome man came up to her and asked her a question, "Is this seat taken?" That one question changed her life. How? Read to find out. :) Enjoy.

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4. Alone In This Cold Cruel World.

Katie’s POV:

I went into my room and laid on my bed. And just laid there and thought about everything. I thought Lindsey was someone I could trust. I thought she was my best friend. I told her a lot of personal things. things I would die if anyone else knew. Know that she is with Caitlin and her crew I know she is going to tell them everything if she hasn’t already.

I heard a car door outside and jumped three feet. It was my mom. She walked in and headed upstairs to my room.

“Why aren’t you at school? I got a phone call from the school telling me you weren’t in class. Where the hell were you?” my mom asked in a furious voice.

That voice scared me. I hated when she yelled at me.

“I’m sorry mom. I wasn’t feeling good at all and I knew if I went down the nurse she wouldn’t let me come home. I felt really sick. I’m sorry I’ll never do it again. I promise.” I said trying to persuade her.

“Yeah, I know you wont do it again. Give me your phone and computer. Your grounded for a week.” She said in a hissing voice.

“But mom plea-“

“No, ‘buts’ you decided to skip school so your paying the consciences. Now give me them.”

I did what I was told and gave her my things. she walked out of my room and into hers slamming the door. I don’t know why she was making such a big deal out of this. This was the only time I had ever done this. She thinks im such a bad kid that goes out parties, has sex and does drugs. When I am the complete opposite. I keep to myself. I never go out.

The fact of being out in public and knowing your being judged for the way you look isn’t something I want to do everyday. I am really insecure about the way I look. I hate the way my face looks, I hate my body. I am so fat that its not even funny. I weigh 160 pounds which is supposedly ‘normal weight’ for my age. But I don’t think it is. I wish I was 100 pounds. That would be amazing. I don’t eat anything. I starve myself because I feel absolutely disgusting if I eat. And if I do eat I binge eat. And then I go into the bathroom and purge it all back up.

I know that purging isn’t good for you. And can ruin your insides and teeth but I don’t really care as long as I get skinny. No one knows these thing about me. Except Lindsey. Oh no she is going to tell everyone about this. My life will be ruined. I wont be able to live if anyone knows. I hope and pray that she doesn’t say anything to anyone. I hope she has some sort of heart in her.

My mom walked back in my room and asked,

“Why is my first aid kit out? And why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh, umm I was making me something to eat and I was cutting up some lettuce and I accidently cut my hand. But don’t worry I cleaned it and its fine.” I said trying to persuade her.

“Alright as long a your okay. I don’t want you to turn into one of those emo freaks that cut themselves because they are sad.”

“No, I would never do that. Can you shut my door now?”

She didn’t say anything she just walked out and shut my door. How could she say that people that cut themselves are emo freaks. Who is she to judge anyone on the way they feel. If Lindsey tells anyone about my secrets my mom will eventually find out and I will get disowned by my own mother.

Its pretty sad when your own mother wont even care if you are so depressed that you have to led to cutting yourself just to feel your alive. I’m the odd ball in my family. Always have been. My mom doesn’t get me, she doesn’t try to. That hurts. I feel so distant from my own family.

My sister and brother both play all sorts of sports. I am the only one that doesn’t. I don’t like setting myself up for failure. Although I do that everyday. So it doesn’t really make a difference.

I have to try everything in my power to make sure my mother does not find out about anything. I needed to talk to Lindsey.

***

It was 3pm and our school was letting out. I was still at home. I texted Lindsey asking her to meet me at the park. She said yes and I drove to the park. Once I arrived my hands were shaking and I could barley breath. I didn’t know what was going to happen when she got here. When we started talking. I had to make sure she wouldn’t tell anyone about my problems.

I waited at a bench for about 10 minuets when Lindsey arrived. I started shaking even more than before. She walked over to me and sat down.

“Why did you call me here?” Lindsey asked in a hissing tone.

“I needed to talk to you.” I said.

“About what?”

“Oh gee I wonder? Only the fact that you totally turned your back against me and left me all alone. Leading me on into thinking you actually cared about me.” I said with tears filling my eyes.

“Like I told you. It was all an act. I never was really your ‘friend’ it was all just a joke. Caitlin wanted me to find everything about you. And I did. How you cut yourself, how you binge and purge, how you have such low self esteem, how your uncle raped you when you was 13.”

I couldn’t believe she brought up my uncle. At this point I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I covered my face with my hands bawling.

“How could you do this to me? I thought you were my friend.”

“Well, you thought wrong.”

“Have you told anyone any of those things?”

“Not yet. But its coming. And its coming hard. So be prepared.”

“Please, I beg please don’t tell anyone anything. I trusted you. I let my guard down for you. You are the ONLY one that knows any of those things. Because I thought I could trust you. Please do not tell anyone.” I said begging on my knees.

“Sorry, maybe you shouldn’t trust people. My job here is done. Goodbye.”

Lindsey picked up her keys and purse and pranced away. I couldn’t even look at her my vision was so blurry. Rivers of tear were just falling from my eyes. My life was ruined. All because of one person.

What was I going to do? There was nothing more to do. I gathered myself together and crawled myself to my car. I was stable to drive but I needed to be careful. I drove home and cleaned up my face before I walked in. I didn’t want my family to see that I had been crying. Then they would start asking questions, and the pressure would get to me and I would explode.

“Where did you go young lady, you are grounded!” My mother said tapping her toe on the ground, and arms crossed.

“Sorry uhm, I had to give Lindsey her notebook.” I said looking down.

“That’s no excuse. Go to your room right now!”

I followed her orders and went into my room. Where I was no computer, no phone, no nothing. Everyone was downstairs as I was upstairs, alone. I opened up my closet and pulled out a box. I opened it and there sat was 3 bag of chips, 4 candy bar’s, 2 diet coke’s, lots and lots of candy and lastly my favorite a little box of cookies. I dug it all out and stuffed my face with it all. I finished it all off with the diet coke. I was still hungry so I crept downstairs into the kitchen. We had left over tacos so I got them out. I made 6 tacos and forced them down.

I went back upstairs into the bathroom, stuck my fingers as far as I could down my throat until I tasted all the food I had just eaten all over again. This lasted for about 30 minuets. I wasn’t worried about my family catching me because my mom was all over their butt about getting better at their sports. That lasted for a couple of hours.

I pulled myself up, grabbed a towel and wiped off the spit off my face. I flushed the toilet and looked into the mirror.

“Worthless….” I whispered to myself.

“Ugly…..Useless……Fat……Unwanted…….” I kept repeating to myself holding onto whats left of me.

No one cared about me. No one. I lost all of my friends, my family hates me because im ‘different’ I honestly don’t see the reason for trying, or breathing anymore.  

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