Beneath the Barricades

fictional diary/story of a girl who is mortified by her own existence.

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4. Goodbye

Hello world,

You won't miss me when i'm gone,

But i thought it might be good

To tell you all what's wrong.

I, Kelly Ann, am fed up with her life,

This world kills me more everyday that I'm alive,

But it's hard to not resort 

To the love that's in my knife.

I can't see,

But i'm not blind.

I can't hear,

But I'm not deaf.

I can't breathe,

But I'm still alive -

Not for long, though.

It's hard to say goodbye when there are so many people wishing for your life.

Like a parent trusting a friend to teach their child how to swim; they're worried, but they won't tell you that. For every second that passes that your head is still under water, they're just praying that within the next millisecond they'll hear you gasping for breath, or crying even - but at least that is a sign you are alive. It is similar for me. I feel like the whole world does not notice i am feeling this way, but once it is time for me to end this suffering, they care. They notice. They want to help but this is all at the wrong time. Help is good, but only when that person is in a state of neediness - a state where they are halfway gone but still willing to be brought back.  I am neither.  I have ventured out into complete sobriety.  I can't be lost, though, for I don't want to be found.

-Kelly Ann

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