Complicated Love

it's about One Direction and an unlikely complicated relationship.


13. Complicated Love- Chapter 13


Chapter 13- Fear, Meet Life

It took me a minute to get to the edge of the pool and pull myself up. Slowly I climbed the latter to the diving board, one ring at a time. I wanted to stay and watch other people rather than jump, and I know there are people here to encourage me, and help me if I needed it, but I didn’t want anyone to know I couldn’t swim and was scared of water. I kept a steady pace for the first few feet up and slowed down as I got to the top. I took a few steps to feel how springy the board was before I stepped onto it. I  looked down before I took another step and realized how high up we were. I took one step and my foot slipped. It was almost in slow motion as I fell. I had both feet on the board then after a little slip on water, I was now hanging off the side of the boar. I couldn’t get up and I couldn’t open my eyes. I was hanging by my fingertips and if I opened my eyes I’d see straight down into the icy water that could kill me. I was shaking with fear and my fingers were starting to slide off the board. I heard someone coming up the latter when I heard Hanaa yell, “Claire hang on! I’m coming up!” I heard another voice yell, “Hanaa, what’s going on? Is she okay?” and realized it was Harry. He was closer to the top than Hanaa was. Both of them got up to me really fast even though it felt like forever. I was losing my grip and my hands were starting to hurt.  Somehow Hanaa calmly said, “Claire you’re going to be fine. Harry and I are both here to help you. We will get you down. But you need to listen very carefully.” I tried my best to listen but my fear and emotion were blocking everything else out. I nodded my head and tried not to show that I was crying. Hanaa knew how to talk to me and I think she’s one of the only people I would listen to for this. Harry was up here but he was letting Hanaa talk. I was crying and freaking out, but I’m sure I’m strong enough to get through this and pull myself up. I just need a little help getting there. Images of my mother were in my head and so was Harry. I tried to only think about him and hopefully that would help. Hanaa continued talking, “Let your right hand go and reach up with it. Harry’s going to walk over to you slowly and grab your wrist.” I felt his hand as I slowly reached up like Hanaa said. Harry whispered to me, “I’ve got you. I won’t let you go.” Next Hanaa told me to open my eyes and look at Harry. “If you focus on Harry you won’t think about anything else.” When I did, Harry grabbed my chin and made sure I did what Hanaa said. Hanaa was telling him to pull me up onto the board so I could fit a knee under my stomach. Harry pulled me up and I tried not to look him in the eye. Freaking out is bad enough but it’s embarrassing when you’re hanging out with your friends. The color was gone from my eyes and there was fear that was behind them return. I looked at my left hand on the board. If that slipped I’d fall straight down. I could feel Niall, Louis, Liam, and Zayn’s eyes on me. I straightened out my left knee and kneeled on my right knee. Harry grabbed both of my hands with one hand and pulled me up. My knees buckled and I didn’t move. I felt like my body froze and couldn’t move. Harry kissed me and walked her to the end of the board. Hanaa went down, then Harry, then me. Hanaa and Harry both said if I needed to, I could stop and breathe, and if I slipped, both of them are ready to catch me. But I didn’t want to stop. I was going to get off of this board without stopping and face my fear of diving boards. If I climbed one successfully I wouldn’t care what happened. The other 4 were at the bottom of the latter shouting encouraging comments up at me. When all of our feet were firmly on the ground, we went into the bathrooms to change and sat down for a movie. I loved the theatre. It feels like home and at the same time has the atmosphere of an actual movie theatre. Harry went and got a drink for us to share, and some popcorn. I think Harry was going to see if he could get me to talk about my fear of water, but I won’t. Hanaa didn’t like popcorn so she and Louis shared a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and a soda. I was too dazed to think about the movie, I think Harry was too and when he noticed he kissed me. I tried really hard to smile but my lips quivered too much. At the end of the movie Harry brought me upstairs to his bedroom. It was a big cut off place from the rest of the house where we could talk and not be interrupted. I figured Harry was going to say something like, “Are you alright? What happened when you were on the diving board?” and he did. I responded, “I don’t want to talk about it. It was nothing really; I slipped and almost fell…” Harry stopped me by a sweet, gentle kiss that meant he didn’t care what was wrong; he will not leave me alone until I was smiling again. He pulled away and I knew I didn’t have a choice. “Tell me, and don’t worry about me.” So I started talking, “I’m afraid of water and I can’t swim. Hanaa only knows because I freaked out after I went with her to a pool party and refused to go into the water. I can’t explain why I’m afraid of it, I just am. I’ve been able to avoid it all my life, and when I heard you say we were going swimming, I told myself I was going to have to face my fear because I didn’t want to ruin the perfect day you had planned for us. I’m sorry if I already did.” I gave me a sideways glance hoping I hadn’t ruined the day. Harry was thinking of what to say and staring at the wall the way he did when he stared at me at school. I started to get up and walk away because I thought I had ruined everything but he said, “Claire, you can come to me about anything. Even if it’s as small as a fear of water, if we need to change our plans we will. Don’t think your ruining it just because of a fear. Everyone feels that way at some point in time because everyone has a fear.” I looked up at him and felt so relieved, he looked like something that could only exist in a magazine but was real and right next to me. I didn’t think anyone would ever say that to me and I asked, “Why?” my voice cracked but he ignored it and simply said, “I love you.” 

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