Silence.


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1. Silence Is a Killer

 

Hi?  Um,hello is all I can say and I welcome you to listen to my story. I warn you it is not all fluffy clouds and rainbows...

I want to share this story with you, my lovely reader because I want to open your eyes to my side of the story, not anyone else's. They have no idea of what I have been through to even try to keep my head up in this ever changing world even when it seems there is no hope.

My name is one that was passed people's mouths around like money at the time I was being bullied. There was this girl who had it in for me since I was ten years old. She was called Katie, Katie Coyle. She made my life hell and I'm so surprised that that i never went through with my plan of running away, it was always there at the back of my mind...

Oh yeah, by the way my name is Becky Denton and this is what happened when my life worked around bullies.

People are always going to stare at you when you walk in to high school, its just what is expected. In high school the people around you will make you feel like you're constantly alone, feel like you're going to fail at every single thing you do and that you want to sleep and never wake up. What I realized the hard way was that because I felt like that I was letting other people decide how I live my life, where I went, who I hung around with and what I dressed like. I let them get to me by what they said and the glares they gave me but really, I knew it was wrong!

One day I decided to try out for my school's netball team because I had always loved the sport of it, I went in tried out and made the team! Good? No, as soon as Katie found out that I was on the team she made it her obvious mission to make it hell on earth for me. She would whisper about me right in front of me, stare at me while I played and look at me with pure enjoyment whenever I did something wrong. She managed (and I have no idea how) to turn the team against me, for them to never pass to me, to "accidentally" trip me over. I would cry on the way home then smile once I walked through my door.

In the end I quit and had to explain why to my mum.

"You can never keep a club down Becky! Why don't you act like other girls?! Why can't you just stay in a commitment? Anyway why are you quitting?" 

My mother would say on a regular basis after i quit. My reply would never be:

"Sorry mum, I'm being bullied into leaving everything I love doing and I'm sorry I just would rather avoid the hassle and let them win"

I would normally reply with:

"I just don't want to go anymore, I just can't be bothered and its boring anyway"

I kept everything a secret from everyone because it was just easier that way. I wish my mother could see I was saving her from the worry? I guess not, I thought I was doing everyone a favor by struggling through it on my own...

Or even other times after having a good night out with my friends the 'Popular Group' would be on the same bus home as me, I would stick my headphones in and just ignore them until they start talking about me that is...

They would say things like:

"urgh, omag look at her, what a FREAK!"

" Thats my number, wait. What is BECKY DENTON has MY number?Eww what is she going to do? Stalk me?"

" Look at that hat, look at her, why is she such a freak?" 

I would run off the bus and burst into tears and just think about leaving this town, what my life would be like if they were never born. What i would look like if I was prettier, what would my life be like if they didn't have it in for me? I learned that silence was my only safety  anyone who heard what was going on would freak out our just laugh... Why was life so hard for me?

Silence ruined my life, If only I had just spoken out about what was happening, maybe I wouldn't have been so alone...I'm sure people would understand! Katie's words will forever stick with me:
 

"You are worthless, you deserve everything bad that will ever happen to you and I can do anything I want to do to you. You know why? Because nobody will believe you. Ever."

What should I do? Do I let the silence take over, maybe its time to give in forever... Maybe I should let the silence wash over me. I mean people won't believe me anyway...Silence is the thing that will end my life, what if that is the best way to go...

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