Get Me Back

**Sequel to Hanging On (A.K.A. read Hanging On first)** It's now six months after the eight month tour begins and Katie can't help but feel her relationship with Louis falling apart. When she discovers the secret he'd been trying to hide from her, she's devastated; how could she ever trust again, especially after the one who promised to never hurt her went against his word? As Katie tries to build herself back up, a new set of arms help pick her back up, showing her something she hasn't felt for a long time. Katie finds herself in a troubling situation, especially when the truth is ultimately revealed to her. Will she try and rebuild what she once had, or will she embrace the new future presenting itself to her?

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12. Chapter Twelve

    Temporary bliss; It’s just a game for me, that’s all it is. I’m using him as a back alley, a way out. He’s the easy way out of the grief. Sleeping with him, staying with him for night upon night, letting him touch me, please me…fuck me. My head was spinning at an uncontrollable pace and I was failing to keep my vision straight. I needed out, I needed a way to find my way again. I needed help again.

    This is wrong, make up your mind, Katie. This isn’t fair to him…so why was I at his place, stuck in our heated embrace between his bed and his body, those hands I’d grown to love finding the most intimate of places, pulling back emotions I’d driven away? Why was I kissing him back with more urgency than him? Why was I letting myself cheat my way out of everything?

    “You alright, babe?” His teeth roughly scratched my throat.

    “I shouldn’t be here. It isn’t fair,” I whispered.

    Jace’s eyes met mine, a cold, cruel smirk on his lips. “Then why are you here again?”

 

    My eyes shot open as a small gasp left my lips. My hand clutched at my heart, trying to still it. It was the second week in a row I’d had a dream like this. My mind had the nasty habit of alternating between Jace, Harry and Louis; it was messing with me, truly. I was mixing up the vivid embraces in my dreams with the encounters I had in reality. I sat up, grabbing my hair and tugging it, trying to get rid of the pounding inside.

    I hadn’t spoken to Louis for over three weeks now and he hadn’t tried to contact me. I didn’t know whether to be happy or angry. I had asked him to leave me alone, to not contact me again, but wasn’t he at least going to fight? Was I worth it to him? As for Harry…I’d completely ignored him. I didn’t return his calls or texts. He’d even gone as far as trying to meet me at work, but I’d always have Erin there making an excuse for me. I knew it was killing him, leaving things the way we did, but I wasn’t sure what to say about it. They’d already left again to finish their tour and my heart couldn’t have been any heavier. My head was a mess; I was a mess.

    I walked out to the kitchen in my shorts and tank top, my feet padding lightly across the wood. I peeked around, sighing in relief when I realized Kara had already left for her job in Queens. I was thankful she worked all day and didn’t get back until around the time I was off work. I had set hours now for my job at the café; four days a week from six to eleven. I even got paid extra for performing. I took advantage, able to work my voice more often than before. I poured myself a cup of coffee, mixing in the creamer and sugar. I took my time as I often did, able to relax more, but I just went through the motions. I sipped it, not able to taste anything. I’d become like this now; numb to everyone and everything.

    My phone buzzed from it’s charger on the wall and I walked over to it, my heart jumping to my mouth when I read the name. I took a deep breath, deciding whether or not to answer. It had been so long…so long that I forgot what it was like to feel this way when I even heard his name. I pressed talk, the phone raised up to my ear.

    “Katie, is it really you?” I gasped and hung up, throwing my phone to the floor. My hands pressed to my mouth, I ran back to the room, turning back around at the door frame. What was I running from? I walked back after a minute, gingerly picking my phone back up. He hadn’t tried to call back. I watched my phone for a few minutes before hitting redial, hesitantly holding it up to my ear.

    “Katie, you’re out of bed!” I screamed and my phone fell to the floor again, the screen going black. I looked up as Kara waltzed into the kitchen, coffee and donuts in hand. “What was that about? You probably broke your phone again!” Kara whined.

    “I was just…calling someone,” I mumbled. Kara gave me a questioning look, expecting an answer.

    “Who was it, Katie?” She already knew the answer; her eyes gave it away.

    I just sighed, putting my head in my hands. “He called me first, Kara. I thought I could talk to him, I thought I could do it but…when he said my name it was like I fell in love again. I haven’t heard him in so long,” I whispered, looking up at Kara in exhaustion. “I miss Louis.”

