Which way is the right way

If you had the chance to change your life, would you? Of course, what am I asking? Everyone would.
But I wouldn't. I had the perfect life. I had a lovely house, parents who earned loads of money, looked drop dead gorgeous, was in the popular group, had a super fit boyfriend, and was on my way to becoming a child actress. So why wasn't I happy? What the hell else could I possibly want from life...
A spellbinding story about life, love and the choices you make.

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1. After.

I had been waiting.

Waiting for something to happen. Something that would burst this happy little bubble that I was living in. When your life is perfect, you wait for something that could turn everything wrong. And I didn't want to spend my whole life waiting. So I took a risk.

I roll over onto my side so I can look out of my window, at the bars accross it. At the snow falling outside. I see a crow hopping about, it's sleek shiny feathers a dark contrast to the whiteness of the snow. Slowly, I take out my pocketknife from under my bed, my secret hiding place. I'd managed to sneak that one past them. I slide the blade along my arm gently, rhythmically, almost like a dance. I did this, because it was something to do. How sad it that? No, scrap that, how messed up is that?

I stare at the blood trickling down my arm and shuffle over to the sink in the corner of the room.

I turn on the tap.

I watch the water run.

I put my arm under the tap, waiting for the water to turn red.

The water washes all the blood away, but the blood just keeps seeping out of the cuts no matter how long I hold it there. It won't stop it won't stop it won't stop. I wonder if it was possible for all my blood to seep out of my body, to slip down the drain into the sea, staining the sea water a bright vibrant red, and maybe then all my hurt and guilt will be in the sea. I will just be lifeless and new. Hollow. No memories. But the blood is still pouring out, and I see the flashbacks as clear as if my life was playing right in front of me. If I just see it one more time it will all be over. It will end, and leave me alone.

I was Zoe Healey. Yeah, That Girl. You may have seen me on the news. The 16 year old girl who went missing from her south London home on the 1st of December.. I lived in a mansion, in park hill road, the road where the "poshies" lived, in south london. I lived with my mum and my sister. I liked it that way. Mum always told me us three girls have to stick together. And we did, we had the strongest bond ever. No one could tear us apart.

My mother was a dress designer, Harriet Healey, you might have heard of her. She worked hard at her job, designing, researching, sketching, often into the small hours of the night. When I was little I loved helping my mum with her designs, and I'd made up my mind I wanted to be a designer too. Until I found out in secondary school that I didn't much like my tech lessons, and instead preferred drama. My sister was an actress, and so I went from wanting to be a designer like my mum to being an actress like my sister. But my sister was really talented, and she told me you had to be really good if you wanted to make it in the film industry. And, believe me, my sister was good. My sister had been starring in movies since the age of three. In fact, she was in Hollywood, shooting another. I missed her a lot. She was always there to comfort me and give me advice about girly stuff that my mum never seemed to bother to find time for in her oh so busy schedule. Don't get me wrong, I would rather not have 'the talk' with my mum, talking and giggling about it with your sister is much better!  Now she had gone to America though, it did sometimes get lonely at home, though I always texted my friends or had sleepovers whenever I felt the slightest bit lonely.

I thought I had everything anyone could ever want in life, drop dead gorgeous looks, a hot boyfriend who worshipped the ground I walked on, loads of friends. I remember feeling excited for what was going to happen, but that was then, I felt like that for everything, because there was always something new and interesting to be looking forward to.

School was a bore, though I have to admit I liked how I could snap my fingers and people would come running. I had a bunch of friends, all as rich, gorgeous and talented as me, of course. You could say I was the most popular girl in school, though of course my friend Lucy, and our hangers on, Karey, Hallie and Gracie were a close second. I felt superior. I used to make fun of all of them, not realising how much it hurt them. How it made Lucy turn into a bony girl: anorexic, scared of eating. How it made her beautiful blue eyes lose it's sparkle so it became a dull lifeless grey. I used to make fun of them, not realising how it made Karey cut herself, every night, sitting by her window, slicing her thin arm to shreds while the next day I would keep on at her. I always thought that no matter how I treated them all, they would always stick by me, be my friends. It felt like it was something that was normal. I never for once thought I was particularly horrible to them, not when I laughed at Lucy when she couldn't fit into her size 8 jeans, saying maybe she needed to cut back on the fatty food, and there were tears in her eyes as she rushed into the girls loos. Not when I stole Hallie's phone so she couldn't call her boyfriend Isaac because I was jealous and she was up all night worrying that he might have gone off her. Not even when I saw the cuts and scratches on Karey's arm, and yet still yelled at her for not giving me her maths homework to copy. I just didn't treat them like a friend should have. Maybe thats why they eventually got bored, and left, or maybe it was because after I met Jem, I wasn't who I was anymore. I blamed Jem at first, it was all his fault, that's what I thought. it was easier to blame someone else: it made everything easier. Deep down though, I knew there was all the reason in the world for me not to choose that way. I don't even know why I did. I don't even know why I decided to change my whole life. Now I can't go back.

