"Isn't She Lovely?"

Harry Styles hasn't always made the best life decisions. When a tragic event results in him confronting his past, emotions stir and his life changes drastically. Follow Raegan, Harry's little secret, as she loses her mother and is forced to meet her father for the very first time. Read along as she learns to accept her life with her newly found father, and faces the complications and advantages of living with five young men.


7. Heartbreak



Chapter Seven:
Heart Break



The tears continued to come throughout the night. Just when I thought I could quit, another wave of memories hit and I was drowning in tears once again. I hated myself for being so weak. I’m not a crier. It made me feel worse knowing how much of a mess I was. The feeling of abandonment that I could usually suppress began to surface. Harry’s reaction to me showing up at his house haunted me. Bad memories swarmed my mind and I couldn’t stop them! I wanted to scream, but all I could do was cry. About half way through the night there was a small knock on the door. I tried so hard to keep from sobbing, but like I said, I had no control. I couldn’t speak due to the soreness of my throat. I heard the knock again, but this time the knob turned. “Don’t come in!” I tried to shout, but no sound was made. No doubt it was dark, but I knew who it was. I bit my lip trying to push back my tears, and stay as quiet as possible. I saw the dark figure approach the bed and sit lightly on the end of it. He said nothing, but his presence was comforting. I bit my lip harder in attempt to control myself, but instead I just made my mouth bleed. My teeth dug into my already chapped lip and it hurt like hell, but it distracted me. I managed stop all sounds coming from my mouth, when the dark figure turned to me. He continued to keep quiet, but took my hand and placed it against my heart. That’s when he finally spoke.


“Feel that?” he asked, ever so softly. I said nothing, but he continued anyway. “That means you’re alive, but you need to calm down.” I nodded, though it was too dark to see. He then took my hand and pulled me into his arms, hugging me. All I could think about was how much I needed that. How much I need someone. I hated being alone. I never wanted to admit it to myself, because I don’t want to depend on anyone! I wrapped my arms around the dark figure and hugged him tight letting my tears fall free, again.

He sat there, quietly holding me in the same embrace for ten minutes without ever trying to move. When I thought I had my tears under control, I let go of him and sat back on the bed. “Thank you,” I whimpered, though I’m not sure if he could hear me. I expected him to leave, and was caught off guard when he sat back and took my hand. I looked at him, and believe it or not, I think he could see me. He stared at me momentarily, before whispering, “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

                Hours past and Liam never left my side. He laid back holding my hand in his; listening in case I wanted to talk about it. I didn’t. I didn’t even want to think about it. But being in her room, smelling her scent, flooded my mind with memories. Around four o’clock in the morning I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, removing my hand from Liam’s grip. He jumped at my sudden movements and sat up, as well. I could feel his eyes on me. I wanted so badly to tell him everything, but it just hurt so bad.

“Everything alright?” he whispered.

I shook my head. Nothing’s right.

“Right. Dumb question,” he said, lowering his head.

“I-I- mis-s her so much,” I whispered.

His head shot up at the sound of my voice. “I know,” he said, touching my hand again. “And I’m so sorry.”

A moment of silence passed, before I finally spoke again. “Do you e-ev-en know what ha-ppened?” I stuttered, holding back the tears.  

He lowered his head, shaking it. “Not..exactly.”

I paused, swallowing my reality. “She was h-hit… b-by a car. Some dumbass teenager was drunk and slammed right into her,” I said, my voice stiffening. “S-s-she died instantly….but get this: the little shit that hit her still walks the earth,” I say, a tear rolling down my face.

 Liam didn’t say anything. I don’t blame him, what’s there to say? Apologizing again wouldn’t mean anything, and he knew that. Instead, he moved toward me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me. It took every inch of me to not break down again. “I’m sor-ry,” I sniffled. “You shouldn’t be seeing t-t-this.”

In response, he squeezed me tighter. There wasn’t anything left I could say. My mother was dead. End of story. She’s not coming back and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I couldn’t give any more of an explanation than I already had. She’s dead. I’m sad. The thing is, Liam didn’t expect any more of an explanation. I don’t think he even expected me to tell him how she died. He was there because I was sad. The reason didn’t matter. I couldn’t be more grateful.

Liam and I sat up for a few more hours. He held me, letting me cry when needed, and just flat out made me feel better. Around five thirty in the morning, I found myself falling asleep. Liam could tell and began to get up to leave the room.

“No.. Stay,” I whispered, barely retaining consciousness. He did as I said, and laid at the bottom of the bed. He was trying to not be inappropriate. Though, I found the gesture humorous, no sign of laughter or even a smile appeared on my face. The sad expression on my face stuck like a concrete wall. Soon after Liam lay down, I fell deep into sleep. It felt great. Sleep, that is. Now the only thing I had to worry about is the dreams that follow. Or, shall I say, nightmares…..

In a short matter of time I was awoken by the morning sun shining in on my face, followed by a hard knock at the door. Just as I opened my eyes I heard the knock again, almost as if it was panicked. 
"Raegan! Answer the door!" It was Niall. "He's up early," I thought before looking at the clock and seeing it was already ten. Confused at what might be wrong I jumped up and ran to the door. 