    Kara sighed, picking my phone up and looking it over. “You need to get over him; it’s done and over with, Katie. He cheated and you can’t forgive him for that. No matter what you try and justify it with, no matter how sorry he tries to say he is, it doesn’t change the fact that for one night, he didn’t think about how what he did affected you. For one night, he was so angry at you that he wanted to hurt you in the worst place possible. He wanted to see you suffer and then he tried to find some way to justify what he had done and get you to take some of the blame. Louis was using you, Katie. He was just using you and your feelings-“

    “You don’t know that!” I yelled, taking her by surprise. “Louis feels so much regret and he hates himself for what he did!”

    “What; did he tell you this himself?” Kara demanded. “You’re doing it again; you’re trying to find excuses for him! He doesn’t deserve an excuse from you!”

    “He deserves a second chance,” I begged. “You don’t understand what this is like!”

    Kara became cold, shaking her head. “Don’t ever tell me I don’t understand what you’re going through. Don’t fucking say it. Jason cheated on me, remember that? Or were you too self absorbed to realize that I might actually be hurting too?” Her voice was loud now, shaking even. “I may not have shown it, but I was so mad; I wanted to cry and punch things and just scream at the top of my lungs but I didn’t. I picked myself up and moved on. It hurts so bad to just pick up and leave from something that good, from someone I loved with everything inside of me. I wanted to lie in my bed for days at a time, crying my eyes out, making people take care of me and feel sorry for me. I didn’t though; I cried for a day and then got my shit back together because feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t do shit in your favor. It tears you apart and it destroys you, Katie. I thought maybe you could use the time I never gave myself, but it’s ruined you! Look at you; when was the last time you actually felt something? When was the last time you actually took a look in the mirror and recognized yourself?” Kara walked up to me, grabbing my face. “Get your shit together and get the fuck out of here for once in your damn life. I’m done taking care of you and feeling sorry for you; unless you start taking care of yourself and paying attention to people who actually care about you, you can get out of my apartment.” Kara turned around and marched into the room, slamming the door behind her.

    I couldn’t move from sheer shock, the reality finally hitting me; what was I doing with myself? Kara was right; I was destroying myself. I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to figure out what to do. I grabbed my phone, thankful it had turned back on and grabbed the phone book. I searched the pages until I found what I needed. I dialed the number, only waiting a couple seconds.

    “Hello? My name is Katie Willows and I’m interested in finding an apartment near downtown Manhattan. Do you think you could show me around?”

 

    After being on the phone for about an hour with the woman, I hung up satisfied, setting up a meeting for three that afternoon. I walked back to the room cautiously, opening the door a crack. “Kara, may I come in?” Nothing. I walked in, finding her asleep on the bed. I sighed, pulling the blanket over her gently. I drew a hand across her head gently, a small smile on my lips. “Thank you,” I whispered.

    I grabbed my suitcases, packing them and changing into a pair of shorts and a green shirt. I tucked my phone into my pocket and wrote out a note for Kara explaining everything. I took one last look around at my one-month home before walking down the stairs and hailing a cab. I double checked the address on my hand before reading it off to the driver. He threw my bags into the trunk, grunting with effort.

    “Where are you going, miss?” He asked as we started driving.

    “To get my shit together,” I answered with certainty.

    We pulled up to the first complex, my agent waiting for me with a smile. I thanked the driver before he drove off, tipping him generously for being a gentlemen. “Ms. Willows, my name is Sara, we spoke on the phone,” Sara smiled, offering her hand.

    “It’s nice to meet you, Sara. What have we got here?” I asked, accepting her hand before we walked up to the building, my suitcases dragging behind me.

    “This is a place that just recently opened up; it’s rather nice and it already finished, as per your request,” Sara added as we rode the elevator up to the 22nd floor. “The price is a little more than expected, but I’m sure you’ll manage to work something out with the owner if you’re just renting.”

    “Of course, it’s no problem.” It really wasn’t; I had about five thousand saved up from my recording label cut and my job/singing on the side at the café. “I have a steady income of money, so I’ll meet the monthly requirements.”

    “Excellent; here we are! Almost the top floor,” Sara chuckled. We stepped out of the elevator into a quaint hallway, a white door in front of us. We walked forward as Sara unlocked it, my eyes widening as we stepped inside.

