Homeless.

The moment his emerald green eyes captured mine I couldn’t believe that I was staring at such beauty. The way the warm England breeze blew threw his wild curls instantly made him look like a model. But, I could only imagine what he thought of me. A girl with dirt stains on her pants and shirt, uncombed hair, and holey shoes. I was just the homeless girl.

His world was obviously so different than mine.

Just for a second I swore I could have seen deep dimples on the side of his cheeks as a small smile appeared on his face. “Uh did you not hear me? Get out of here!” the security guard asked. I regrettably tore my eyes away from the boy and nodded “Okay. Sorry again” I whispered.

“Mina…is dat boy got lotsa money?” she asked.

I chuckled and whispered “Yea. I think so” I said and continued down the long path exiting the wealthy neighborhood. “Mina and Izzy don’t got money wite?” she said.

She was right...we had nothing. We were homeless.

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12. Angel

I giggled as Izzy curled into my side while I pulled the warm comforter of Harry’s guest bed over us. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in my room?” Harry asked for the hundredth time in the past 10 minutes. “Harry, I’m fine. Stop worrying about me!” I said playfully while Harry came over and tucked the blankets around us. I was happy that the kiss didn’t mess anything up, at first I was nervous that he would hate me or something but nothing really changed. I guess you could say he’s been more affectionate lately but he’s always been like that.

 

“I’m only worrying about you because I care!” he said with a small smile. “Well care about me less” I laughed kissing his cheek after he placed a kiss to my forehead. “heyyy what bout my kiss!” Izzy said. “Don’t worry I didn’t forget about you Izzy” harry smiled. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped my mouth as I watched my sister clutch her cheek and turn ruby red at harry kissing her. He walked towards the door glancing back uneasily as if I was going to disappear or something. “Harry….” I said in a warning voice knowing he was about to ask the same question. He sighed and threw his arms out in defeat. “Fine! Goodnight my two beautiful girls” he smiled. “Nightt Haywwwweeeee” Izzy squealed happily “Goodnight Curly” I smiled at him.

 

When he closed the door I let the comfort of the bed engulf me in warmth as I let my mind wander towards how the past few days had completely changed my life. Danielle and I were the best of friends she was so sweet and I was sad she wasn’t going on tour with us, but she had some professional dance tour to go on. The boys were like brothers I never had and even thought I still felt bad I hadn’t told them everything about my life they didn’t push to know. It was like they accepted me either way.

 

I know that my life had gotten a lot better since I met the boys but I couldn’t help the feeling that I wasn’t supposed to be here, this wasn’t the life I was supposed to live. I felt uneasy about how the boys were buy stuff for me, and I felt helpless to pay them back. I began to feel like maybe I was some sort of burden they picked up because they felt sorry for me. Was it a good idea for me to go from being a sheltered shy girl that was determined to keep out of the public eye, to change scenes and become the talk of the public eye by touring with the world’s biggest boy band?

 

I hated the spotlight, the boys loved it. I hated large crowds and screaming people, the boys lived for it. Was I ready to take the step and change my life forever, because after going on tour I could never go back to just being homeless girl. I don’t know how long I was thinking for but for some reason I had a sudden urge to just visit some of the old places I used to stay at before I left for the tour in a few hours.

 

I glanced at my sister who slept peacefully and slowly and quietly unwrapped her arms from my body and got out of bed. As I looked back at Izzy, sucking her thumb quietly, I knew I couldn’t just leave her there to wake up without me. I cradled her in my arms knowing, since she was such a heavy sleeper she wouldn’t wake up, and as quietly as possible moved through the hall. She had taken a liking to all the boys but I knew who she would love to wake up too. Zayn.

 

The clock on the wall shined against the moonlight coming in from the window in the hallway which told me it was about 4 a.m. We would be leaving to go to America in 6 hours, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to leave, but I had a huge urge to. Thankfully all the boys had agreed to stay at Harry’s for the night so it was easy to locate Zayn’s room because he was a few doors down from me.

 

I contemplated whether I should knock or not but eventually I just pushed the door open to find a sleeping Zayn curled up in his bed peacefully with his headphones in his ear. With Izzy still held in my arms I walked over to his sleeping figure and woke him up as gently as I could by brushing his cheek a few times. “hmmm?” he said sleepily. I waited for his eyes to open to reveal those pretty amber eyes. “Mina? What’s wrong are you alright?” he asked. “Yea I’m fine…can Izzy sleep with you tonight?” I asked. He seemed more awake as his eyes locked out to Izzy “Yea sure, but why?” he asked leaning up, taking her from my arms, and covering her with blankets. “I just need some fresh air…” I said, I sat at the edge of his bed so we were facing each other. “If Harry finds out you left he’s going to freak out” he said seriously. “Ill be back in like an hour I just need some time to think. Ill be back before he wakes up, and if Im not come to the place where you guys found me in the alley” I said instantly regretting saying that as Zayn’s eyes shot opened “No way in hell are you going back over there! You could get hurt and no ones there to protect you!” he said frantically. “Zayn calm down, I’ve lived there for years I will be fine, I just need to visit some place” I said. “Tell me where you are going and if you aren’t back in an hour we are all coming to find you” he said.

