The Rain On Monday

Written words are the only thing my mind can find ease in.

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35. Relapse

A black sea parted in her mind days before her recovery went awry.

This fallout happened over a course of three inconsecutive days.

She thought her plans of recovery were going well, only four minor dilemmas over the course of three months.

But on a Friday in the fourth month, something went amiss.

Now, looking back on it, she couldn’t quite conjure up an event that led to this breakout.

Nothing came to memory – nothing came to mind.

She realised then what horrors she truly faced in this life-terrorising addicting.

Just as a druggie reaches a point in their addiction to when the source of addiction fades away, and it’s just them and their very susceptible thoughts.

Just as an alcoholic’s reasons for poisoning their liver fades away, their need for this numbing sensation creeps up from time to time, breaking their willpower to fight.

Just as a self-harmer runs out of reasons to keep inflicting harm, they’ll make up reasons in their mind as to why they deserve this hell.

What all of these addictions have in common is that they can perhaps intertwine, in the way that a trivial reason to numb your pain turns into a way of life that is tough to fight alone.

An addiction is an addiction, no matter what size.

 

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