Hannah meets Justin, however from bad experiences she finds her self feeling unable to love anyone fully. As they get closer Justin begins to wonder... What's gonna make her fall in love? When disaster stricks and life seems impossible... Will Justin be the anchor she holds on to?


12. I Had to Get Out

At first an awkwardness hung in the space between us. I just wanted to go over there and kiss her. But I knew I couldn't. She was staring into my eyes, deep, really deep, like she was searching for something. I held out my arms wanting her to snuggle up in them. " I can't look at you any longer ." She said.
" Why?" I asked
" Because when I do I remember everything, the late nights, dates, kisses, tickling, laughing... Everything!" She said.
" Then come here babe." I said.
Reaching for her wrist to pull her in. I stopped when I noticed fairly fresh cuts. " C'mon don't do that, don't hurt yourself like that, please?" I begged.
She yanked her arm back and scolded me. " Look maybe we should try just talking on the phone, because I can't stand to look into those eyes."

I was crying again and it wasn't just because of Justin it was everything. All the years of living with a drug addict as a mother. The fighting between my parents, finally my mom kicking out my dad. The only person that seemed to care for me. Then he got in a car crash, passed away. I was even more miserable, I needed human closeness. All my toxic relationships with guys. The loss of friends after they became freaked out at my mom, and my self harm. The only thing that I seemed to keep was my virginity but believe me I almost lost that more times than I could count. If it wasn't for my talent in dance I would literally be on the streets, probably slowly dying from drugs like my mom. Melissa had gone to school in London with her bf. Last I heard she was engaged and pregnant. Living some dream life! It all became too much. I reached for something sharp. I dug it into my flesh and cut. I rubbed my arm. It was covered in blood. It stung, but helped me cope. I found myself doing the action again, I realized the cuts were deeper than ever. But a small slice wasn't enough, it didn't numb me from the other pain.

Justin: I couldn't believe I actually thought she was gonna take me back. How stupid had I been! Everyone kept telling me it was time to shut that door and open a new one. Let the past go, move on. They said I had so much, I couldn't blow this important time in my life. I kept continuing on tour, making millions, meeting amazing fans... I was living the life. And I felt I was finally maybe getting over her. It had been 6 months since the breakup. I still thought about her but I was moving on...
Hannah: I saw my arms and screamed at myself for doing such a horrible thing. But I couldn't stop, it numbed me. I wrapped a wet cloth on my wrists and went to find some alcohol. I found a bottle of vodka and poured myself a drink, mixing it with juice. I watched tv, every once in a while breaking down, throwing things around. Swearing after I broke something. I kept going back for more alcohol, until I gave up and just grabbed the bottle. I needed to get out! I needed out! I needed out! I grabbed my keys along with my bottle. I was driving down the highway, foot on the throttle, music blaring, swerving back and forth. When I saw a flash of a truck and everything turned black.
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