How to Clean your Unicorn!

Instructions on how to care your unicorn! (C)

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2. Clean a unicorn

No dirty unicorns. No no no no just NO.

You have to make sure your beautiful majestic purple unicorn STAYS beautiful.

These are the complicated and complex steps to cleaning your very own unicorn:

•Firstly, they need a bath. THEY CAN NOT BE BATHED IN WATER. No no no no no NO. They must be bathed in chicken noodle broth. Oh wait. Cross that out. That's how to COOK a unicorn! Wrong...let's try this again:

Unicorns must be bathed in pink cotton candy (what do you people call it...candy floss or something?) The blue kind makes them deathly sick.

After you bathe them, you have to wash off the cotton candy.

This is horribly complicated, but if you get a jug of bubble gum scented vinegar and dump it all over your unicorn (be sure to keep it out of their eyes!), it should wash off like a charm.

Unicorns love bubbles, so add a bunch of bubble soap in the tub of cotton candy (candy floss. I think). This will also make the texture much easier to handle and clean your unicorn with.

Lastly,
Um.
I think that's it. Cheers!

Now go clean that unicorn...I can sense the fruit flys presence...
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