Sunrise


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1. Hurt.

My hands tightens upon the cold surface of the sink, as if it's the only thing that can keep me from falling. My legs are trembling and the cold night air, that flutters through the window and makes the skin on my stomach and legs contract. The cold wind makes the tears freeze upon my cheeks. I turn on the water, and watches as the rusty water blends with the blood there is already builds up on the white base of the sink.  It makes it look more severe then it probably is. I haven't yet dared myself to  take a look in the mirror, but I'm convinced It probably isn´t a good idea just yet. 

My stomach contracts again, and a urge to throw up shoots up through my throat.  But i know there won't be anything to throw up anymore. I force myself to drink some of the water there still is splashing down into the sink. The taste of metal from the pipes, blends with the already very pronounced taste of my own blood. I turn off the water and takes a few calming breaths. I know I'm alone now, so I break into tears. I berry my face into the t-shirt there is lying next to me. Somehow I've sunken down into the cold hard floor. The t-shirt is beginning to change color because of the blood.                                                                   My eyes are so filled with tears, that i can't even see my exact reflection as I stare in the mirror. But i manage  all right to clear up my face, set a stop to the blood there is flooding from somewhere behind my black hair. I wash out the blood there has clouded up in my hair. Vert cautiously, careful not to ruin the job I had done with the bleeding.  My very bones ace as if I've been hit by a truck. I can tell by my the way my stomach, legs and face feels under my hands that I'm going to bruise up bad. 

The sun is slowly rising over the rooftops, and the cold wind is whispering about a spring there is on its way. I slowly takes the few steps to the window. Every step hurt's and makes my ribs soar, but still I manage to reach the window. In the distance i can see the train station a train is pulling up onto the platform, how easy it would be to just take of.

I have a dream, and it is to leave this place, life and misery. I want to wake up one morning and smile, and not think why do i still breathe. One day I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna take a train somewhere and start all over.  

I sometimes forget time when i stand there in the window, my mind wonders of to the adventures i haven't yet explored. Or how easy it would be just to lean out of the window and let go. Would anyone even realize that i was gone, would anyone miss me ? The only thing keeping me from leaping out of the window and take the fall is my dream. 

My mind is driven back to realty with an unpleasent kick in the stomach, and what ever little contest I have in me leaves me. 

 

 

 

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