Two Loves

Abbi longs to fall in love. She longs to experience all of the feelings that come with being in love. She doesn't expect to be caught in a love triangle. She'll have to face heartbreak, confusion, and sacrifice. Will things turn out for her, or will she give up on the idea of love all together?

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9. Chapter 8

She stood there for a while, shocked to see me, like she was doubting that I was really standing there. Then, suddenly, she pulled me into a hug and squeezed me so tight that I thought I was going to puff up and explode! I'd always been close with my mum, and I knew how much she'd missed me, yet I still couldn't bring myself to tell her about Liam. And Niall. She was so overprotective that when I told her, if I told her, she would blame everything on Liam, thinking that I was too well behaved and respecting for it to be my fault. Knowing her, she would probably fly right back to England to give Liam  a big lecture about how much he hurt me. I didn't want that, so it was for that reason that I refused to tell her, just explaining that I was visiting for a few months, and then I retreated to my old bedroom.  And that was where I stayed.

                                                                                         

 

 

 

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months as I sat on my bed, watching the seasons progress, often going three or four days at a time without changing my clothes. I very rarely left my bed, let alone my room, and when I did, it was to sneak into the bathroom and run the sharp blade of my razor along my arm, sighing in relief as the pain of the cuts distracted me momentarily from the pain in my heart that just never seemed to fade. When I was younger I'd always assured myself that I would never self harm, believing that taking my own life would only cause pain to the people I loved. I cared too much about my family to ever remove myself from this world, even if it meant that I had to suffer the pain of my mistakes.

I had taken it upon myself to forgive Liam and start blaming myself for all that had happened. Deep down, I knew it wasn't my fault at all; it wasn't even anyone's fault! But all the same, it made me feel better if I blamed myself. I already felt so worthless  and horrible and undeserving of life that blaming myself for everything couldn't make me feel any worse.

I had moved to sit in my rocking chair, staring blankly out the window as the sun shone brightly in the beautiful blue sky. I idly wondered what Liam and I would be doing now if we were still together, instantly regretting that thought as my heart started to throb. Couples were walking by in the street below, holding hands and laughing and having fun. I went back to my bed, not liking to remember what I had lost.

I usually refrained from thinking about any of the boys; especially Liam, because I was afraid of the pain it would trigger. The same searing pain that occurred every time I even allowed myself to think Liam's name. 

This time was different. I encouraged myself to think about Liam, about the other boys, about how happy I could have been, in the hopes that I could just let out all my feelings and everything would be alright. It wasn't. My head was buried in my pillow, the tears streaming down my face like a river and  forming a pool on the soft material. Loud sobs could be heard as the pain engulfed me. It was too much. I never should have let this happen.

I pulled the razor from where I had conveniently relocated it to my bedside drawer, pulling up my sleeve and digging the razor into my arm. It made a sickening sound as the sharp blade tore through my flesh, drops of blood continuously dripping onto the wooden floor.

I heard my bedroom door creak open, shocked because I hadn't had any visitors in months. People had stopped calling and visiting once they realized I had no intention of answering the door or picking up the phone. I worked speedily to throw away the razor and tug down my sleeve so whoever it was wouldn't see, but I was too late.

"Abbi?" Niall's voice echoed throughout the room.

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