The Letter

The letter was the beginning.

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4. Fragile

“Want another drink, babe?” The drunken breath felt hot against his neck but he knew without having to look that the person talking would never be, could never be the one he wanted. A blurry image of Frank entered his mind, his perfect skin, his beautiful hair, his eyes…

“Sure.” He could get away from his mind the only way he knew how.

A vodka bottle was thrust into his open palm and Gerard thought nothing of breathing in the liquid like air, tasting the harsh burn in the back of his throat and loving it, needing it. It wasn’t until a hand gently touched his that he remembered he wasn’t alone in his basement bedroom drinking alone, like the old days.

“Slow down, beautiful. I want you to be conscious!” A small lamp in the corner threw shadows that cast their faces into darkness, leaving him wondering where he was and who he was with.

He listened for the tell-tale sounds of flickering neon signs and the smells of urine and dumpsters to tell him that they were still in the alley outside the club. But there was only quiet, a soft song playing in the background. He tried to hum the tune, needing some form of normality even if it was just a distant memory. The first place he’d heard the song, who he’d been with when he’d heard it, something like that. All he had now was the dark and a vodka bottle. He remembered the bottle and downed the rest, not caring as it dripped down his neck, onto his chest. Not caring what a sight he looked because the only person he truly cared about wasn’t here to see him.

Da Da Da-Dum Da Da Dum-Da Da Da-

His last ‘Da’ was caught between a stranger’s lips as he felt rough hands slide down his body, carelessly shoving fingers through his hair and groping with propose between his legs.

“Uh!” Gerard shoved the man’s hands off of him and moved away as far as he could to the end of the –

Bed. He took the time to look around him and realised he was in someone’s bedroom. The owner of the hands probably. The room spun around him as he tried to remember how he’d got here. He couldn’t remember a car ride or anything. He just remembered the alley and the –

He glanced at the dealer who watched him dangerously. He’d forgotten his wallet at home and after buying drinks for him all night and supplying him with, God knows how many spiffs; of course this guy wanted some kind of payment. He moved to stand up, wondering if he’d even be able to make it to the door frame without collapsing but his lips were immediately shoved against another’s. The more he squirmed, the further back onto the bed he was pulled until he was being straddled, his wrists held down and his screams of protest disappearing into an alcohol fumed mouth. A tongue danced careless patterns along his own and Gerard bit down harder and harder on it, hoping to pull the man off but only seeming to egg him on.

When they came up for air, Gerard’s eyes were shining with tears and his screams had turned to sobs. The guy looked into his face and smiled sickeningly down at him, using his tongue to catch the salty tears as they fell.

“Please-“His words were cut off by a sharp slap across his face and his gasp only made the man’s eyes sparkle.

“Shhh now, baby. Don’t cry!” The rough hands stroked his skin and Gerard tried to think of Frank’s hands, remembering the way the rough, callused finger tips had strangely contrasted with his soft palms.

“I’m only taking what you own me, right?” A fist connected with the side of Gerard’s face, making him teeth clatter and for a second, he thought he saw an image of the stars in the night sky.

“Right?” The voice was lower now and taunting. Gerard felt himself nod and gasped again as the stranger began to move on top of him.

His vision swooned again and he felt the world becoming darker. He prayed that he wouldn’t black out, not now. But the drugs seemed to be finally having their effect on him, he was starting to forget. Forget what? He didn’t know. Only that the rough shoves against him where starting to make something stir inside him and he knew what would happen next. He was pulled into a rough kiss and he went gladly, tasting the alcohol in his own mouth, letting the strange mouth capture his and tasting something familiar and metallic. He wondered whose blood he tasted. If it was his then he felt no pain.

A bang from far away made the rhythm against him stop and he moaned, trying to buck up against the other to get more friction but found he couldn’t move the lower half of his body. It didn’t matter so much. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in, he didn’t know how long.

“Stay here.” He moaned louder when he was left alone of the bed but at least now he could shut his eyes and sleep. The darkness that had threatened to pull him under now seemed like an old friend, helping him slip gradually into the black. He could hear shouting from downstairs and what sounded like the scuffle of a fight but what did it matter to him? He would be gone soon. Maybe he’d see his grandma there. That would be nice.

“Gerard!” Frank was suddenly over him but his eyes refused to stay open. He let them close, allowing the scent of mint and coffee to wash over him, engulfing him.

“Whiirr dii ya goo, Frrrankey?” He breathed inwards and tried to pull Frank’s body down onto him but Frank seemed more insistent on getting him to stand up, even though they both knew it was hopeless.

“I didn’t go anywhere. It was you that ran off.” He managed a few words before trying once again to move Gerard into a sitting position but he gave up quite quickly.

A strong pair of arms folded his body inwards and he started moving, pressed against Frank’s chest, feeling his warm heartbeat beneath his shirt. Gerard rolled back his head and started delicately nipping on the ear of his rescuer before licking slowly along Frank’s chin.

“Frank, your boyfriend’s molesting me.” The sound of Bob made Gerard giggle and he slumped into Bob’s chest, giggling nonstop as he realised who was carrying him.

“Fuuu-k offf Bobbb! I waaant Frrrankey!” Gerard’s voice sounded funny and he laughed loudly at the way his voice echoed. They were … Outside? He couldn’t tell. No, inside. It was warm again.

“I’m right here, Gee.” Frank seemed to come from nowhere and suddenly he was slumping up against someone, a pair of arms that must have been Frank’s pulling him in tightly as the car all five of them were squashed into, began to move slowly back to the house.

“Yaa knnnooow, yaa can fuu-k mi if yaa waaant, babbyy.” Gerard dropped his hand into the area he assumed Frank’s crotch would be and started stroking forcefully, well with as much force as he could manage.

“Someone please shut him up!” Mikey’s wail made Gerard laugh again, trying to track Mikey’s voice to its owner but giving up and turning back to his task.

A hand quickly shoved Gerard away and pressed a kiss delicately to his forehead. He relaxed instantly and he felt Frank hold him closer.

“Maybe later.” He heard rude murmurs around him as the others got horrible images in their heads of what would happen ‘later’, causing Frank to laugh into Gerard’s hair, but he just sighed contently and smiled into Frank’s chest, finally happy to let the lulling of the car pull him into sleep.

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