Our Story

Another entry for the Movellist of the Year competition.

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1. The one being abused

How do you live a life of strength when you feel so weak? How do you keep your head up when people keep forcing it down? How do you look to the future if the past keeps haunting you? But how does the past keep haunting you when you are so busy trying to escape the present? How do you forget the memories when there is nothing to cover them? How?

You can't erase. You can't forget. You can't go back. There is so much that hangs over your head, clouding your thoughts and blocking your vision. The only way to stop it is to leave this world. No one will listen to you, they all think it's just a phase. They wouldn't care anyway. They're only good at making you feel unloved, useless, worthless, nothing..... they make you feel small and irrelevant.

It was another day. But something changed. It had all just gotten worse. Those people. They had moved on from just taunting you with their words. As you had been trying to escape the school grounds, they caught you. They didn't just push you to the ground and empty your bag or hit you or anything like the usual. They had pinned you against a wall and attempted to choke you. That's right, they were trying to kill you.

As you go back through the day in your head, you let the tears pour down your face. Your mascara leaves marks on your cheeks, and you're glad the people from school can't see you, it would just be another excuse for them to call you ugly.

You decide to make a life choice right then and there. It is literally a life choice. It will make you or break you. But you are already broken. Nothing can help you now. No one to stop you. No one to tell you that life's worth living. No one to say that everything will be okay. No one to care.

You grab a video camera. You don't know why you're doing this. Maybe it's so people can remember you. Maybe it's for those who may have cared. Maybe it's just so you can let someone know what's been happening in your life since you last told anyone. You could even be telling yourself all those feelings that you tried to keep hidden, buried deep so that not even you would believe it.

You switch on the video, and once you start talking, you can't stop. Everything just comes out, and you realise just how much pain you have been in since the very beginning. You realise that everything has been so much worse than you told yourself. You say that one day, maybe everything that happened to you will add up to something, maybe you did something and you didn't know it, maybe it was because there was something wrong at home for those people at school, or maybe they were just trying not to get hurt themselves.

As you talk, your long, brown hair falls in front of your eyes, each strand planting itself on your face that is already stained by tears. You stare at the ground and begin to get choked up as you try to talk beyond the tears, beyond the hurt, beyond everything and just concentrate on what you are trying to say.... what you have to say.

You get ready to end everything.

 

 

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