My Big Brother

Ashely Styles is 11 months younger than Harry. She loves her brother to death. They're best friends. Everyone knows who they are. Especially Ashely's name. She's every boy's dream girl. Funny, wild, crazy. And good looking. She charms her way out of trouble. Harry thinks no one is good enough for his sister. He scares off every guy she goes on a date with. He loves her to death. Ashely's his best friend aside from his three other mates (Niall, Louis and Liam). But not even they are allowed to look at her for too long let alone ask her to prom without approval.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled at him.

"Why are you acting like this?!" He followed me up to my room.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I hung up my phone.

"I CAN'T BELIEIEVE YOU!" I pushed him out of my room.

"Ashely! What did I do!?" He begged for an explination.

"Never talk to me again! You're not my brother!" I screamed.

He made him leave. He did this.


45. Stories!!!!!

*Ashely's POV*

I hugged him tightly, my head in his chest. "Of course, Zayn. And nothing can change that. Just because you did something bad, doesn't mean I'll instantly stop loving you. My feelings are too strong for that."

"I'm so sorry for hurting you." Zayn whispered as he turns the light back on.

I laid on my bed and pulled the covers over my shoulders, my back facing towards him. I inhale deeply as my body shakes a bit.

"Calm down and rest." Zayn gently said before kissing my temple. I turned and looked at him. He sat down in the chair and leaned his elbows on my bed. His hand caressing my forehead. "I never realized how selfish I was being."

My eyebrows knit together as I look at him with pure confusion.

"All we've ever done is talk about my problems. I've never taken the time to ask about your life." He explained then glanced at his watch. "We have 30 minutes left. Care to explain?"

I flopped on my back and sighed. "For the 14 years I have been living, they have been pretty hectic." I began.

"When our parents divorced, I was probably 4 or 5 and at the time, I didn't understand. All I knew is that he wasn't coming back. And at such a young age, I got paranoid and thought everyone else would leave me as well. I was antisocial and I didn't like to talk. Gemma had friends to go off to, being the adolescent she was, so I just stuck with Harry and he didn't mind at all. He was the only one who was always there for me forever and I just got clingy, I guess.

My anxiety probably started a couple of months after dad left. Mum told us she had to leave and I panicked. I thought she wasn't going to come back ever and she was going to be just like dad. At the time, Mum thought I was just being dramatic but when I had my first attack, she found it was more than she thought.

I got checked into here probably at age 6? But I didn't want to be around all of these strangers. I just wanted Harry because I know that he's the only one who would never leave me no matter what. So whenever visiting hours were over, I'd panic because I thought he'd leave forever even when he told me he would come back first thing in the morning and then after school. I thought he was just lying and my paranoia just got stronger.

I remember one day, I was just waiting for Harry to come. He said he'd take me down to the cafeteria and we'd have ice cream. But the moment visiting hours closed, I had my first strong attack. I ended up sleeping in the corner of the room because of how bad it was and I didn't want to move at all. I was just scared. I thought he lied to me.

That's when I started to hate people. I didn't want the nurses to look at me, touch me, I didn't even want them to stand too close or else I would start screaming and sobbing because I thought they would hurt me.

I found out later that Harry was just on a school overnight trip and he forgot to tell me. I don't know why Mum or Gemma didn't take it upon themselves to tell me but now they do.

When I the checked out for the first time, I was probably in there for a month. I went to school and I remembered Harry became sort of a body guard for me. He knew I still hated being touched so if someone tried to, he'd stop them. Even teacher's.

Then, kids started calling me crazy."

*Zayn's POV*

The look on her face when she remembered that is the same one I've seen too many times.

On myself.

It was the look in of utter disgust with yourself. The wonder of why you couldn't be like others. The pure look of self hatred.

"They began to follow us half way home and I was glad they didn't follow us all the way for the time being. It made me feel safe. That is... Until I got a letter in the mail.

I remember Mum bringing it inside and she was grinning as my name was written on the back. Me, on the other hand, started to feel more panic. I wondered how they knew where I lived and why they were sending me stuff. I was shaking real badly and I didn't want to open it. Like, I was about to have a panic attack until Mum opened it for me and told me it was just a letter from Grandma asking me how I was and other things Grandmothers would ask. I was relieved at the moment but then my paranoia grew even greater.

