How music makes me

How can you know what love is all about, if you have never loved before. Music was and still today everything to Hannah. Yet when music and love crossed paths for Hannah one summers day, how did she manage to cope. For the girl, the woman, the mother, and soon to be Grandmother, Hannah reveals how her knight in shining Armour rescued her.

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2. L.O.V.E

 

You may think that i was rather strange when i was younger, having never felt the emotion love before. I knew what love was. Yes, there were a few people in my life that i felt strongly about, before him, but  back then it was never to be. I used to glance around at couples in the latest bars, as the man simply caressed the womans arm, whilst she snuggled her head deeply into his warm chest, as if they were  combined as one; while he whispered longly just how much he loved her. The envy that built up in the ex girlfriends mind. The on lookers that wished that their partner told them how much they loved them to. Then there was me. Caressing the edge of my glass of strong alcohol, drowning myself in my own sorrows, hoping that by drinking more i could somehow forget all my troubles and slip into a deep unconscious state. Only then would i be reminded by my body the next morning of how terrible my life was... with a hangover.

 

Love was neither an emotion that i had, nor people had for me. My parents died when i was young, and despite the numerous number of councilors telling me that i could talk to them whenever i wanted to, 'express my emotions, show them what i was feeling.' Something that i have learned the hard way. No matter how much somebody can listen, they shall never be able to understand how much you are hurting. Despite them saying ' We know what you are going through,' they truly have no idea. That's the main reason why i kept myself locked away with just sheet music, my precious acoustic guitar, and a blank pad of paper and a pen. It was the one thing that kept me going. The strong rhythmic beat of the metronome was like my heart. It would always keep beating; like my heart, it was never full of love; never fully alive. Just a faint sound in the background. It's only purpose, to carry out a function. It  was then never be full or empty, warm or cold; just a presence.  

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