one 15 year old with one dream that requires sacrifices


1. The Thought of It All

I'm moving. Moving to Australia.


At least that is what I hope for. I have 3 choices, to go to Singapore, stay in Hong Kong or move to Australia. Why am I moving? Why do I want to move? Why Australia?


I've had so many questions asked to and by me and I keep giving the same simple answer, to get a better life where the place I'm in accepts me and I can feel at home there. I've been in Hong Kong for 5 years and every time I take a plane back, while everyone has their 'home sweet home' posts, I've got nothing to say.


Moving here to experience something new and more was good but it doesn't feel like I'm was meant to stay. I love my school, the few true friends I have here and the bonds I've made but they all seem so little.


Australia. I've never been there not once. Australia also has the career I once said I would pursue, veterinary. My parents think that it's good and they think I really want this, to be a vet and all. But really, I just want to grow up to become a professional dancer. I could be broke or starving but if I were to grow up into someone doing what I love, that would be great. Except if I told them, they would probably immediately reject me. But I guess if they never thought about my past yet dream I would never have the chance of Australia. 


It's such a foreign place to me but I'd rather go to a foreign place and start anew then to continue what I have here. My hopes of becoming someone different, someone better and perfect. Doesn't everybody think that way? When I think about moving, even though I have a year ahead of me I keep thinking, appearances, talents, sports and many others. I have to be perfect when I get there and not be a nobody. I can't stand to be yet another wallflower. I don't want it to happen, not this time.


When I first moved to HK, it was my first time going to a co-ed school, I was so freaked. I immediately rejected and hated all the guys because it wasn't in what I grew up with and somehow thanks to that, I'm just a normal and boring nobody. The school jock in my grade looks at me and goes, 'heh'. When I went onto the stage during the talent competition, someone yelled out "WOAH It's Natalie!" Even if I won the competition, it was weird, it was hard. 


Staying here has its good things though such as I found my favourite hobbies and talents, to dance and in art but besides that, what am I to do here? Continue with the same thing while everyone around me levels up. It's a really strong competition. Photography pages by the dozen everyday pop up on my newsfeed. Girls around me take one photoshoot and the next day they're famous and models.


Not too long ago my friend asked me about going to a fashion show but it clashes on the same night we are going to a dance competition and since I can't make up my mind I said, 'How about next year?" I keep pushing all the dates I can't make to later but then I just thought, 'Will there be a next year?'



Will I be here to fulfill my promises, to continue the little joy I have?

I don't know.

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