Writing To Abigail

**THIS STORY MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDERS!**

Abigail was my best friend.
She disappeared one day and never came back.
Well that's what they want me to think.
But I know what happened.
You gave me the note, and promised to meet me again in heaven some day.
I write letters to Abigail every day, hoping maybe she'd read them, maybe she could help.
Sometimes I can feel her, but she's not here.
Abby, please save me?

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12. July 12

July 12,

Abigail,

36 hours into my 62 hour fast. I almost gave in to cereal this morning. My mom insisted I ate something, so I grabbed a granola bar, that I threw in the trash can on the way to school. She keeps saying I need to gain weight because I'm so skinny. I am not skinny, I am disgustingly huge.

Derek met me on the way to school, he walked me into McDonald's. Welcome to the world's biggest obesity creator known. Why did we have to go here? We could have just grabbed something at school ya know. I quickly hit my hand against my thighs checking for money and fatness.

Yup still as fat as I was yesterday.

"Do you want anything?" he asked.

"No, I don't have any money." I said.

"I could buy you something, my new job gets me paid a shit load. And you're priority."

It was cute and gross.

More gross than cute.

"No, no it's okay. I'm not really hungry. Actually, uh, my stomach's been hurting. I had a ton of food last night for dinner" lie "we went to a buffet, and it was just so good, jeez, I'm surprised I ate that much." lie "anyway, it's okay. I'm sure I'll get hungry later, so I'll just buy something from the cafeteria." lie.

He shrugged and made a weird look.

He doesn't care anyway.

He got three hash browns, and an egg mcmuffin with two sausage links, that he dips in the highest calorie maple syrup, along with a coke.

How can he eat so much?
That's enough to feed a whole family in a week!

Jesus.

I'm so glad I wasn't pressured into the greasy goodness McDonald's offers.

Thanks Abby.

Thanks for teaching me how to avoid situations that involves indulging any kind of food, whether it's a banana or a whole meal on Thanksgiving. I can avoid it all, because you taught me.

Thanks, Tori

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