Oh boy.

Aimed to all Harry girls especially:)
Helen is working for BBC Radio 1. Everything is going according to plan, when Grimmy - her co-host in Breakfast show announces that One Direction is going to be in the studio for an interview.

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16. This feels like I've fallen in love

I just stood in there for straight 10 minutes when the front door opened. I heard it since my bedroom door weren´t closed. I was biting my nails, trying to remember some words. I was totally erased. Suddenly I realized this was the most awkward situation of all time. “Good morning!” Harry walked into bedroom with basket full of fruit. “I see you read my note…” He looked at my hand. It was barely seen since I tried to wash it with my dry thumb. “I-I-I am…” I stammered. Harry smiled at me and went to kitchen. I watched him leaning against the door frame, meanwhile he pulled out all the fruits on the counter. “What happened last night?” I finally spoke up and put on some sweatshirt lying on the edge of the bed. Then I realized it wasn’t mine sweatshirt. I smelled like Harry. I quickly put it back. My eyes fell on my old hoodie. I grabbed it and put on my shoulders since that shirt I was wearing didn’t cover much. I took small steps to kitchen and stood myself right next to Harry. Harry shook his head and laughed. “What do you remember from last night exactly?” He smiled at me like he tends to. This is the kind of smile I am trying to avoid, because that´s one of the reasons I want to fall on my knees and start to cry. “I remember Finchy and then Zayn and Ellie slightly… the rest of is blur to me.” I said and waited for Harry to clear things up. “Why are you here? And where´s my car?” Harry raised his eyebrows. “So if I got it right, you can´t recall anything since the party started?” I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. “I am sorry, but no.” Then Harry started. “You and I argued a little. Well, you started… and then you clearly got massively drunk. I had no idea where you were the rest of the night when I saw you outside the club with some moron. He… he kissed you. I though you wanted him to kiss you so I didn’t intervene but you started screaming and trying to push him away. That prick was stronger then you, but not stronger then me. He got scared and run away. Zayn, Ellie and I got you to my car. Ellie said she would come for car later, since she was drinking and couldn’t drive so… “I was confused. “Too many information?” Harry asked worriedly. He must notice me standing there like a stone. I was speechless. I literally don’t remember anything he had just said.

“That didn’t explain you here now…” I asked him and sighted. He giggled. “Someone had to take you upstairs…” Harry added and I laughed. “Even though I can´t remember majority of time last night but I am sure I wasn’t wearing this shirt yesterday…” “You woke up for a while, you kept talking about a shower but I wasn’t sure you would like it in the morning, so I didn’t take you to bathroom. I change your shirt instead. Then you fell asleep again.” Ok. Suddenly I was glad he had just changed my T- shirt. “Thank you Harry…” I sighted and continued “…for taking care of me, for saving me, for being here last night.” He smiled at me and showed his dimples. He looked so happy. “Anytime.” He responded and peeled banana. I was just watching him with my eyes narrowed. He looked so adorable. Then he gave that banana. “Here… Take it, it´s almost a noon and you didn’t eat since yesterday…”

 I suddenly felt like a child. Holding that banana I realized something. “You said we argued…” I spoke up and chew the first bite. He didn’t reply. He was looking at me with his hands folded by his chest. “Harry? What we argued about?” He bit his bottom lip and looked away. Then he spoke up. “I was there with this girl and then you came…” “Oh…” I cut him off. So he was there with someone. Oh again. I didn’t expect that. “There is nothing between me and her Helen…””Harry, hey Harry…” I cut him off again. I took a deep breath and enclosed my palm on his shoulder. “I don’t blame you, you can do anything you want, with anyone you want, it´s not like I am angry you are seeing somebody. It´s ok really. It was obvious we wouldn’t end up together. Things are more complicated then and I don’t want worse things more. It´s just not for us.” Harry suddenly froze. His look was empty. “You still don’t get it…” He spoke up and shook his head. “What?”I asked him, trying to find something alive in his eyes. “That I am stupid. That I was stupid the whole time when I was desperately trying to prove you something. I know you. I know you feel it. You just can´t admit it. I don’t know why but I am suddenly sick of trying…” He was looking directly at me. He must have seen the tear slowly tracing my cheek. I know what this is about. Every piece of me shivers when I am with him. My hands are shaking, my knees are weak ready to break right in front of him every time he says my name. Guess I am not strong enough to say it out loud. Harry looked at me the one more time, waiting for me to respond. He must have seen in my eyes what I wanted to tell him but he gave up the very first second I wanted to deny every world I have said before. But it was too late. He walked away to my bedroom and took the sweatshirt I was holding before. I went to hallway and watched him standing there totally speechless. I just couldn’t . “Will you forgive me?” I asked him and wiped the tear off. He was silent. His empty eyes were meeting mine. I suddenly didn’t recognize him. “Harry…” I added when he turned away from me and shut the door.

I don’t know what to do. I lost him. I fucking lost the one who found me. 

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