She's Not Afraid - A Louis Tomlinson Fanfiction

21-year old Louis Tomlinson is a normal college student studying at London University: He’s living a good social life with his four best friends, partying and making plans for his very near future. But then something new and unpredictable got pushed into the picture: Love. Before Louis knows it, he’s fallen for a girl that he barely knows - and she is basically the definition of a "wild child". As their relationship sprouts, he will have to face problems he had never dreamt of handeling before and feel the backside of the gold medal known as love: Betrayal, hatred, loss and misery. *Check out the trailer in the sidebar! :)*

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9. Chapter Eight

 

It was funny how the girls wouldn’t say his name. It was me he had torn apart, broken in a million pieces and sent through hell and back, and I could still say his name. It was easy to remember and so ordinary—but ordinary can be a façade.

Fletcher. That had been his name. And now that it had been such a long time ago I had thought of him, all the pain from those months came rushing right back to me. I felt it as the pain got stuck in my heart once again; and it was just as unbearable as the previous times.

Never ever was I going back there again. I swallowed a lump as the nightmare flashed before my eyes in glimpses as if it was yesterday it had all happened.

 

He slammed the door open and almost fell over the doorstep when he tried to step inside. I quickly stood up from the big, light-brown armchair and rushed over to him with a deeply anxious frown planted on my face. I tried to support him, but he only rejected my help by pushing me away. “Get away from me,” he hissed predatorily. I pursed my lips and held in a sigh. His breath stank of alcohol and his behavior was already getting on my nerves. I hated the times when he got home intoxicated. But even though I hated seeing him like this, I knew he would be all right and back to his normal self the next morning.

Fletcher’s red and worn sleeve brushed the bare skin on my arm when he walked past me in a few clumsy steps. I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re drunk again,” I whispered whilst looking down at the coarse and dirty floor. “What happened, baby?” I asked him solicitously and tried to get his attention. When he came home like this something was always terribly wrong.

Fletcher turned around in a swift movement to regard me. His green eyes pinched slowly together and he let his tongue slip out of his mouth to moisten his lips.

“You,” he clenched through his teeth. “You happened.”

His words literally took my breath away: My breath turned into panicked gasps and my tongue tied completely together. How could I be the flaw he had gotten drunk over? He loved me and I loved him back; we loved each other and that was all that was supposed to matter.

“I—” I started to stutter, “let’s t-talk about this, babe. You just n-need to calm down and then w-we can get this r-resolved…”

“You don’t get it,” Fletcher snapped at me and took a step closer to me. “This cannot be resolved. You will never be able to resolve this.” He walked closer to me and for each step he took, I took one back; but why, I asked myself? He didn’t threaten me in any way! He only scared me. My cheeks were slowly getting wet and I took a hand to my face. I was startled when I found out I was crying.

“You’re so ugly when you cry,” Fletcher said and pointed a shaky finger at me. “You are ugly all of the time, if I have to tell you the truth.”

 The tears were now streaming down my face and dripping down my chin, where they hit my shirt. My back hit the wall with a bump and I couldn’t move out of place. I was trapped.

He took the last few steps up to me and then pinned me to the wall by settling a hand on the wall on each side of my head. “You don’t deserve to be with me,” he said with a voice as cold as ice. “You don’t deserve to be with anyone at all.” My sobs got worse and louder when he started spitting out infinite and what seemed to be limitless insults at me: “You are such a slut; nothing else but trash. You will never succeed in anything, Jessica. You are stuck in your life and you will never be able to move on. Nobody loves you. Nobody. At least I know I never have.”

I wished to God that he would just let me go, or that I had the strength to run out of the door and never turn back. But none of these things seemed to be possible. I was stuck in the horror of the moment. For each thing he said to me, the more they would start to establish themselves in my mind. Because I was stuck in my life—I had been for such a long time. And there wasn’t someone left to love me anymore: My parents had practically been ignoring me for the past few months and the last time I had been told that someone loved me was ages ago—at least that was what if felt like.

Fletcher’s face was right in front of mine, but it didn’t make me feel comfortable at all. This was not like the previous times we’ve had, as in which I would have kissed his lips a long time ago. “I would love any other girl than you,” he whispered in his deep, husky voice. “In fact, I already have.”

That was it. It was the last thing he needed to say to make me break down.

I let out another heartbreaking sob as my body went completely limp. He released his grip on my arms and I immediately slid down the wall and fell to the floor. I looked up at Fletcher and into his stern, blue eyes. Then I watched him as he turned around, walked out of the door and shut it behind him. I lent against the wall and tried to catch my breath, but only let out more sobs.

Nothing mattered anymore. My boyfriend had hurt me in any way possible; he had mocked me and most importantly, been me unfaithful with another girl. The stinging pain in my heart kept on hurting as I sat there for what seemed like hours.

It was over.

But even though I knew I shouldn’t, I still loved him so much. He was my first, and it hurt me to realize now how wrong I had been about him.

Actions could hurt.

Words could, too.

 

I could still remember how the days, weeks and months had passed me by like a breeze. Getting over “The Fletcher Terror”, as I sometimes would call it, was harder than everything else I had ever done. Every time I turned a corner he would be there—but only in my mind.

Letting go can be hard to do, but forgetting can be even harder.

After a few months of the most hurtful heartache, my heart slowly started to repair itself. I would stop believing in the words he had told me and I would stop seeing him in everything I did. For the first time in ages I could be myself again. I could let myself be happy. Letting the words slip out of mind made me feel free again.