 

I rolled my eyes and sighed “Fine, Ill be at St. Mary’s Church” I said slowly. He seemed to take in what I said and looked at me like I was crazy “That church has been closed down for forever” he said. Ugh why couldn’t he just let me go! “I’ll be back soon” I said kissing his cheek and rushing out before he could say anything else.

 

I didn’t care that I was in Harry’s long pajama pants and a tank top, I just grabbed one of Niall’s sweatshirts by the door and slipped on some of Danielle’s flats that she left and escaped into the dark night.

 

It actually felt good slipping through the forest, the familiarity of it all coming back to me and welcoming me of my independent nature. I past the creek that Izzy and I had taken baths in and realized we were now showering in nice tiled showers with glass doors. I shouldn’t have promised Zayn I’d be back soon because the church was a distance away and would probably take me an hour to get there. But, another specialty of mine was running. As I picked up my speed I smiled as the English air whipped through my hair, the streets where clear and the sun was slightly beginning to rise painting the sky with a light blue color starting in the horizon.

 

Running gave me a sense of freedom, like I was running from all of my problems and my past. My breath was heavy and sweat was gliding down my face by the time the church came into view. I took note of the familiar “Do Not Enter” sign, but like many times before I opened the gate to the old abandoned church and walked around the back. I easily found the broken window that accessed me to the churches basement and slid in careful to avoid any glass. Why did I come to a church you may ask?

 

Well, my mother may hold some awful memories in my mind but when I was really young, she used to bring me here. She used to sing in the churches choir and every Sunday when I was 4 or 5 I would sit through their rehearsals enjoying the loud voices echoing off of the glass windows. Once she started using she didn’t bring me anymore so I had to find my way myself. The church was my escape at moment and it was the only place I could really think about life. It was actually crazy considering someone as young as myself at the time was thinking about life…but I was.

 

When the church closed down I would constantly break in. I was upset that they would close down such a beautiful and historic church. It was my sanctuary and I wasn’t going to just let them close it down and keep me from it. The old church smell filled my nostrils as I eyed all of the old books and furniture that was held in the basement.

 

I made my way up the stairs and into the main church smiling instantly as the sun crept through the colorful glass art that lined the churches walls. The pews where painted with color from the windows and eliminated the whole church with bright lights. It felt so good to be back here. Although I had never been religious I enjoyed the idea that maybe there was something up there that watched over us and loved us. I found my normal section where I sat in the second pew from the preachers stand.

 

My life has been hell to say the least, but moments like these where I could escape for just a little while made everything okay. As I sat there I closed my eyes imagining back to when I was a little child watching my mom standing behind the choir director and singing her heart out. When I opened my eyes it was like my memory became a reality, I could distinctly see the choir in front of me dressed in their all white outfits holding their music. The soft music bounced towards my ears and I could feel my mouth extend upwards into a big smile. But, just as quickly as I saw it, it disappeared…it was just a memory again.

 

“I don’t know if there is anyone up there, but I need some help. My whole life I’ve been unwanted and abused. Sometimes I didn’t know why I was put here on this earth just to be tortured…all I ever knew was loneliness and that’s what I’m accustomed to. But, here I am being welcomed by a group of rich famous boys who are like family to me now. I want to go with them and maybe start my life over but I can’t help thinking that something bad will happen and I will get my hopes up only to end up back on the streets. I don’t know what to do…and I know your probably busy with more important stuff but I just wish I knew what to do” I said listening to the silence that returned to me.

 

I knew that no one would answer back but sometimes at moments like these I just wish they would. I sighed and looked around making sure no one was around, once clearing the area I made my way to the stage where an old piano and guitar sat. I was so grateful for the choir director who left them behind for me after the church shut down. I decided the guitar would be nice to play today to help clear my mind. Once holding it I tuned it a little and then began plucking random strings until finally I knew what song I was going to sing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and opened my mouth to sing

 

 I was unafraid, I was a boy, I was a tender age
melic in the naked, knew a lake and drew the lofts for page
hurdle all the waitings up, know it wasn’t wedded love
4 long minutes end and it was over it’d all be back
and the frost took up the eyes

Pressed against the pane could see the veins and there was poison out
resting in a raze the inner claims I hadn’t breadth to shake
searching for an inner clout, may not take another bout
honey in the hale could fill the pales of loving less with vain
hon, it wasn’t yet the spring

Aiming and it sunk and we were drunk and we had fleshed it out
nose up in the globes, you never know if you are passing out
no it wasn’t maiden-up, the falling or the faded luck
hung up in the ivory, both were climbing for a finer cause
love can hardly leave the room
with your heart

 

Even thought the song had finished I still kept my eyes close just listening to the echoing last note of what I sang. It lingered softly in the air and was uninterrupted easing my thoughts and once the noted faded I let my eyes flutter open. I gasped completely shocked to find Harry and the boys standing at the entrance of the church with wide eyes and opened mouths.

 

“You have to be an angel” Harry whispered softly.

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