"Niall? What's wrong?!" I said looking completely confused. 

"I-I can't find Liam," he said, stumbling over his words. When I woke up, I walked into the living room and he was just... gone." 

I blushed in embarrassment as I heard Liam waking up, groaning behind me. I grew even redder at the sight of Niall's expression. 

"Oh, Niall," I faked a small laugh. "It's NOT what you think." I started to explain.

"Uhh... nevermind...." he cleared his throat, stunned at what he just saw, or what he thinks he saw.. "I found him..." 

"Niall I swear--" I started again before he turned around and walked away quickly. My head fell into my hand as Liam approached me.

"What was that about?" he asked, yawning. 

"Nothing...." I said. "Just....nothing." 

Surprisingly, as I finished packing, Niall never left my side. I tried several times to explain what happened, but Niall didn't want to hear it. I eventually left it alone, however I was still afraid of the different scenarios his mind was coming up with. Though I don't know how I managed it with my little suitcase, I finally had everything worth keeping packed. I took one last look at my little apartment and had to push back any possible tears. As I shut the door for the final time, I took a deep breath. This was a new beginning. 

"Ready?" both boys said in unison, interrupting my thoughts.

I nodded. "Here we go," I whispered. 

As we made our way out the door, and called for a taxi I jumped up and whispered something in Niall's ear. I didn't ask Liam because I knew his "responsibilities"  may get in the way. Niall nodded. "I don't see why not," he smiled. You could see the suspicion on Liam's face as we got in the taxi. 

"To the air-" Liam started to say, before being cut off by Niall.

"1709 West Waverly," Niall interrupted, confidently. I saw Liam shoot Niall a confused glare as the taxi driver pulled away. "Don't worry about it," he mouthed, winking at Liam. Zayn was right. You never knew what Niall was going to do. 

We pulled up to West Waverly within minutes of leaving my, well, the apartment. I loved how conveniently close the apartment was to Waverly. Truthfully, we could have walked. Whoops. Oh well. It's not like Niall and Liam couldn't afford it. 

I jumped out of the taxi and ran straight to the door titled 1709. I knocked quickly, in fear Liam might have figured it out and may try to force me back in to the taxi. After a moment of silence the door opened and revealed a familiar face.

"Rae--gan?!" the face asked in astonishment. 

"Yes!" I said throwing my arms around the girl. 

Before she could react she screamed, "NOAH!!" and squeezed me tight.

I couldn't help but smile. I've missed her so much. 

"You're not dead?!" Peyton screamed, tears forming in her eyes. I laughed a little at her reacting, but my face instantly went blank as an even more familiar face crept up behind her. 

"Rae-g-an?" the deep voice asked, unsure.

I stared emotionless for several seconds before letting a smile take over my face. "Did everyone forget my name while I was gone?" 

His cement expression lightened at the sound of my voice. Without warning, he swept me up in a hug. "I've missed you so much," he said squeezing me tightly. 

"I've missed you too, Noah," I said hugging him even tighter. 

After several minutes of "I missed you" and repetitive hugs, I heard two deep voices clear their throats behind me. I had forgotten they were even here.

"Oh sorry.." I said blushing.

"Uh, Noah, Petyon this is Liam and Niall." I watched as they shook hands, but couldn't help but notice Peyton's suspicious expression. The familiarity of their faces caught her attention, just like it had mine. She raised and eyebrow at me, but Noah spoke before I could respond.

"Nice to meet you, but who are you?" he asked.

Before either of the boys could answer I cut in. "Uh, they're my dad's-- uhh-- roommates." 

Both Petyon and Noah were taken back. "Your dad?" they asked, astounded. 

"Yeah..." I cleared my throat. "T-that's why I haven't responded to your messages.... A police officer came by the other night and took me to my father's......i-in ...London." Their faces grew whiter. "I..left my phone, so I couldn't tell anybody."

"L-l-ondon?" Peyton stuttered.

"Yeah... I just came back for my stuff." 

I saw Niall reach for the doorknob. "We'll be outisde.." he mumbled, and walked out, Liam following close behind. 

The silence in the room was deafening. 

"So you're leaving then? To London?" Noah asked. I could hear the hurt in his voice.

"I guess so.. I don't really have much of a choice." 

"So this is it then?" Peyton asked.

"I wish the answer was no..." I said, looking down.

The both stared at me; their identical blue eyes filled with sadness 

"I'm sorry.." I began to say, though I don't know what I was apologizing for. Its not like I wanted to move.

Suddenly I felt four arms wrap around me and hold me tight. We stood in a little huddle for a few minutes before the door knob turned and Liam poked his head in. "We need to head back" he mouthed at me, and I nodded unwillingly. I said my final goodbyes to both Noah and Peyton and made many promises to keep in touch. All of us had at least one tear running down our cheeks when it was all said and done.

As I got in the taxi, and waved to them on the porch, I head Petyon yell. "Raegan! Wait!" she yelled, running up to the taxi window. "Have you told Addelyn yet?"


I thought all the heartbreak was over for one day. 

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