It had been two years since Fletcher walked out of the door and never came back, and I was now unbroken. I had forgotten him completely until Jordan and Chloe brought him up; of all times they could have done this, they chose to do it when I was talking about Louis. And I understood them, I really did: They thought my previous affair with Fletcher was going to repeat itself, and they were anxious for me. They were scared that I might have a break down again and none of them wanted to see me like that once more.

I was miserable to admit that I agreed with them. After Fletcher I had vowed to myself that I would never get too close to a guy ever again, because I only would end up brokenhearted. I had completely forgotten about my promise throughout the past year, but maybe it was time for me to think about it now…

What if Louis would only end up hurting me and I would be left back with my heart in a million pieces, once again?

I couldn’t let that happen.

“Girls, you don’t have to worry about me,” I said and took a deep breath. There was only one way to resolve this whole thing; and I knew that it would only bring me trouble. “I’m not going to see him anymore.”

Jordan and Chloe glanced at each other, still with anxiously furrowed eyebrows. It looked like they were trying to tell if I was saying the truth or if I was just messing with him.

“I’m serious,” I told them. I heard a relieved sigh from both of them as they collapsed on the bed.

“I think you are doing the right thing,” Chloe said.

My friends might think that the best for me was to stop seeing Louis, but I knew that I would not be able to stay away from him. I really, really liked him. All about him was amazing; his gorgeous blue eyes, his roguishly smile, his irresistible lips and his muscular arms that made me feel so secure, when he held me close. I couldn’t let go of him, but I could let my friends believe that I would. When first I had planted the thought in their minds, they would stop bothering me and asking me unreasonable questions. 

I would have to keep things with Louis on a reasonable low level. I wasn’t ready to becoming just as close to a guy as I had been with Fletcher—and until I was, I wouldn’t take it too much further with Louis: For a while, at least.

I had to tell him that he couldn’t let anyone know about us dating. I didn’t want to get hurt again and this was my solution. The most important part of this whole thing to remember, was that I couldn’t let my true feelings show at any point; Louis would easily guess his way to what had happened between me and Fletcher. I didn’t want him to ever know, so I had to hide it carefully away. Everything; no matter what the cost. 

 

 

LOUIS’ POV

I was sitting in my flat and watching a movie in the TV when my phone vibrated against my thigh. I fished it up of my pocket and looked at the up-lit screen’s display.

 

From: Secret number

You need to meet me in the coffee shop—now. Jess x

 

I bit my lip when I read the last part of the text … kisses from Jessica. Maybe she had liked the kiss earlier today just as much as I had? I had felt the sparks flying so clearly between us that it would be hard to think that she thought otherwise about me.

I didn’t hesitate on getting up from my sofa, even though it was crazily comfortable and I could lie there for hours more. I grabbed my jacket that hung on one of my maroon dining chairs and walked out of the door, locking it behind me. I shot a look at my watch. It was too late for the shop to be open, but I would go anyways—if Jessica wanted me to come I would be there as fast as I possibly could.

 

As I had expected it to, the coffee shop was closed for the day. A sign on the window said, “We’re closed!” and most of the lights had been turned off, so only a few spots of the shop were up-lit in the low lighting. The only person within my point of view was a young woman walking around the shop’s floor with a tea towel thrown over her shoulder. She had her back turned to me, but I knew the moment I saw her it was Jessica. Her long, brown hair was hanging loose down her back and her wavy curls hopped a little each time she took a step. She looked flawless as always.

I walked through the doors to the shop, but she didn’t seem to notice my entry. Jessica was cleaning the last few tables for spots of different kinds of cakes and coffee with a grey cloth, when I silent as the night sneaked up behind her and placed my arms around her waist. “Hey beautiful,” I said. Her hair flipped as she turned around by the sound of my voice. I smirked and leant in to slowly kiss her soft, pink lips.

Kissing her for the second time felt just as wonderful and amazing as the first. When our lips locked together it was like they fit perfectly together, like they were meant to be touching.

Jessica hung on for a little while longer before she abruptly broke off. “Hey.”

“I’m here,” I cockily said and felt a smile taking its form in the corner of my mouth.

“I see,” she grinned. The happy twinkle in her eye suddenly went dead and a new cold one took its place. “I have a request,” she flatly said. My forehead got furrowed when I sensed something was off.

“Sure, babe,” I said and nodded at her as to tell her to move on. She took a deep breath, before she told me what was on her mind.

“No one can know about us.”

A strike of mixed feelings hit me hard; a growing fear, anxiety and confusion. What was she talking about? We weren’t even together—we’d only been on one date and shared a few kisses. The shock from her words took my breath away. I had an urge to turn away from her and her cold, grey eyes and slam the door to the shop as I fled from the place, but something told me that it was not the time; that if I did that I would hurt her just as much as she did me just a moment ago.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I studied her pretty eyes that had turned into clear anxiety. She was obviously worried because I hadn’t said a word since her declaration and my face had become completely expressionless. It was her, who wanted us to be kept in secret, wasn’t it? Jessica wouldn’t have requested this if it hadn’t been something that meant a great deal to her; I knew her well enough to know that. Maybe this was for the best: She had to have a reason, even though she wasn’t ready to tell me about it in this instant.

Before I knew it my face had turned back to normal and the words had slipped.

“All right. I won’t.”

A small, credulous smile slowly spread on her lips. “Are you serious?” she happily said and threw her arms around my neck. I pulled her closer to me, until her head lied safely on my chest and her calm breathing tickled against my skin; just the way I liked to hold her.

“This means everything to me,” she whispered. “It really does.”

I hoped so, too.

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