It was recess, Harry introduced me to Liam and Niall that day. We were all playing when a group of kids began to tease me again. Harry was too busy paying attention to a conversation he was having with Liam and Niall that he didn't notice they were pestering me 10 feet away. They spat nasty things at me and began to circle me. Then one of the kids punched me in the shoulder and it really hurt.

So that punch, plus them circling me lead to know good. I fell to the floor and was shaking furiously, my knees pulled tightly into my chest. Harry found me and Niall was yelling at the kids because it turns out that they were Niall' s friend which made me think Niall put them up to it, but he obviously didn't. But, I was still taken back to the hospital.

We met Louis because his Mum was my nurse. She'd always bring Louis in and he is his loud, obnoxious self. I wasn't really scared of him, though just because he came off as such a good soul. The four of us probably became the friends we are in this room because over the course of the years, I would get attacks from tests, sports, presentation time in class.

I don't know. I am only 14 almost 15. I'm probably being a drama queen. I just.. I don't like having severe anxiety. Like people don't get it. And I know I'm a cheerleader and I always have to perform but what you don't realize that it takes me over a week of mental preparation for things like that. And I don't know why I put myself through so much torture when I'm always scared of being dropped. I guess I am just over reacting. I mean, people are nicer to me since I had 3 attacks in one school year in the 6th grade. And people are more understanding but I just hate the fact that everyone knows me. Though, my anxiety isn't as bad as before, my heart still stops when people I don't know talk to me and my paranoia comes back.

But like I said, I'm probably over reacting. It's not as serious as it was before but still." She shrugged.

"No, Ashely." I held her hand. "It's not. You can't control those feelings. You're not a drama queen at all. You just have this thing in your mind that gives you doubts and lies but you don't have the ability to shake it off after being hurt so much as a child. No one knows what it's like unless they've seen it for themselves. And I know you probably hate yourself because of your flaw but you have to understand that flaws are what makes us human. People who don't have anxiety will never understand how hard it is to live in constant paranoia. But there are people out there who care and want to help you."

"You probably want to leave me because I'm crazy." I heard Ashely mutter under her breath.

"Don't say that. I won't leave you and you won't leave me. " I kissed her hand. "And I just love you even more for what you do. I love how you don't let your anxiety prevent you from doing the things you love like football, cheerleading, being outspoken. You're really amazing, you know?" I whispered.

She gave me a cute smile and shrugged. "I try."

Just as I was about to say something else, the door clicked causing Ashely to yank her hand away from me and cover herself with the sheets once again.

"Ashely?" A voice cautiously said. Harry popped in. I sat back and sighed. "Hey. She asleep?"

"Eh, I don't know. She shut her eyes just a few minutes ago. I wouldn't wake her." I explained.

Harry nodded. "Well, visiting hours are almost over. I can give you a ride home if you want." Harry softly offered.

"Who is going to stay with Ashely?" I asked knowing she doesn't want to be alone.

"Louis. His Mum has the night shift so he can stay as long as he's out of the way." Harry confirmed. "She'll be okay."

"You heard her today. She doesn't want anybody but you." I harshly spoke.

Harry sucked his lips into a tight line. "But Louis always stays with her at night. If she wakes up, Louis talks to her and keeps her calm. She's close to Louis. She'll be alright."

"But Harry, she wants only you." My eyes narrowed. "She needs you."

"Well, I need sleep. I can't put up with her screams anymore. I just need to be alone for a bit. It's been a rough day." He groaned.

"Harry, you need to stay with her! You know she has attachment issues. She needs her brother! Why is your sleep more important than her health?!"

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER LIKE THIS!" He yelled, causing Ashely to jump and shake. "It hurts too much, Zayn. I can't stand being in here and I hate standing in this room. I've seen so much happen to her and I can't stand to watch her shake in fear at night. Honestly, I'm not going home to sleep. No, I'm going to cry. I just don't want her to see me do it because I'm her big brother! I'm supposed to be strong! All I'm asking for is a few hours to break down and be weak for once! But I can't do that when she's around because I can't let her see that!" Harry yelled.

Though her back was towards me, I still noticed she was crying.

