The Light Behind Your Eyes (A Harry Styles ff)

Is it better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all?


3. Use Somebody



Upon opening the door to the hotel suite, I drank in the sight of him. His ivory skin laced with hints of sun, his chocolate brown hair and how it seemed perfectly tucked underneath an olive beanie. And his eyes, oceanic, but they weren’t as calm as an ocean, in his glance there was fire…fire and ice. I had seen my fair share of beautiful men, but when Harry smiled, he surpassed them all. It were as if he had been sculpted and chipped from marble; on display to the world. Beautiful. Young. Intense.

“This place is amazing” he says as he makes his way to the fireplace. It still gives off a fine smell, a smell of fire and wood. “What is it that you do for a living Angel…” and of course this would have happened sooner or later. Because no ordinary girl from Tijuana Mexico would be able to afford this.

“I sing”, this is all I say, because as of late, I wished to be anything but a singer. When I hit it big, everything turned up for me, and with the deals of money coming in, people expected more of me. My father who I hadn’t spoken to in years turns up, and expects me to pay for the roof over his head as well as a hefty pile of monthly bills. My mother who lost her second husband to cancer went off the deep end, loosing her job and her sanity. She’s become hooked on cocaine, but its not something I like to talk about. Especially since im left helpless, and paying her habits. And those are just my parents alone, there are people who claim to be my family members, just for a quick buck. And then those who sell false stories to the media, making money off my name while tearing up my reputation.

“I’ve never heard of you” he adds sitting by the fireplace and starting it up. “Do you perform under Angel Rivera” he shoots me a look, one that shows a deepening curiosity.

“Yes, but I sing Regional Spanish music, I have few English tracks, I’m trying to cross over to more of an American audience”, I sit beside him and watch the flames birth from the wood.

“So I take it you’re a big hit” he brings his knees close to his chest, his hands encased in one another.

“In the Spanish industry” I am chewing my bottom lip because he radiates something brilliant. This wasn’t the art gallery, and we weren’t surrounded by a bunch of people. This was in the solidarity of the suite, just the two of us. I didn’t invite him back here for sex, certainly not, but in a moment like this, its when I realize just how lonely I have been. I came to London to escape it all, my mom, my dad, management. I wanted two weeks of my life back, and very rarely did I get asked for an autograph here.

“I’ll have to look you up sometime”, the sides of his mouth twitch up, but as quickly as it happens, it fades. Talk about illusive. “See what the hype is about…”

“What hype”, I ask feeling the warmth of the flames splay across my face.

“Surely if you can afford to stay in this place, there has to be some kind of hype”, his eyes narrow in on me, and he tilts his head some. “You invited me back because….”

I knew the answer, instantly too. You’re good looking, I’m feeling lonely tonight. But I didn’t let the words even get close to coming out of my mouth, how would I ever recuperate. He would probably think I go home with different guys every night, and that is so not the case. I haven’t been held in months…

I guess from time to time we could all just use somebody…


I shrug when he asks me, because I am not someone who can come up with a quick lie, and most of all, I am bad at lying to begin with. As expected the shrug wasn’t enough to please his appetite. Urging me on he leans his back against the side of the sofa and shoots me a knowing glance. “What would you like me to tell you”

“That you’re lonely, and feeling like a little fish in a big pond, and you couldn’t bare another night alone in the luxurious place. Just Because…” it amazed me how he was so right. The thing is, I think I was too prideful to agree but I didn’t disagree, I just shrugged. Again. “I know that feeling Angel, you forget im in the public eye too, sometimes I feel like that all the time. It doesn’t matter how many shutterbugs you have trying to snap your photo, or how many fans come up to you, when you go home, they are not there. You’re alone. Having someone would ease the burn, just the company of another person”

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