Mattie

©Molly Looby No way. I knew I was dying. I knew I was dying fast, but this hit me like a speeding bullet. How long did I have left, years, months, weeks? Days...?
Hours...?


For Ali-Rose life is just a fading moment. Fighting from her inevitable death is the only thing she can do to save her family from the grief that is sure to engulf them. But something on the horizon is about to change her life...
Forever...


(This is a Twilight fanfic set twelve years after the end of 'Breaking Dawn', but not from Bella's POV, from the POV of Ali-Rose - all will be revealed if you care to read on.)


(Author's Note: Before you read Mattie, please can I just point out that it was written when I was fourteen-fifteen years old, and it was also the first thing I ever wrote and finished, for my own benefit and that of a close friend. I know it has its flaws and I'm okay with that because this story made me grow as an author more than I could've imagined. I truly hope you enjoy it.)

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12. ALONE

“I NEED TO HUNT.” I SAID FOR WHAT FELT LIKE THE millionth time this evening. Carlisle had told me that hunting would be a bad idea. I was too weak to hunt. I would never be able to catch anything - that was obvious.

“I’m sorry Ali-Rose. You know my verdict.” Carlisle said. He didn’t like to see me in pain, and I didn’t like to see my words make him sad. But the burning pain in my throat hadn’t subsided all day. It was torture.

“Carlisle,” Edward’s voice was serious. “Find a way to satisfy her thirst. If you could read her mind you would understand. It’s truly torturing her.”

I looked over towards the chess table. Edward and Alice were playing chess again. They played chess quite often.

Thank you. I mouthed at Edward. He smiled at me and continued his game.

All night Carlisle was thinking of some way to reduce my thirst. He had some blood in his office from work, spares, just in case - but I refused to drink it. I would never let human blood pass my lips, not even in that way. The only other thing he could think of was if he killed and left an animal for me, but we had to travel far and fast to catch anything, and that would mean leaving me in the forest. Neither of us liked that plan very much, even if someone was waiting with me. I liked hunting my own food. It was frustrating to think that I’d lost the ability to do that too. In the end I decided to wait for a bit longer. I wouldn’t return to school. The holidays were only a few days away anyway. I wondered if I’d ever return to school. If I’d get that far, if I would ever see my friends again. I suddenly felt sad that I never said goodbye. I felt unbearably alone. I was brushing thorough my hair absentmindedly when I noticed the colour of my eyes. Today they were deep brown, nearly black. It was quite a difference from yesterday’s midnight blue. I ignored the burning in my throat as best as I could. While I was reading Alice skipped in, she’d won the game of chess, I could tell.

“Hey.” I said, without even looking up.

“Hi.” She took her place in my chair and looked at me curiously. “You’re not reading one of Bella’s books.” She stated.

“No.” I answered simply, looking up from my book now.

“Why?”

“Uh . . .”

A grin crept across Alice’s face. “What are you hiding from me?”

“Uh . . . nothing.” I knew she’d get it out of me, I just hoped she’d keep it to herself.

“Why aren’t you reading one of Bella’s books?” She persisted. “You can trust me.”

I sighed and winced, one after the other. “I know.”

“What is it?”

“It makes me feel lonely.” I admitted hanging my head.

“Oh.” Her short answer made me look up. Her smile had faded. “You’ll find someone.” She said confidently.

“Alice . . .”

“You will Ali-Rose.”

“You can’t honestly believe that Alice.”

“Well I do. Someone as wonderful as you deserves it.”

I didn’t answer. Deserving love didn’t mean I was ever going to get it. Who would want a hybrid - A freak of nature? Who could ever put up with the endless panic that was my life? Who would I allow to be part of my perfect family? No human would ever win my heart, I was certain of that much. No vampire would see me in that way, I’m part of – apart from the Volturi – the most powerful vampire coven in existence, no vampire would approach our family. The vampires that I did know were family friends, ancient in their own ways. I was just a child to them and the werewolves. The wolves were my ‘uncles’ and Leah was my ‘auntie’ – my extended family. There was no loophole in my thinking. Not one. I wished Alice could see into my future. But my future was pretty clear. Nothing but death stood on my horizon. Alice’s arms were around me, hugging me close.

“Ali-Rose, you will find happiness. Everyone else has. It’s your turn.”

“Alice . . .” I had a question for her, it seemed silly, but I had to ask it. “Do you think you’d see someone coming, if . . . if they were destined for me?”

“I don’t think so. If their future was tied into yours then I wouldn’t see it.”

“Oh,” was all I managed in reply. “Do you believe there are such things as soul mates Alice?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t think so. I just think that if a match is perfect, then it’s as good as a soul mate. No wonder you’re lonely Ali-Rose. I would be. You’re constantly surrounded by five perfectly matched pairs. No wonder.”

“I won’t get my hopes up.” I whispered almost silently. Alice just ignored me and continued to hug me.

I couldn’t stop myself from wondering, dreaming. I wanted my perfect match. Everyone around me found their match, it didn’t seem so hard. Stop it! I shouted at myself. Don’t think like that. Don’t get your hopes up. It’s not worth it. I probably won’t live long enough to search anyway. Surely I only had a year left? Maybe a little bit more, or a lot less. I climbed out of Alice’s arms and switched my laptop on. Writing would take my mind off everything. Alice returned downstairs as my laptop screen flashed with light. It was quicker to turn on this time, which was good. I was itching to write, occupy my mind. I finished my second chapter and began to write the third. I stopped typing. Is Edward listening? I wondered.

No. Brilliant! I was ready for the answer and got a thrill when I heard my own voice in my head. I decided to think through my very dangerous thought while I could. Is Edward at the cottage?

Yes. Just the answer I wanted. Bella and Edward had a pretty cottage, it was very similar to the one they had in Forks. He wouldn’t be looking into my thoughts until tomorrow. Good. I began thinking, coming up with a plan. What if I was to be turned into a vampire? I shivered with desire from the thought. If I was a vampire all my problems would be solved. I wouldn’t be on the brink of death. They wouldn’t have to worry. I wouldn’t have to go to school. I would be able to hunt again. I could be a proper Cullen.  I’d be strong, fast, and unbreakable. I would never die. I would never worry them again. I tried to think of the downside, the things that would be thrown against me. The thirst. I’d been handling a weak version of the thirst my whole life and I was getting very good at it. The thirst I felt today was probably closer to what the vampires had to live with, but I could handle that too, like I was doing now. My age. They would tell me that I’m too young. That was true. Even if I waited until after my birthday, I would still be too young. Nobody would be willing to change me. Maybe if I waited until I was ‘sixteen’ or seventeen’. No older, definitely not. I still couldn’t stand the idea of being older than Edward. A promising thought struck me. Maybe they would change me. If it was the only  thing they could do to keep me alive.

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