"Isn't She Lovely?"

Harry Styles hasn't always made the best life decisions. When a tragic event results in him confronting his past, emotions stir and his life changes drastically. Follow Raegan, Harry's little secret, as she loses her mother and is forced to meet her father for the very first time. Read along as she learns to accept her life with her newly found father, and faces the complications and advantages of living with five young men.

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14. Positives & Negatives

 

 

Chapter Fourteen:

Positives & Negatives

 

 

"What the hell?" is basically the only words I could use to describe what happened. Literally, my mind could not process anything. I was this big mix of emotions. Everything from pure anger to dissapointment to complete confusion took over my thoughts. I was mad for a number of reasons, but mostly because I didn't know what was going on. There was no avoiding the fact that Liam almost kissed me. So why didn't he? Did I do something? No, wait. Stop! I don't want him to kiss me! Or, at least.. I shouldn't! Liam is clearly a significant amout of years older than me. Kissing me would have been wrong. My mind battled between these thoughts. Part of me did want to kiss Liam, but the other part, the more logical part, knew it was best he didn't.

As I suffered through my thoughts, I heard my phone vibrate. It was Addelyn.

Addeyln Moore -- Haay, get on skype! :)

I was in no mood for other people.

Sure, hang on one second. 

Almost routinely, I got out my laptop and logged into Skype. I couldn't refuse my best friend. It's not like I had anyone else to talk to. When skype finally signed me in, I instantly received a video call from AddyJ45. Ironically, no one called her "Addy" other than herself. 

"Heeey!" she smiled, as her face came into focus.

"Hi," I smiled, a little less enthused..

"How ya been?" 

"I'm alright," I lied. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Ya know, other than my best friend moving across the world," she snapped.

"I'm sorry!" I said. "I didn't ask for this!"

"I know," she laughed. "I'm just messing. So what's up? Why the glum face?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't even Rae. A blind person could tell something's up with you." 

"I'm fine." I said, coldly.

"Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes. "I have news for you!"

"Oh, and what's that?" I asked, curious.

"Well, you didn't hear this from me, but . . . Noah's in love with you!!"

It was quiet a moment, as I took in what she just said. 

"Rae?" she said, as I continued to space off.

"..Wh-what?" I said, in hopes I heard it wrong.

"Noah is in love with you," she repeated, smiling happily. "He can't stop talking about you!" I froze, as she went on. "Ever since you left, you've been all he can talk about. Peyton even said he was crying after you left." Noah? Crying? Impossible. "He's always texting me, asking how you are, too," she went on. 

"Why doesn't he just ask me?" I asked, cutting her off.

She shrugged. "Shy, I guess. Doesn't matter, isn't this great?!"

I shook my head in disbelief. "Great?! Why is this great?" 

"Don't play games, Rae. I know you've been in love with him since, like 8th grade."

"You're nuts!" I began to shout.

"Admit it!" she pryed.

"There's nothing to admit! Noah and I are just friends," I said defending myself. 

"Oh, quit lying to yourself Raegan. We both know you two belong together."

"Addelyn, you're insane!"

She stopped arguing, and glared at me.

"And even if we were 'suppose to be together,'" I continued, "we aren't even in the same country!" 

Her glare very slowly began turning into a smile.

"What?" I asked, annoyed.

"I think you just admitted it," she grinned.

"No, I didn't." I snapped.

"Yes, you did."

"Just stop! It doesn't even matter." I shouted, giving up.

"Raegan, what is wrong with you?" she shouted back. "You just found out the lovely 'boy next door' is in love with you, and you're yelling at me!" 

I sighed. She's right. I am yelling at her, and it has nothing to do with her. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, trying to calm down.

"Just tell me what's up, Rae."

I shook my head. I couldn't tell her about Liam. She would think I'm a freak.

"Raaee?" 

"There's someone else." I muttered. 

"What?" she snapped, surprised. Oh God... Why did I just say that?

"There's someone else.." I repeated quietly. What am I doing?!

"WHO?!" she screamed. 

I shook my head, not saying a word. 

"WHO IS IT?!" she screamed again.

"Nobody! Forget what I said. I-I was lying," I stammered.

"Dammit Raegan. You can't do this to me! Who is it?! Is he cute?! British, I assume?!"

"Yes... and yes," I nodded, slowly.

