Entries of a Wrist Cutter

These are the entries of a wrist cutter. A self harmer suffering from BPD, borderline personality disorder. The entries include prose and poetry, and are semi-autobiographical.

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6. Woman in Black

 

Tonight I saw a movie, “The Woman in Black”, with my girlfriend and a few of her friends. When I came out of the cinema my face was as white as snow, the expression on my face was of pure terror. I was in my own world, the world that had been built for me by the movie. I couldn’t think. Nor talk. It was as if I had no control over my own body.

 

The rocking chair,

Back and forth back and forth…

The crib

Cradling the young boy,

Rotting away

Decaying slowly as

The mother’s tears run softly

Down her cheek.

 

The wonder,

The childhood innocence,

Every chance of hope

Rotting away from his lifeless eyes.

Her black veil; covering

Her face…

The sorrow, the pain, the anger

Running through her veins.

 

Who is to decide who comes and goes?

The mystery will never unfold itself,

Her fists clenched,

Her face white as snow,

As white as the face belonging

To her only child,

The young boy, going, going,

Gone.

 

Keep him alive,

Her heart whispers in her ears…

Keep him alive.

My eyes dart around in the dark,

My head fills with the horrific mourning

Of the ghostly figure;

What’s left of the mother…

Ghostly whispers in the dark…

 

            After the cinema we went to this place to get something to eat. I started to feel a bit better but I was still lost in this world of grief, suicide, and mourning. Seeing before my eyes young children committing suicide pained me as much as my every day visions of killing myself. It was horrible. But it was a great movie, I must admit.

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