The Letter

The letter was the beginning.


6. Undeliverable

Frank had been paranoid about leaving Gerard alone even for a second. What if he woke up and panicked, couldn’t figure where he was? But eventually Mikey’s promise of pancakes had won out though Frank still ran upstairs every other minute to check he was still asleep.

“Frank! Sit! Eat!” Mikey demanded as Frank twitched in the direction of the door once again.

“You’re giving me motion sickness.” Frank stuck out his tongue and shoved in another piece of pancake, opening his mouth so Mikey could watch him chew.

“That’s disgusting!” Mikey rolled his eyes at Frank before tipping almost an entire bottle of tomato ketchup onto his own food. He looked up to see Frank’s nose wrinkle in distaste.

“Gerard’s idea.” A small smile crept around both of their faces. Of course, it had to be his idea.

“But it tastes so good though!” Mikey leant forward to tip the remainder of the sauce onto Frank’s already syrup covered pancakes but a hand batted him away with an ‘I’ll pass’ grunt.

A dollop fell on the table and before Mikey could swoop in to clean it, Frank let his finger move of its accord to wipe it up and flick the ketchup into Mikey’s face.

“Ah!” Mikey tripped over his chair in a mad rush to get to the mirror, his arms flapping humorously as he looked at his cheek where the offending sauce had landed.

“Dick! Is it in my hair?” Mikey turned anxiously to look at Frank who was trying to silently hold back peals of laughter but failing miserably.

“Fine.” Frank had little time to react before a generous helping of syrup was squirted into his short mess of hair. As Mikey attacked him, the two legs of the chair Frank had been leaning back on gave out, causing them both to fall with a thud onto the floor.

“Ow Dude! Seriously?!” But that’s all Frank could say before he descended into stupid giggles again, this time with Mikey laughing too, tears visible on both of their faces.

“Man, I miss this.” Frank spoke as Mikey remembered his hair and moved to sit up, pulling Frank up by the wrist.

“Well, it’s your fault.” Frank gave him a look which made Mikey stop fiddling with his hair and face him properly for the first time that day.

“Once you dumped Gee, I sort of thought that was the end. The end of all of it.” Frank’s teeth moved to chew on his lip, a habit he knew he had to stop but it was just the distraction he needed so as to avoid taking in what Mikey was saying.

“You really hurt him, Frank.” This caused him to sigh loudly and pull his knees to his chest, remembering how Gerard had done it and wondering if there was anything behind the position which actually worked. It just made his pants move uncomfortably up his ass and he relaxed his legs again. Mikey watched all this sideways and grabbed Frank by the chin so that they would have to make eye contact.

“Look! I know you have the concentration levels of a 5 year old but listen. This is important!”

Mikey took a breath like he was readying himself for something big. Frank watched carefully, looking at the way Mikey’s lips clenched into a hard line and knew he was in for it now.

“He cried for days. Wouldn’t leave his room. He hasn’t eaten a proper meal in, I don’t know how long. He wouldn’t sleep. Would only talk to me!” Mikey’s face had started to crumple but when Frank extended a hand towards him, he was only hit away, eyes observing closely to make sure Frank was still listening.

“It got so bad he started to crave shit the way he used to. If he gets aggressive again, when it’s just me and him, what do I do, Frank? I can do fuck all!” None of them wanted to think back to the times when one of them would have a new bruise after a particularly bad night with Gerard. It was like an unspoken agreeable between them that it would never be talked about. Gee was a different person now, wasn’t he?

“The day before you came, he was shaking so bad and nothing would calm him down. He talked like he used too. About… About killing himself, Frankie!” Mikey did nothing to stop a pair of arms grabbing him close and didn’t try to move away, letting the fabric of Frank’s shirt soak up his quiet sobs.

“I’m here now. What I did was bullshit. I know that now, okay?” Mikey’s hair was softer to stroke their Gerard’s, probably from all the time he spent maintaining it but he was also bonier, making the hug more awkward as they were both so small. Frank tried not to care, pulling Mikey in closer so that he could feel his glasses being pushed uncomfortably between them; but Mikey didn’t try and move away.

“I guess I thought that it would easier ending it like that then in a few months from now, when we’re touring again. You guys would all be affected and it’s not like any of you were all that supportive when we first got together…” Frank remembered the switching of looks between them all. Gerard had chosen a hotel night so that everyone was more relaxed (and clean) but still there had been an awkward vibe around them all. Even Mikey had drifted apart them his brother which Frank knew had crushed Gee.

“It wasn’t like that!” Mikey moved against Frank’s chest, letting his arms loosen a little around Frank so that he could relax more into the hug.

“It’s just, you never told us. All the stage stuff, we never thought it went beyond that. Plus, we all know how you both are!” Frank tried not to be offended by Mikey’s words but yes, he knew how they both were. Gerard switched between comics and Xbox games nightly, quickly getting bored of one and moving on. Who’s to say that Frank wasn’t just a new game he’d picked up and would soon get bored of, letting him fall down the back of his buck, like he had with Ray’s precious Walking Dead comics; that had been lost for weeks underneath piles of Gerard’s art supplies and dirty clothes.

Then there was Frank, who he himself would admit was kind of a slut in the relationship department. He just liked to mix it up a bit, go out with different guys/girls every other week. So, yes he could see where they were coming from.

“But can’t you feel how different it is now? It just feels so much more real, more intimate and it’s not just about sex!” Frank felt Mikey shift uncomfortably against his chest, not liking the sex idea all too much probably.

“I’d never seen him so happy. But I don’t know about you, Frank.”

“I’m just better at hiding my emotions, I guess. Gerard’s always been the heart-on-his-sleeve kind of guy. That’s just one thing I love about him though.” It’s what helped Gerard be the artist and creative person that he was. He was so in touch with all his feelings and emotions that he could easily spill them into any piece of artwork or song he wished to. That’s why he was so good at what he did.

“And do you?” Mikey’s words brought him back to where they sat, clutching each other on the kitchen floor.


“Do you love him?”

“Yes. Course I do!” The response was instant which made Mikey slide out of Frank’s arms to study his face carefully. Frank couldn’t help the stupid smile that was spreading across his face. He loved Gerard. How could he not?

“Then tell him that, douche!” Mikey gave Frank a playful kick as he steadied himself on his feet, moving to clean up the mess they’d made. Frank watched Mikey for a moment before letting his face brighten and running full pelt up the stairs towards Gerard’s room. He didn’t care about being quiet; Frank would wake him up if he had too!

Frank turned the corner of the room, ready to leap over the messy floor to actually, physically sweep the gorgeous man into his arms and kiss him all over. Tell him how much he loved him and never let him go! Except for one small problem.

Gerard was gone.

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