    The floors were a dark stained oak, soft to the shoe. The walls were a soft off-white color, the archways trimmed with the same wood as the floor. We walked straight from the small entryway hall into the small living room where a white sofa stood in front of a wall mounted TV, a coffee table on the black center rug. A small side table to the left of the couch had a table lamp seated comfortably on top. Behind the living room was a small round oak table with two matching chairs. We walked further through the living room where we met two open doorways. One led into the modern looking kitchen, while the other led to a small office room. To our left down a narrow hall was the large bedroom. A large king sized bed with white covers was pressed to the far wall; a vanity, dresser and armoire present as well, all matching the floors. A large bathroom connected to the room and it reminded me of my hotel in Paris from so long ago. I was informed of another bathroom leading off from the office room, but I was too mesmerized by the beauty of the whole place I almost didn’t catch it.

    “Exactly how much are they asking for this lovely place?” I breathed, running my hand along the marble counters of the kitchen.

    “$650 per month.” I sucked in a breath; it was about $90 more than had been discussed previously, but I was willing to pay for it.

    I signed the papers and walked Sara out as she handed me the key. It was a fast change, but I liked it. I was ready to get my shit together. I felt my phone buzzing again, expecting a worried call from Kara asking what was happening and why my things and I were gone.

    Sighing with a small smile, I put the phone up to my ear. “Kara, it’s okay I’m fine; I actually just rented my own new apartment in downtown Manhattan for only $650 a month; what kind of an amazing steal is that?!” I exclaimed. “But I’ll be able to visit and everything as often as you want me to. Look, what you said earlier about getting off my ass and getting my shit together made me realize how much of my life I was about to throw away because of Louis. I was going to call him back for God’s sake! You made me realize that I really did need to get my shit together and stop being so self absorbed for once. I’m taking responsibility for myself and I’m going to make something of this. What I’m trying to say is thank you for getting pissed off at me,” I finished with a huff. “You have no idea how good it feels to get that off of my chest.”

    “You were going to call back?” My heart dropped, my arms started shaking. “Katie, are you there?” I didn’t say anything, the shock still hitting me. “Katie?” He was concerned now.

    “Louis?” I whispered into the phone. “Is that you?”

    There was a pause and I heard a small sigh of relief on the other line. “Yeah, it’s me.”

    “Oh,” I answered with a small nod. “Um, how are you?”

    “I’m alright. I assume from what you just ranted to Kara, you’re doing really well too now.” His voice almost sounded dead; it was flat, emotionless.

    “Oh yeah…she kind of kicked my ass this morning and I decided to, you know,” I trailed off.

    “Get your shit together,” Louis finished with a small laugh. “Yeah, same here.”

    My heart fell a little. “Oh…so you’re moving on then?”

    He didn’t answer, making me worried. “Katie I could never move on from you.”

    I felt tears poking at my eyes. “Louis…please don’t do this,” I whispered. “Please, don’t make this hard on me and put me in this position.”

    “Katie, please just listen to me; I’ve been an absolute mess since we ended things. I can’t think straight and I haven’t been able to eat or sleep or function properly. The lads are worried even if they haven’t said it and I know they’re worried about you too, especially Harry,” Louis added, a small edge to his voice at his last words.

    “Maybe we can talk another time okay? I have another call coming in,” I mumbled, not bothering to see who it was. “Um…I’ll call you some time I guess. Bye,” I ended flatly, guilty at cutting him off so abruptly. “Hello?” I answered wearily.

    “Katie, dammit you’ve been scaring the hell out of me for the past few weeks!” Harry’s voice was strained and hushed. “Why haven’t you been answering me?”

    “Harry you know damn well why!” I yelled, not in the mood for more drama. “I can’t do this to you, or myself. I’m in a bad place and I need to sort everything out, okay?”

    “Katie, I want to see you,” Harry whispered. I could hear the want, the need in his voice. “Katie, I want to make sure you’re okay in person.”

    “You’re somewhere across the world, Harry; you can’t see me in person.” A knock sounded at my door and I groaned, walking over to it. “I have to go, someone’s knocking at the door, okay? I’ll call you later.” I hung up, opening the door.

    “As long as we can talk face to face right now,” Harry said, a smile spreading over his face as he stood in my door.

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