Hannah meets Justin, however from bad experiences she finds her self feeling unable to love anyone fully. As they get closer Justin begins to wonder... What's gonna make her fall in love? When disaster stricks and life seems impossible... Will Justin be the anchor she holds on to?


23. Nothing Made Me Feel the Way He Did

It was like I couldn't believe what was being said to me. My face went blank. I zoned out, I no longer was listening to anything. I didn't believe it, I didn't allow myself to. I pretended it wasn't true. This was all a dream. I was gonna wake up! But it wasn't. I looked over at Justin. He looked like he was about to break down. I felt like I had headphones in, I was out of the world. We left the hospital. Drove home in silence. It wasn't until I saw myself in the mirror that I slumped on the floor and let myself cry. Justin walked in and went over to me, I allowed myself to grab onto him. I was shaking, so was he though. I don't think we said anything to each other most of the day. What was there to say? We just lost our baby. Ya the pregnancy was unplanned, but you grow to accept and find the good in the idea. That's what we did! But now the baby was gone. 

A couple days passed. I was sitting on the couch watching a tv show when Justin came and sat down close to me kissing my cheek. I didn't do anything, I wasn't in the mood for any affection whatsoever! " I love you." He said. I thought I was gonna cry again. I stood up I needed air! I grabbed my shoes and walked until I got to a park I sat at a bench and cried. All that I had been through in my life. Now this. Was it my punishment? Wasn't fair to Justin! All I had done by coming into his life was cause trouble. And honestly I was done with life! This was the last and final straw. No more. Justin was probably getting worried so I headed back. He didn't follow me out here. He knew how I worked, right now all I needed was space. I got in the door he came and gently hugged me, " I missed you." He said. I hugged him tighter, he brushed my hair through his hand. We pulled apart, " You ok?" He asked. I nodded and went upstairs to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face watching as my makeup smeared down my face. I had gotten rid of all my pills before I moved in with Justin I didn't need them then! I did now! I reached for something sharp, I decided I would cut under my breast. That way Justin wouldn't know. My hand was shaking as the blade got closer to my flesh. I put it down. I couldn't do it! But I found myself fighting my feelings and soon there was a small stream of blood. I dabbed at it until the blood stopped. " Hey babe you alright in there?" Justin asked. I pulled on my shirt and opened the door. " If you want something to eat there's pizza downstairs?" He asked. We went downstairs and ate. Justin sensed something was maybe up with me. Afterwards we watched a movie, I felt the pain creeping up again. So I went to the bathroom and added to my collection of cuts. Then I went back down and pretended everything was fine. I knew what I was doing was stupid but I couldn't stop. Before we went to bed Justin pulled me close and kissed me, I kissed him back because it felt right. Then we crawled into bed. It almost seemed like everything was perfect... But it wasn't. I know if I let him it could be almost perfect though. The next morning Justin was in the bathroom so I was standing at the mirror looking at my cuts, each day they got deeper. I added one just below where my bra came to. I heard Justin walk into the room I panicked I couldn't find my shirt. I tucked the blade in my hand and walked into the closet. Until he came behind me and wrapped his arms around me, right on the fresh cut. I tensed up and he noticed. Then he let go of me, but to my horror he had my blood on his forearm. He noticed and immediately knew what it was from. He swallowed. " Hannah." He began. I ran out of the bedroom and locked myself in the bathroom. He came to the door slightly knocking on it. " Hannah please open up?" He asked. I didn't say anything but he must've heard my shaky breathing and sniffles. I opened the door because it was only fair to him. He pulled me into him. Then he just held me for a minute. It was touching the way he knew exactly what I needed. " Hannah please don't hurt yourself, it wasn't your fault." He said. " I know but I can't help it, it takes me out of the reality. I don't want to." I said. Then he tilted my head up so I was looking into his eyes, " Please come to me when you are feeling like this." He said with a desperate look in his eyes. Then I kissed him like I've never kissed before. He must've realized because he pressed me against the wall and did the same. He carried me to our room he was over top of me and started kissing my neck, his hands made their way to my bra pulling it off of me, same with my underwear. I let it all happen because I wanted it too. I wanted him. Only him. Nothing made me feel the way he did. 

Hope you liked that chapter? Please comment! Thanks <3 xx

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