She's Not Afraid - A Louis Tomlinson Fanfiction

21-year old Louis Tomlinson is a normal college student studying at London University: He’s living a good social life with his four best friends, partying and making plans for his very near future. But then something new and unpredictable got pushed into the picture: Love. Before Louis knows it, he’s fallen for a girl that he barely knows - and she is basically the definition of a "wild child". As their relationship sprouts, he will have to face problems he had never dreamt of handeling before and feel the backside of the gold medal known as love: Betrayal, hatred, loss and misery. *Check out the trailer in the sidebar! :)*

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20. Chapter Nineteen

 

The hole in my heart didn’t seem to heal; it stayed just as empty as it had become the day Louis left. It was like we’d never been together. All that I now had left of him was a phone number I didn’t dare trying to call, and the sweatshirt of his I had been wearing the day we broke. All of the memories, good and bad, popped right up in my mind, when I put my nose close to the fabric. The smell of his sweet Hollister perfume still lingered to the shirt, making me remember it all like it was yesterday. I saw our relationship flicker before my eyes every time; how I from the very beginning had led him on as the selfish human being I am.

How could I ever have been so stupid? Letting him go felt like going through hell and back again. He was the best thing I had ever had, and I had let him slip right out of my fingers.

What if Fletcher and I had never met? I could then imagine that I would probably still be with Louis … and I wanted that to be the reality more than anything.

 

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And I’ve always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable distance

And up until now I had sworn to myself

That I’m content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

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My heart was pumping with all of these confused feelings, but somehow one of them managed to fill the most. It felt wrong and delayed, but it was there. I could feel it flutter around in my stomach like some crazy animal, constantly screaming to get out.

And what was the big deal after all? I knew now.

I loved him.

 

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Well, you are the only exception

You are the only exception

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LOUIS’ POV

 

Baby, you’re a firework! Come on, let your colors burst,” I gladly sang along to the radio sounding in the kitchen. I smiled a little as I opened my refrigerator and took out the milk; that song always got me in a good mood. I poured the milk over my cereal in a thin ray, before I put it back into the refrigerator. I then grabbed a spoon from one of the drawers and shoved it down into the cereals, still humming along to the song.

Late mornings like these were nice. Sundays to me meant sleeping in and not doing an effort to get anything done—which today included breakfast. Cereal was much better anyway; it tasted amazing with the right dose of sugar and I escaped the possibility of burning another meal whilst cooking it.

I grabbed the bowl and started shoving the cereal into my mouth whilst walking the last few steps towards the dining table. I settled down on one of the chairs by the table and pulled out my phone from my pocket whilst still eating. I noticed the new text that was on my screen in the second I laid my eyes on it.

 

From: Nialler

Come to my house tonight—there’s parteeeey!

 

I smirked at the invitation, before quickly answering the text.

 

To: Nialler

Is there going to be alcohol?

 

He replied within the minute.

 

From: Nialler

I’m Irish. What do you expect?

 

To: Nialler

Riverdancing.

 

From: Nialler

Cross that too.

 

To: Nialler

Hah, I’ll be there, mate ;)

 

From: Nialler

You better be!

 

I was just about to text him something back, when I heard a faint knock on my front door. I put my phone back in my pocket, dropped the spoon in the cereal and hurried out to the kitchen to turn the volume of the radio down to a reasonable level. Another knock sounded and I yelled a short, “Just a moment!” before walking out and opening the door. And what a surprise I got when I saw who was standing on my doorstep.

“Jess?” I stammered, unsure if my eyes were tricking me. I shut my eyes in a brief blink and when I opened them again, she was still standing before me. I wasn’t dreaming.

“Can I come in?” she asked, her big, grippingly grey eyes staring into mine. I felt like slamming the door in her face when I heard her request, but the small frown on her face and the way she nervously chewed on her full lips made me change my mind. She looked so anxious, if not miserable, that I couldn’t bear to shut the door for her.

“Um, yeah. Sure,” I said, stumbling over the words. I stepped aside, allowing her to come inside. She carefully took the one step through the doorway, before she stopped to look at me. “Thank you,” she said and a small smile appeared on her lips. She walked past me into the living room without dropping her coat at my hall stand - I supposed she wasn't going to stay for a long time.

“So,” I said, awkwardly scratching the back of my neck as I walked up to her. “I can figure you came here for a reason.”

“Yes, I …” she started out, but quickly seemed to loose her words. As the silence between us grew tenser, I shoved my hands into my pockets and started to exanimate the lines in my tree flooring.

“I guess I just wanted to talk to you,” Jessica said, finally breaking the silence. My eyes moved in an instant from the floor to her eyes. She wanted to talk to me? Why? We had broken up; trying to get over her was hard enough, and coming to my flat and asking me to talk with her only made it worse. I heard my thoughts speaking aloud: “Why?”

She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “I missed the sound of your voice.”

“But how is that ev—” It had become quite a habit of ours to cut off each other’s words before we had finished saying them with kisses; and now, this was what she did.

Jessica leaned closer to me and before I knew it, her lips had crashed onto mine. It wasn’t like one of the many passionate kisses we had shared before; this time it just felt … real. It was chaste, tender and sensitive. Once again, it was like time stopped and the only persons left in the world was us. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me.

What was I even thinking? What was I doing? We weren’t together, and I thought I had made that clear to her … but had I even made it clear to myself? Because here I was, holding her in my arms and only wanting more of her than I probably should.

 

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Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin'

Do you feel my heart beating?

Do you understand?

Do you feel the same?

Am I only dreaming?

Is this burning an eternal flame?

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