The Rain On Monday

Written words are the only thing my mind can find ease in.

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33. Addiction

Have you ever felt that scary moment when the pain in your heart becomes tangible, and you can touch it, taste it, hold it, but can’t get rid of it?

Have you ever rolled that pain around on your tongue, desperate to rid yourself of it, or breathed it in and out of your lungs, or have you taken a razor to that beautiful skin of yours, just to see a bloody waterfall of pain leaving your skin?

Well, I have.

I’ve done it all, and to tell you the truth, it may help for a while, but the pain creeps up again and again, so your habits turn into addictions, and your addictions into lifestyles.

Numbing the pain only makes the pain worse when you actually feel it.

I know you’re trying, I know you’re crying, I know you’re dying, but killing the inside of you won’t stop the outside of you from killing you.

The pain will always be there, no amount of self-medicating, damaging, mutilating stuff you do to yourself can take it away, and sooner or later, it’ll be all right.

If it’s not all right, you’ll try again.

If you try again and it’s still not all right, try another time, because even if you end up having to try a thousand tedious times, you’ll eventually get there, and life will be good after that.

I’m not promising that you won’t have any downfalls during your good life, because that’d be a lie – but just always keep it in your heart that even the best fall down sometimes.

As long as you pick yourself up and keep going, nothing can go awry.

Your biggest enemy in life is always yourself, and once you learn to conquer yourself, life will get stable and you’ll be stable.

Don’t let the pain take you away.

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