"You don't understand, Zayn. You really don't. It's not only hard on her but me! I'm not a bad brother no matter what! And I know you think I'm horrible to her, everyone does, dammit! But I'm just protecting her from things like this! She's not as strong as she thinks she is and I know that! She's actually as fragile as a porcelain doll! But only I know that because nobody pays attention to her like I do, or understands her like I do! You weren't there when I was. You didn't see the things I did or feel the things I did! So you know what? Call me a horrible brother for wanting to go home and cry instead of holding her hands and watching her in pain. I'm probably so selfish for not wanting to witness this! Oh please, Zayn! Just call me the worst brother ever because I don't want to witness this! CALL ME HORRIBLE!" He shouted.

I stared at him. He was still choking back his tears but one accidentally slipped. He smacked his hand onto his cheek and wiped it away quickly. His eyes met the floor.

"Harry..." Ashely croaked. Harry went around the bed and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry. Louis will look after you. I'll be here all day, tomorrow though. Mum is letting me stay. The others might stay as well. You get some sleep. If you wake up, you go to Louis. You know where he is. His Mum will be around in the morning so you be sure you're in here and don't make her track you down." A small chuckle left his lips. "I'm sorry for leaving but I'll still be here." He pointed to her chest. "Forever."

Ashely sat up and hugged him. Harry shut his eyes tightly and a few more tears slipped. He wiped them away then pulled back.

"Goodnight, Tiger. I love you." Harry smiled before kissing her cheek. "Wait for me."

Ashely nodded then laid back down. Harry tucked the blanket around her feet then went to the door.

"Common, Zayn. I'll give you a ride home." Harry said before leaving.

"Bye Ash. Love you." I whispered then quickly kissed her temple.

I ran out to Harry and followed him to his car. Part of the ride was silent as we had nothing to say. I was still soaking in what he had said.

I gained a bit more respect for him and I felt bad I had pushed him into saying what he did. I didn't mean to. I just thought Ashely would've wanted him to stay. I'm not sure she had heard him or not because her hands were clasped tightly around her ears. I sighed.

"I'm sorry I blew up on you in there." Harry suddenly said. "I'm just stressed out and stuff."

"No, I should be the one apologizing. I pushed you to it. I should've just shut my mouth and let you do what you do." I said.

"It's cool.." He paused. "So, what did she tell you in that hour we left you to?"

"She just talked talked about her anxiety." I explained. "Ashely wanted to explain it to me."

He nodded. Another awkward silence fell upon us.

"So, do you know what happened to her wrists? They're all red and stuff." Harry asked.

I gulped as I remembered what had happened. She probably thought I was a monster. I mean, when I walked in, she screamed her head off. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Nah man, I'm sorry."

Harry gripped the steering wheel. "When I found out who did this, I'm going to murder them. Whoever did that is just a straight up asshole and deserves to be hit in the face with a metal baseball bat."

I took in a shaky breath. "Yeah... They sure do."

"Don't worry, you can help me and the guys. When we track them down, we can take turns punching him and stuff. Like we did to Hayden at the party!" A devious smile spread across his face.

"Um, speaking of the guys. Where are the others?" I wanted to change the subject quickly.

"Oh, I should've told you earlier. Mum and Gemma took the others home a couple of minutes before we came. Louis is still at the hospital though since his Mum is a nurse and is working the night shift. He usually stays down the hall whenever Ashely is here. Um, I'm guessing she's told you that this isn't her first time."

I nodded. "Yes. She did." I looked out the window and saw my house. Harry came to a smooth stop.

"It's a shame. She's going to spend her birthday in the hospital." Harry shook his head.

"Well, she'll probably be out by Saturday." I tried to keep his hopes us.

Harry nodded. "You're a great friend, Zayn. Thanks."

Guilt filled me in that instance. "Um... Yeah. Thanks for the ride." I got out. "Bye."

He waved as I shut the door then sped off into the night. It was probably 9:30 right now. I slipped inside and quietly went into the bathroom. I stripped from my clothing and stepped in the shower. This is the best place to go when you need to think.

*Ashely's POV*

Minutes after they left, I stepped on to the cold tiled floor and fixed my hospital dress. Slowly, I went to the door and tip toed to the room at the end of the hall. The light was off but I heard a mumbling. I peaked my head in.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the trouble maker herself." Louis laughed. He was watching a television show. Since his Mum was a nurse, they let him stay in the staff bedroom.