"Well who is it?! I mean, jeez! If you already found someone, you must be just buzzing around England!" She stopped and thought a minute. Before I could blink her curious smile, turned into a suspicious glare. "Unless..."

I froze. She read me like a book.

"You're not, Rae...." 

I stayed absolutely silent. 

"Rae, tell me you're not with one of them." Before I could say anything she went on. "They're like thirty, Raegan! That's-that's illegal! Besides that, it's just wrong! You have to break up with him!" 

"I'm not 'with' any of them!" I shouted, breaking my silence.

"Oh, thank God," she sighed. "What is it then?"

I sighed. "Liam almost kissed me......" I mumbled as quietly as I could.

"He what?!" she began shouting again. 

"Shhh! I said almost.

"So you stopped him?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head. "Not exactly." 

"Raegan!" she blew up.

"What?! I didn't do anything!"

"You're leading him on!"

"What are you talking about?! Nothing happened!" 

Suddenly, Addelyn took a deep breath, bit her lip, and calmed down. She glared at me a minute before finally speaking. "You need to make sure he knows that it can't happen."

"That what can't happen?" 

"That you two cannot be together!"

I sat very still, saying nothing. 

"Understand?" she said beggining to raise her voice, again. 

I nodded. "Yeah, okay. Look, I gotta go..." 

"Ah come on, Rae. I'm just trying to help." 

"Yeah.. I know. Thanks...." I said, before logging off, and closing my laptop. 

This is just fantastic. I know she's right, but it just makes me feel worse. I just don't understand why I'm getting the bad end of this? I mean, he started it. He's the one who held my hand in the first place, and then again, and then made the attempt to kiss me. I just sat through it. Okay, so maybe that doesn't make me any better, but no one's yelling at him for it. Not only that, but if Addelyn was telling the truth, I now know that my best friend is in love with me. I can't decide if I'm happy, or mad about it. I love Noah, he's no doubt the coolest guy on the planet, but knowing that he likes me, especially now that I'm in a different country, just bothers me. I sighed, knowing I had way to much to think about. I decided to give up, and go see what everyone else was doing downstairs. It was almost supper time, anyway. 

***

Downstairs was almost as depressing as upstairs. Everyone was in the living room, but not a single person looked happy. Liam sat in 'his' chair, with is nose in his book, while the others were on their phones. Everyone, excpet Zayn, he was still groggy. He really did sleep all the time. Louis looked worried about something, and Harry simply looked bored. Niall wore an aggitated look on his face, as he played games on his phone. Wow, today is just lovely..

I paused at the end of the staircase, debating whether or not to return to my own awkward silence, rather than be apart of everyone elses. Before I could make my own decision, Louis spotted me.

"Hey Rae," he smiled, though something seemed to be bothering him. 

"Hi Lou.." I said quietly, entering the living room.

Harry looked up as I sat on the couch beside Niall. He forced a smile, and I replied with a weak nod. I know he was trying, but I was not in the mood for our fake father/daughter relationship. 

"Hey," I said quietly, as I sat down next to Niall. He said nothing. "Niall?" I said, just a touch louder. Again, he didn't respond. "Niall!" I said, shaking his knee. 

"Oh, sorry. Were you talking to me?" he snapped.

"What's your problem?" I asked, a bit caught of guard by his attitude.

"I'm sorry. Something else needed my attention," he glared.

"Look, I don't know what crawled up your ass, but leave me out of it," I snapped back. And with that he left, storming up the stairs. I sighed, receiving a few glances around the room. I ignored them and glanced over to Liam, who had his nose so deeply buried in his book. He was expressionless. To be honest, I don't think he was actually reading the book. Nonetheless, he refused to look up from it. Minutes later, Harry got up, to cook dinner. Louis jumped up right behind him to help him, still just as worried about whatever it was he was originally worried about. Soon it was just me, Zayn, and Liam. However, since Liam was 'so into his book' it was basically just me and Zayn.

"So, Zayn.. How was your nice, 9 hour nap?" I asked, trying to make converstion.

"Too short," he yawned. "What'd you do today?" 

Suddenly, I could feel Liam's eyes on the back of my head, waiting for a response.

"Oh, not a lot. Took a nap, skyped with Addelyn." And with that, Liam's eyes returned to his book.