                                                                           

 

September

It was the first day back at school and a shower of red, orange and gold leaves floated down from the branches above. It coated the streets of south london like a crunchy splash of graffiti. My footsteps on them crunch louder than the sweet birdsong and my pop music blaring through my ipod. I sigh and kick a pile of leaves to one side, making a path for me to go without having to stamp on them and turn up the music to full eardrum bleeding volume. The first day back at school, and it was already making me wish the ground would crack open and swallow me whole. Mrs Hopkins, our head of year never failed to give our 'back to school' lecture, and this year, seeing as it was Year 11, the speech was gonna be unbearable. It would probably last right up until third period which, I pull out my timetale from my louis vuitton bag, means we get to miss English. Hmmm, not nessesarily a bad thing. My high heels are rubbing my feet sore, not the regulation school uniform, but by now you would have worked out I was not the kinda girl who ever listened to the rules. I make my own rules. 

Anyway, why am I walking to school in the first place? You'd think that I would have a chauffeur or something, but Jake was off sick today, probably due to the pints he drank yesterday at his mate's stag night, so I'm having to take the rickety old bus like everyone else. Little year 7s barging about, year 8s comparing outfits, year 9s bitching about everyone else on the bus and year 10s looking like a walking advert for Ann Summers.

I turn into Talbot road, and catch sight of Lucy waiting for me at the bus stop. She's chatting to this boy with seriously bad hair, who also looks like he could do with some new clothes as well. I wouldn't be surprised if Lucy was giving him her credit card to buy a whole new outfit because that's the kind of person Lucy is. Sticking up for the school loser, helping the newbies with directions, lending money to kids who forget their lunch money. She was so soft, she'd help anyone, because she always thought the best of people. I would tell her she needed to toughen up, that people weren't always as nice as she was, but she always insisted that I needed to see the good in people.

I stride towards them, flicking my hair. I love my hair. It was sleek and shiny, a dark chocolately brown, falling down my back like a chocolate fountain. Everyone commented on my hair. Some people said I should dye it red, everyone had red hair nowadays. I didn't want to follow some stupid craze. I stuck to my brown locks and people looked up to me for that. The boy looks up just as I come towards them. He smiles, and his nose crinkles up. Wow. wow! He is really hot. Now that I look, I can see that his messy tousled caramel coloured locks go with his face really well. His eyes are lovely. They have a slightly amused look about them, as if he's trying to work you out, and twinkles when he smiles, lighting up his whole face from a dark broody look. I drag my eyes from his face to check out the rest of his body. Quite tall. nice broad shoulders. He's wearing a T'shirt of a band I haven't heard of, baggy jeans and some trainers. The overall look is scruffy but cool.

I don't mind scruffy but cool.

"Hey" he says. His voice is lovely and rich. I wonder if he sings? I imagine him playing a guitar while singing me a sweet little love song. "Hi!" I say quickly before my mind runs away.

"You're Zoe right? Max's sister? Lucy was just telling me."

That. Right there, the first time he talks to me and he mentions my brother. I should have known. It wasn't clever of him and I think he realised his mistake. Who mentions their brother when they're chatting someone up? It was weird but I was so transfixed by his eyes. I didn't realise Jem had one reason to want to hook up with me and that reason wasn't because he liked me, or wanted money, or sex. It didn't really have anything to do with me apart from the fact that it was something to do with Max.

"Yeah. That's me!" I manage a smile. This is getting awkward. No one knows what to say. Luckily Lucy jumps in.

"Jem was just telling me about this... oh it's really sad Zoe, his best friend is in hospital...."

Oh great, Lucy was gonna start going on about how sorry she was and was there something she could do to help?

I need to stop this before she offers to give him her bag.

"Hey Lucy... Do you fancy going for a coffee after school at that new cafe? A lot of us are going. You could come too" I add as an afterthought, tossing Jem a casual glance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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