Writing To Abigail


Abigail was my best friend.
She disappeared one day and never came back.
Well that's what they want me to think.
But I know what happened.
You gave me the note, and promised to meet me again in heaven some day.
I write letters to Abigail every day, hoping maybe she'd read them, maybe she could help.
Sometimes I can feel her, but she's not here.
Abby, please save me?


10. July 6

July 6,


Derek wants me back. What a douche. He doesn't want me. All he ever said during our relationship was how I needed to eat more. And I'm small. And he loved me. I loved him too. Heck, I still love him. But he's dangerous. I can't trust him. He's so bipolar! He didn't want to even hear about my existence again, and here out of nowhere here he is begging for my forgiveness. He's the one who broke up with me after all. Why do I even try to deal with boys? I think it'd be so much easier to date girls. They're so mellow, and cute, and know what other girls want. But, unfortunately I'm straight and not attracted to any girls. Well I mean I was kind of attracted to you, but I think you were just so perfect for me. We're soul mates  just not in a sexual way. I've always thought that. Always. I'm sure I've mentioned this a million times, but Abby, you're my everything. Only in a friend way. I never needed anyone else besides you. And see, I still need you. I need you to guide me through life. Hopefully you'll see these soon. Maybe you read these over my shoulder, I don't know. I would do anything just to see your face again. Your thin face. On somedays your cheeks were puffy from an abnormal amount of purging. Your nails turned weird colors, so you painted them all cute. Your legs were perfection, boys would make fun of you saying that you had "chicken legs" during 8th grade PE. But I thought they were everything I wanted. The day we were dared to go skinny dipping, was the day I saw your whole body. The amazingness of it. It was all I ever wanted. I never wanted to have a chest, boobs would just add more weight to me. You didn't have boobs. I do. And I did. Now that I think of it, a lot of people made fun of your body for being "too small" yet all you wanted to do was get smaller. Abby, are you smaller in heaven? Are you all you ever wanted up above? Are you perfection to yourself in paradise?

Love, Tori

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