"Ah, fun. What'd she have to say?" he asked, surpisingly plesant.

"Just news about Noah." 

"Good or bad, news?"

"Erm.. interesting news," I said.

"Care to share?" he asked.

"Well.. I mean, I guess it doesn't matter..." I started to say, "Addelyn told me that he's in love with me." Almost instantly I could feel Liam's eyes return to the back of my head.

"Ohh wow," Zayn said. "That's.. something."

I chuckled a little at Zayn's response. "Yeah, I'm not sure what to think." 

He nodded understandingly.

"Besides," I added, "He is on the other side of the world."

"Ah, good point," Zayn said. Just then, Louis peeked in and let us know that dinner was almost ready. Whatever it was, it sure smelled good.

As we gathered around the dining table, I was happy to sit between Zayn and Louis. Niall had stomped back down the stairs, and took the seat across from me. I looked up, only to meet his gaze. He was still very unhappy.

"What did I do?" I mouthed, so only he would see me.

He just shook his head. 

I sighed, and turned my attention to supper. I didn't even notice that I missed lunch. Man, was I hungry. Harry came in, shortly after everyone was seated with a big bowl of pasta. As he set it down, everyone dug in, shoveling it onto their plates, and into their mouths. 

Most of dinner was silent. Louis and Harry chatted about life, as they oh so oftenly did, and Niall listened quietly. I'm pretty sure Zayn was trying to listen to, though I think he was more focused on eating and breathing at the same time. I would occasionally glance up at Liam, expecting him to be staring, but not once did I see him look up from his plate. He ate slowly, not looking, or speaking to anyone. I decided to listen to Louis and Harry, ignoring everyone else. They spoke of Eleanor, and how Louis was beginning to worry if things were going to work out. Just the other night, he was beaming with talk of her, and now he was talking like this. It was obvious he wasn't happy about it, and if anything she was the one having second thoughts. I felt bad for Louis as I listened to him go on and on about her. It was very apparent that he loved her. I began listening toward the end of the conversation, so I didn't exactly understand what the problem was. Even so, it was heartbreaking. 

When almost everyone had finished their dinner, Liam got up and made his way to the living room. Niall followed close behind, with Zayn on his tail. I assumed Zayn was tired of getting last choice of seating. I was second to last to enter the living room, for I had helped Harry clean up the dining room. I sat in my normal spot, in the middle of the couch, right between Niall and Louis. My theory was proven wrong, when Zayn picked the seat he was always stuck with. Harry entered last, and sat in his chair across from Liam. I looked from face to face wondering who was going to start the argument over what to watch, but no one said anything. For the first five minutes, no one even turned on the television. We all sat in silence, waiting for one another to make the first move. 

"Soo.." Harry said, breaking the long silence.

"I don't really feel like watching TV," Louis said, getting up, and storming up the stairs.

"Yeah.. Me either," Niall spat, following him.

Silence remained as Liam, Harry, Zayn and I sat staring at one another.

"Come to think of it, I'm not really in the mood either," Liam said, getting up and following the other two up the stairs.

Suddenly it was just me, Zayn, and Harry. 

"Are you two going to leave too?" Zayn asked, looking from me to Harry.

I glanced at Harry waiting for his response. He shook his head no, smiling slightly in amusement. 

"No," I said, looking back to Zayn. "We're staying."

"Good," he smiled. "If you left, I'd having nothing to do but go to bed... and to be honest, I don't think I can handle anymore sleep." 

Harry and I both chuckled at Zayn's remark. "So what are we going to watch?" Harry asked.

Silence overcame us as we each thought about it.

"I know!" I shouted, running up the stairs.

"Hey, you said you weren't leaving!" Zayn yelled up after me.

I smiled back at him as I reached the top of the stairs. "I'll be right back!" I ran to my room, and began digging through my stuff. It took longer than expected, because I had forgotten where I put everything. Finally I found what I was looking for and took off out the door. On my way back down the hallway, I saw Niall leaving his room.

"Hey!" I shouted, running up to him. "Are you going to tell me what the fuck I did to you?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm not important," he snapped, trying to move passed me.

I stopped him. "What are you talking about?"

"Go ask Liam."

Now I was really confused. "What?!"

He shrugged sarcastically. "Liam's more important, go talk to him."

I tried to make sense of this, but nothing came to mind. "Look, just tell me what I did," I snapped.

