Jim's Holy Diary 2010

Jim tells the story of his life, week by week

© Tee Heebee, 2013


5. Week 5 January 29- February 4

January 29: Have you ever done something naughty, no I haven't either.

January 30: Today a took an shit in the car parked outside it was called a LAM_BOUR_GHI_NI. Never heard of that before either. If you like sweeties put your hand in the air if you don't like sweeties then you are a retard which I am not. then I ate the Tv. It tasted like a pinapple squashed down a flute after it got raped by a zebra in jeans, and that was just the on button.

January 31: I wrote a song today (sing to the tune of Forget You by Cee-lo-Green) I see you eating some chips with that girl I raped last night screw you Screw-ew-ew You I guess that sausage in my pants just wasn't enough i'm like screw you and screw her to. Yay! (based on a true story).

February 1: Its a new month and it is going to be the best month this week, because I ate a sandwich with cheese. The psychiatrist came round to see if I was ok I screamed at him to show him I hadn't lost my voice, then I ate his lunch to show him I was eating ok and then I dropped his car on him to show that I was strong. I haven't seen him since. Then I ate mouldy socks for breakfast. 

February 2: I have lost Squiffy Mcdiffy so I shaved my hair and ran out of the Window.

February 3: Today I learn't the alphabet: A is for anus, B is for bum,C is for cocaine, D is for Dumb, E is for elephant and so on all the way down to the last letter, the letter # which is for #jimisaretard

February 4: I ate a pillow.

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