Beneath the Barricades

fictional diary/story of a girl who is mortified by her own existence.

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5. Amiss

Have you ever felt worthless? Or completely unable to function properly due to your lack of interest? Have you ever felt as though nothing could possibly get worse than what you feel at this exact moment in time? Obscurely enough, i have felt all of these things.. You'd think, well, "Why don't you get help?" It's not that simple. When you're invisible, people often tend to not give a care to your "petty" problems. I cant seem to come to the conclusion that people don't need me around, for they have no idea that i'm already here. Have been here. And sadly, will probably always be here. There used to be an ounce of hope inside of me, but just like the rest of myself it was lost long ago. 

Have you gotten any spare change?

Of course you haven't.

The world is cruel and we are young, sometimes things don't get better and there's nothing more to do than sit back and drink some rum. 

To slowly kill yourself or die hyped up on morphine?

Neither.

You haven't a choice.

I do if i say so, and i choose neither.

Sadly, neither was not taken for an answer and i settled on slowly killing myself - because hey, is that not what is happening as we speak? it has gotten to a point where i can hear my stomach acids devouring every once-vital organ in my body. Though yes, i do know that is not what happens. In other terms, my organs are slowly perishing, and i am left with the burden of pain. You might ask yourself, "Why might anyone put themselves through such torture and pain?" 

The answer to that is simple.

The pain from starving is not a mere in comparison to the pain i feel of not being noticed.

Or the pain i feel when i am scolded, betrayed, and stepped on all over.

There is no comparison, and i'm sure, if you were ever as twisted as i,

That you might feel the same.

But why would i ever wish that upon you?

-Kelly Ann

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