"You didn't do anything. That's the point. I was trying to talk to you early, but you blew me off. It's not that big of deal."

"Apparently it is, or you wouldn't be so pissed right now. And when? I didn't even see you today."

This made him angrier. "No, of course you didn't. You were too busy laughing about who knows what with Liam."

I sighed in defeat as I made the connection. Now I knew what he was talking about. "Oh.."

He nodded, glaring at me. 

"I'm sorry, Niall. I wasn't trying to ignore you."

"Like I said, it's not a big deal," he murmured, trying to walk passed me again.

"No, you have to the right to be angry.... maybe not this angry... but angry. I'm sorry," I said again.

His eyes lightened, and his frown faded. "Okay...I'm sorry for taking it so seriously..." he sighed.

I smiled. "We good?" I said holding my arms open for a hug. 

"We good," he began to smile, wrapping his arms around me. 

"Come on!" I said, grabbing his hand. "Now that you're not mad at me, you have to come watch tv with us." I smiled.

"What are we watching?" he asked.

"You'll see," I grinned.

As we made our way back downstairs, Harry and Zayn looked up at me, curiousity in their eyes.

"Sooo?" they said, wanting to know what we were watching.

"Just wait," I said, walking over to put the movie in. After it was in, and eveything was set to play, I returned the couch and took a seat beside Niall. I watched each of the boys anxious expressions turn into embarassed laughter as the movie began playing.

"Ohhh noooo!" Harry groaned. "Not this."

I smiled, feeling quite satisified with myself.

"I can't believe you're going to make us watch this..." Niall mumbled.

"Hey, you guys had the chance to speak up," I smiled.

They all sighed, and Harry groaned, as his young, teenage face appeared on the screen. Tonight we were reliving the "Up All Night Live Tour." The boys laughed through their introductions on the big screen, and I smiled, amazed at how young they all looked.

"Oh, my God.." Niall laughed. "Look at Liam's hair!"

Zayn began laughing with him as Liam's perm came into view. "It's better than when he shaved it!" Zayn commented.

"Yeah, that was interesting," Harry smirked.

As the first song began, all three of the boys blushed. I couldn't stop myself from laughing my butt off.

"We're like na, na, na." Zayn began singing along with the movie.

"Then we're like yeah, yeah, yeah." Niall answered him, smiling. 

More laughter filled the room, and continued to fill the room as they moved into the next song. Honestly, it was like they never stopped singing. They all sang perfectly together, not missing a single lyric. It was obvious, however, that they were lacking a couple voices. This was the best idea ever. As the second song came to an end, and the young Louis Tomlinson began to speak, the present day version walked down the stairs and into the room. 

"What's this?" he asked, surprised to see his younger self on the television.

"What do you think it is?" Harry smirked.

Louis took a moment, and concentrated on the movie. "This isn't..." he paused. 

"Yeah, it is, Niall grinned."

"You're kidding me.. I didn't even know we owned this?" he said, bewildered. 

"We don't. It's Raegan's." Zayn answered.

Before I could say anything, Niall cut in. "You told me you weren't a One Direction fan."

I shrugged. "My mother insisted on making me one.." I said, glancing at Harry.

"Wonder why..." Zayn mumbled, followed by the other two boys rolling their eyes. 

I had to push back a smile as Harry's cheeks turned bright red. 

"Mind if I watch?" Louis said, turning our attention back the movie. 

"Not at all," I smiled. 

"Thanks," he smiled back, and took a seat beside me.

We all enjoyed the rest of the movie, smiling, laughing, and singing. I did my best to keep out of the singing portion, simply listening carefully to their amazing voices. I half expected Liam to come down, since there was no doubt we were all being extremely loud, but to my dismay, he never did. As the movie came to an end, no one moved a muscle. 

"So, what's next?" Louis said, obviously feeling better.

"It's up to you guys. I did my part," I said, looking around at each of the boys.

"And a good choice you made," Harry smiled at me.

I smiled back, and just like always, the boys bursted into a large argument about what to watch next. I sat back, smiling, their voices music to my ears. Yeah, I was a little disappointed Liam wasn't apart of this evening, but there was no doubt I had fun. To be completely honest, I couldn't wait to see what we were watching next. It was starting to scare me how used to this place I was getting. 

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