Larry Imagines

Just a Larry fanfic I wrote one night that I couldn't sleep. Sorry if it sucks o o p s. I wrote this on my phone that's why not everything is set up as should be.

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1. Secrets

 

     "Everyone would ask "Are you dating?" and we'd laugh but shake our heads. We knew though. We knew deep down that we had feelings for each other, these feelings that would manifest into something greater than either of us could imagine if only we let them. They tug and tug at our hearts and our lips, begging to be known. I would give anything to show this in public. To grab your hand, to tousle your hair, to poke at your side which you say you hate but really you just bite your lip in an effort not to laugh." He smirks and looks down at the floor. I touch my thumb, to the screen, tracing the outline of his face. "I want to tell our fans. I want to talk to them about the nights we've spent boarded into our flat watching our favorite movies together. I want you to look at me in public the way you do at home without being reprimanded later by management. I want to feel your warm hand in mine while we're walking around town. I want your body always close to mine so I know life isn't something I have to go through on my own. I want to comprehend what we have, but I can't if it's not allowed to exist. I want you to tell me that you feel this way, that i'm not the only one restraining myself from throwing my arm around you when we're out and about. I want to kiss your soft lips and not have to care whether people are watching."

     I put my hand over my mouth and rest my elbow on my knee. The TV goes blurry from my tears. I can make out Louis's messy hair and his brown t-shirt, but that's about it. I sniffle.

     "You know," Louis's voice breaks from holding back his tears, "I just want to love you without feeling like I'm walking on broken glass." He pauses for a minute. "The pills should kick in by 5:30," he says, his composure partially back. He wipes off his face and leans onto his hand just like I am, avoiding looking directly at the camera.

     I blink away my tears to see the clock. It's 4:57. I hop off of my bed and grab my jacket. I sprint to my car, not even remembering to lock the door on the way out. I have bigger problems. I slam the car door and start to drive as fast as possible. I'm clinging to the hope that Louis's still alive, just like he could be clinging to his life. I'm almost to our flat. I slip my hand around the car door handle and yank on it. I push it closed with my elbow once I exit. I run to our flat's door and knock.

     "Louis!" I scream. I press my ear to the cold surface and listen. Nothing. I pound on it with both my hands. "Louis come let me in!" I shrill. I dig in my coat pocket for my spare key. Once I feel it I wrap my fingers around it and shove it into the keyhole. "Louis I'm coming," I say, more to myself than to anyone. The door opens and I step inside. I drop my coat and stand there for a minute. I listen for him, for anything. "Louis?" I whimper. I see him sitting on the couch. "Louis!" I shout excitedly. I walk towards him quickly. There's a person next to him, though. It's Eleanor. I get a strange sensation of déjà vu. This isn't actually happening, it's a flashback. I remember this night. It was the night Louis brought Eleanor home and I walked in on them making out. I was absolutely livid, and so jealous. That's supposed to be me with my hands on you, Lou. Now I was reliving it; one of the worst nights of my life.

     I wipe my face and begin looking for Louis again. I run into my room and open the door. No Louis. I walk into the bathroom. Pill bottles, about seven. One is spilled onto the floor. One is open and empty. The rest are just sprinkled across the room, but still no Louis. I start to cry again. Not just normal crying, but sobs that make me shake. If I open Louis's door, I know what could be there, but if I don't open it, maybe I could be letting my best friend slip through my fingers. I turn the knob slowly and push the door open.

     "Lou?" I see feet hanging off the bed. I start to hyperventilate. I turn around the corner of the wall that was obstructing my view. He's laying on his back staring at the ceiling, hands folded on his stomach. My face flushes and my stomach drops. "Louis come on. Let's go; you need to get your stomach pumped." I tell him, relieved that he's still okay. He doesn't reply; he just stares. "Louis?" no reply. I crouch over his body. "Louis this isn't funny," I say sternly. "Come on," I yank his arm, but it's limp. Not one bit of resistance. I pull back. I gently brush his face with the back of my fingers. "Louis, let;s go." He stares but doesn't speak. "Louis, come on!" I shake him. I grab his wrist to check his pulse. I don't feel anything. I check another spot, and another. Nothing. "They weren't supposed to work until 5:30! You said 5:30 you bastard!" I yell.   

     "Come on! Wake up! I can't do this without you! Please just wake up. Remember I promised tonight that we could watch that stupid new movie you keep begging me to see? We need to do that! Come on! You can't watch when you're asleep! I was supposed to cuddle you and tell you all of the things I love about you. I wanted to play with your hair and kiss your perfect lips. Tomorrow we were supposed to meet the boys at that fancy restaurant. Come on, you have to get up!" I shake his shoulders more forcefully.

     "Tonight I wanted to finally ask you to be my boyfriend. Officially. Now wake up so you can say yes and make all my hard work pay off. Come on Lou bear. You have to get up. Please? For me? I need you to say something. Please don't be gone. Please. You can't leave like this. My whole world was you. It is you. I need you. I can't pull through this alone. Remember in your video you said how you wanted my body always next to yours so you knew life wasn't something you had to endure by yourself? That's what I need now, your arms wrapped around my neck, you burying your head into my shoulder, telling me you love me. I need you."

     I soak his shirt in tears before calling the boys and telling them what happened. That night no one left me alone, scared of what would happen. Once I finally convinced everyone I was going to be alright, and almost convinced myself even, I excused myself to the bathroom. I grabbed a bottle of pills and swallowed all but 4. I told everyone that I was too tired and that I was going to sleep. I gave all my friends and family hugs, knowing that was the last time I'd hold them in my arms, but I didn't know that with Louis. That was the difference. I didn't know I'd never get to take his hand in mine ever again.

     I went to bed then, knowing that I'd wake up wherever Louis was, finally able to love each other the way we wanted to; with no regrets and no restraints. I'd have him, and that's all that matters. That's all that ever had mattered, really. I couldn't believe it took so long for me to realize it, and I couldn't wait to see the smile on his face once he laid eyes on me again. 

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