Oh boy.

Aimed to all Harry girls especially:)
Helen is working for BBC Radio 1. Everything is going according to plan, when Grimmy - her co-host in Breakfast show announces that One Direction is going to be in the studio for an interview.

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17. Your eyes they tie me down so hard.

It has been 3 days since I´ve seen Harry last time. I decided not to call him or text him. But one part of me was strongly fighting not to dial his number. I was so determined not to breakdown that I totally forgot text Ellie back. Actually I have no idea what to reply:

Hon, since you´re not picking my calls or texting me back this is the only chance to prove me you are alive. Tonight at Monmouth Coffee. 6 pm. Be there!xx

                                                                                                                    Ellie.

I am sorry I am keeping this  away from my best friend but the moment I would tell her everything would mean that it is real. No more denying. I didn’t text her back. Again. I am chicken. I buried my face to my pillow and tried to fall asleep.

When I woke up I looked at my phone just to make sure I have overslept 6 o´clock. Shit. It´s just 5.23 p.m. I sighted and slowly stood up. While walking barefoot to kitchen I noticed my living room window. It was pouring out here! Freaking weather… I poured a cold green tee to white cup and sipped a little. Then I noticed the fruit which Harry brought the other day was still there. I got dizzy from the lack of water I assumed, so I took a sip again.  I have never felt this way. So powerless and so numb. This loneliness is killing me! The morning show is not broadcasted due to holiday so no human contact for days! My brain suddenly visualized a picture of old me surrounded by 5 cats. Eww. I shook my head and went to take a quick shower. I can make it if I hurry up! I put on some make up and took first clean jeans I saw in wardrobe. I actually don’t care if I am dressed properly. Suddenly it wasn´t important for anymore. Ellie still hasn’t brought my car back since that party so I was forced to take a cab. I looked briefly at my watch. Well, it looks like I´ll be there in time after all.

When I walked in, I realized Ellie wasn’t there alone as I assumed. Emily and Niall were sitting next to each other. Em took carefully a sip of coffee. Niall was smiling at her the whole time. I assume he mouthed her she should have been careful since it´s boiling. Ellie noticed my empty look at the new happy couple and waved at me. I walked to their table and started to strip my wet coat. “You came!” Ellie shouted and squeezed my left hand. I didn’t reply. My eyes fell on Zayn. He was smiling politely but I could tell he knew about everything. A part from the rest of group. “I am sorry, I wasn´t reachable lately but… I got cold and I didn’t want anyone to catch it too so I held back for few days.” I explained the whole situation by lying. Again. “You are here now, that´s all that matters!” Ellie replied happily. I smiled back and noticed Zayn´s hand resting on Ellie´s tight. So I guess I missed a lot. I took a deep breath and sat myself. It was an awkward silence since I came in. I suddenly felt a duty to break that silence. “The weather went crazy!” I spoke up but no one replied. Em raised her eyebrows and giggled. Niall was the only one who tried to save me from embarrassing myself even more. “Yeah, I can´t stand it! I must change my socks every time I go outside.” He is so sweet. Zayn added: “Mate, I think you need a new pair of shoes.” Everyone chuckled except me. Ellie poked me with her thin forefinger. “Darling, what´s wrong?” She asked me worriedly but I wasn’t able to make a sound for a while. After moment I stood up and interjected: “I am going to order a tea, want you guys something?” Ellie just shook her head and bit her bottom lip. I noticed that awkward silence when I left the table. At least I don’t have to deal with acting like everything´s ok when it´s not. I leaned against the counter and waited for Seth to serve me. I know him since I was new in BBC. I go here every morning since then. “What can I get you Helen?” He spoke up to me when the lady standing in front of me got her latte. “Green tea.” I said and smiled politely. He shook his head and added “That tea will kill you one day…” I laughed. “No one in the whole world wasn’t killed by green tea, Seth.” After that I heard a bell, which rings every time someone opens the door. I didn’t turn to see who had came, I was patiently watching Seth making my tea. But then I heard a familiar groan. I looked there and saw Harry standing there soaking wet. He flicked his curls as he tends to when he noticed my gaze. I was looking directly at him, my eyes meeting his and nothing. He didn’t say a word. No hi. NOTHING! “THE TEA HELEN!” Seth shouted handing the cup. I quickly took it and went to sit down at the table. Harry just stood there, next to the door. After moment of hesitation he walked to the table like nothing happened. “The weather went crazy, huh?” Zayn said and Ellie bursted in laugh. “Harry, the water is flowing out of your hair.” Em added. “You know Em, someone spent the whole tank of petrol in my car so I must walk.” “I am sorry Harry, but that´s just Zayn´s fault.” Ellie added and Zayn looked at her with open mouth: “WHAAT? You were the one who didn’t want to go back to that party either!” I didn’t pay attention to their conversation. Actually I didn’t pay any attention. My eyes were glued to the cup of tea in front of me. I wasn’t able to look at Harry. No way. Not after everything what happened. “Anyway… sorry pal…” Zayn apologized and wrapped his arm around Ellie´s shoulders. Harry smiled at them. “That´s ok. I shouldn’t have let you drive my car. That whole night was an absolute mistake after all.” When he finished that sentence, my eyes grew big, my hands turned into fists. I couldn’t take it anymore! I stood up and spilled the Ellie´s coffee. “I-I-I am sorry, I need to go…” My voice began to crack so I quickly grabbed my coat prepared to run away. I was trying so hard to blink my tears back but I couldn’t. When I was finally outside, standing there I realized I left my umbrella in that cab. Fuck this shit! I looked down, trying to avoid the drops when I realized the other thing. I am not sure what was it exactly, but I was actually glad it hit me.

I confidently walked in again.  I noticed all gazes. Harry stood still there as I left as I spoke up: “The whole time since I´ve met you is mistake. But sometimes is good to make one, Harry. And sometimes is good to keep making the same mistake over and over again until it becomes the only reasonable thing in your life.” As I finished I noticed Harry´s eyes. They were full of tenderness. Apparently no one got my speech as Harry did. They just sat there observing the two us looking at each other with no words. 

 

This is my favourite chapter actually, let me know what you think please:)

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