Our Story

Another entry for the Movellist of the Year competition.


2. The one at fault

How do you live a life of strength when you feel so weak? How do you keep your head up when people keep forcing it down? How do you look to the future if the past keeps haunting you? But how does the past keep haunting you if you are so busy trying to escape the present? How do you forget the memories when there is nothing there to cover them? How?

You are a 16 year old boy, and you have suffered from abuse from your parents for most of your life. Until about three years ago, you had managed it okay, not letting on that day after day, you would have to come home to a demanding mother and stepfather who beat you if you didn't do as instructed when instructed.  

It got to the point when you couldn't do it anymore. You couldn't keep living like this. You should have told someone, you knew that it was the right thing to do, but you didn't. So you found a girl who seemed helpless and you began to take out all your anger and pain on her.

Every day it was the same. You would arrive at school, then she would as well. You would hunt her down and she would try to escape. You beat her just as your parents did to you. You find that it helps. You feel like you have power, and for that moment, everything is fine. But then you feel weak. You know what she is feeling, because you have felt it yourself. You realise that isn't cowardly to think that life isn't worth living. What's cowardly is abusing someone else until they think that as well.

You just wish that maybe you had kept your mouth shut and it wouldn't have gone this far. Maybe it wouldn't have escalated to physical abuse, and then to attempted murder.

That's right. You had tried to kill the girl who did nothing to you. You tried to end her life when the one that you really wanted to end was yours. You were so desperate to not be hurt that you hid yourself inside this group of people and only came out when it looked like you could blame someone for your problems.

You decide to take a walk, just to get some air to help clear your mind. It is so filled with the past events of today that there is no room for anything else. You couldn't believe that you'd actually managed to let yourself do that. It blew your mind to think that you had become the person you vowed to never be.

Maybe you were just jealous of this girl. She had friends, she was beautiful, she was just... perfect. But now you had twisted her life just by one sinister thought of revenge. Now, she has no friends. Her next to perfect face was always threatening to let the tears stream down her face. Her mind was filled with memories that she would spend the rest of her life trying to escape.

It killed you to know that you could do that to someone so innocent.


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