Writing To Abigail


Abigail was my best friend.
She disappeared one day and never came back.
Well that's what they want me to think.
But I know what happened.
You gave me the note, and promised to meet me again in heaven some day.
I write letters to Abigail every day, hoping maybe she'd read them, maybe she could help.
Sometimes I can feel her, but she's not here.
Abby, please save me?


2. June 20

June 20, 2012


Okay. my mom is suspecting something's up. She's like "Tori, you're always in the bathroom." like she says this all fucking day long. I hope she doesn't find out I'm purging. Cuz then I'm fucked. I mean I have to be skinny by the time Sophomore year hits. Right? Especially for James. And for Derek to be like, why the fuck did I dump that?

Anyway, because she keeps saying shit I didn't purge dinner to lower suspicion. And instead I cut more on my legs. I don't know how many drawings there is now. I think 145. I'm going to punish myself every time I gain, or I can't seem to purge everything. I'm too fat for food. Even you know that, you reminded me I was fat and I needed to puke. Remember that.

Remember the time we both puked for the very first time? I do. We were at your grandmother's house watching her dogs for the weekend together. We were looking up easy ways for thirteen year olds to lose weight. So we helped each other throw up. Tooth brushes. Fingers. Down our throats.

No one knew.

Besides me and you.

We were untouchable.

We were beautiful together.

We were meant to meet each other.

So self destruction could make us more beautiful. More untouchable.

Then you left me.

I still won't be able to forgive you for that.

Sincerely, fat ass Tori

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