I skipped in and sat on the edge. I didn't mind if Harry left at night as much when I knew Louis was here. I mean, it still bothered me, but Lou always made me forget.

"So, how are you?" He asked as he sat up. I nodded. "I'm a bit hungry. Care to join me for dinner?" I wasn't in the mood to eat but he still grabbed my hand and we walked to the cafeteria.

He helped himself to some macaroni and some carrots. Louis grabbed a small bowl of fruit for me and we sat down.

"So." He gulped down his food. "What is this I see on your wrists?"

My knees are pulled to my chest as I stare at the bowl in front of me.

"What happened?" Louis asked. "Who did this?"

I sighed and but my lip. "It's nothing."

"It's obviously something if it's brought you back here after six months." He pointed out and leaned forward. "Common, Ash. You know you can tell me all the things you can't tell Harry."

I shook my head. "No, I don't want you to hate the person who did this."

"Ashely." He said gently. I looked up and saw his eyes pleading for an explanation. "Just tell me. You remember the last time you bottled things up?"

I was in here for an extra two weeks...

I sighed. "Zayn did it."

Louis began to choke on his carrots. His eyes wide, he drank down some water and looked at me. "What the hell do you mean 'Zayn did it'?" He spat.

I explained what had happened today. "It was wrong of me to do that while he was there. I should've just gone some other time. Oh my gosh, why am I so stupid?!" I was beating myself internally.

"Ashely, this isn't okay! He is abusing you! Is this the first time?!" Louis questioned. My eyes met his dark stare. "And don't you dare lie to me."

"He did it once before. But that's all! It doesn't even hurt anymore, Lou!" I smiled. "I'm okay!"

"You need to break up with that bloke!" Louis spat.

"LOUIS!" I gasped.

"Ashely, what happens in the future when he decides to take it further than just gripping you? Huh? What are you going to do then? You're already fragile enough. You don't need some arse like him messing with your mind!" Louis said angrily.

"Well, I'm not going to leave him!" I argued. "I love him, Lou and he loves me. He's getting help in January. We already have him signed up for anger management. So shush your mouth!" I pointed my finger at him.

"You love him?" He whispered. His face sort of softening. I nodded. "Ashely." He sighed. "Just promise that you won't let him mess with you even more."

I nodded. "Of course, Louis." I smiled slightly. He sighed and finished his food while I hadn't even touched mine. I was just thinking things over.

I hated those times where it was quiet because in those moments, My mind drifts. When it drifts, I think. When I think, I over do it. I hated over thinking. It's probably the reason why I talk a lot. Because then, I would have something to focus on besides those deep, inner thoughts that just killed me.

Why do I have to be so dramatic? Why can't I just be like other kids? Why can't I just be care free?

"Hey." Louis reached out to me. "What are you thinking about?"

"Everything." I muttered. Louis nodded and sat back. "Louis, why do I have to be so... Odd? Why can't I be as carefree as Niall or something? Why do I always have to second guess myself? Why do I have to make such a big deal out of everything? I'm only 14! I blow things out of proportion while there are others who have it way worst! Oh my goodness, I deserve to be slapped or something!" I covered my face and looked down. "Louis, why can't I be perfect like everyone else?"

"Babe, nobody is perfect. Everyone has their flaws. You need to stop hating yourself for having something you can't control. It's not like you chose to have anxiety. And there are people who think you're just over reacting but it's not like you can't. Like I said, you can't control it!" I heard him scoot his chair out but I just sat there.

"I hate myself." I whispered.

"You hate yourself?" He whispered in my ear. "Nah." He gently made me look at him. "Head up, princess. Your tiara is falling." He kissed my forehead gently.

I stood up and hugged him. "Thanks, Lou."

"Anytime." He replied. "Now, if you ever say you hate yourself again, I will freaking smack some sense back into you. Love yourself, alright darling?"

"Yes, Louis." I hugged him tighter. "You're the second best big brother ever."

"Who's the first?!" Louis chuckled then ruffled my hair before pulling away. "Eat your fruit."

"Fine." I sat back down. This time, Louis talked to me and kept my mind from drifting.

Bless him and his mischievous soul.


Whats up buttercup??

hehe lol anyways


Everyone is being so supportive I really appreciate it!

I haven't started Chemo yet, just writers block. But I think I have it allll figured out!



~Luv KittyKat<3

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...