Oh boy.

Aimed to all Harry girls especially:)
Helen is working for BBC Radio 1. Everything is going according to plan, when Grimmy - her co-host in Breakfast show announces that One Direction is going to be in the studio for an interview.


10. Falling from high places, falling through lost spaces

I am not sure where everyone spent the rest of the night, but Harry, Zayn, Ellie and Louis were comfortably lying on the sofa and I was enjoying the warm thick carpet. We all were totally sleepy but we made it not to fall asleep. Although I admit I don’t remember some parts of that night, so I assume I must have fall asleep after all. We were just lying there, and laughing at Zayn. He was sleeping and every time we told him to go to bed he told it´s ok. He was tired obviously, but maybe Ellie was the reason keeping him awake. Harry was right above me so I could hear him breathing and squirming on a sofa. I blame myself for being so obsessed with him like this. A week ago, I would find it hilarious that I could actually enjoy the weekend with boys from 1D. And here we go. I sometimes stood up to change the song. Coldplay old albums were added to playlist so I went to choose my favourite tracks. I checked him few times. He was smiling at me every time I had changed the song. Suddenly someone´s phone beeped. Louis moaned tiredly “Tell her you´re busy…” I had no idea what was going on. Harry looked briefly on the display and then gave phone back at the coffee table.

So it was Harry´s phone…Ellie started asking. “Who was that?” I stayed silent. This was the moment I wished for being invisible. I was too afraid of his answer so I stood up and went to kitchen. Without a look at him I walked away. Harry turned his head to kitchen where I was already looking for some juice. I still hadn’t looked at him. Then I heard Harry and Louis whispering something. Harry sounded angry and accusingly while Louis was teasing him. I didn’t recognize what they were talking about. I didn’t even want it to. For my drunk brain it was already enough. “Don’t worry.” Suddenly someone spoke up to me. I turned around and saw Zayn standing right next to the fridge with his hands folded. I looked at him and enclosed the glass to my mouth. “What?” I asked silly. “They are just friends.” He added and I could tell he was talking to me as we were friends since kinder garden. Zayn´s eyes are full of pure honesty and it makes me feel safe. Like he would tell me the truth under any circumstances. I suddenly felt secure when he pronounced that four words. I was just looking at him, no words coming out of my mouth even though there were millions in my head. He spoke up again.  “You can get back to us now.” He smiled at me and waved his hand to join them. I smiled back. When I came to sofa, prepared to lie down on that extremely comfortable carpet, Harry and Zayn made place for me right between them. I sat there awkwardly. Trying to figure out how I could get a time machine so I could erase this moment from the history forever. “Helen, can we please… can you help me with a… could you come with me to… a…” He stammered when he stood up from sofa. Ellie was talking to Zayn about something and Louis was standing next to pc, clearly trying to find his song, so no one was paying us any attention.

Harry went outside so I followed him. I didn’t take a coat or anything, I just walked into that chilly night, trying to think clearly. Harry waited for me to close the door. “You´re mad at me.” He spoke up as first. “No I am not mad at you.” I replied and put my cold hands to hoodie pockets. “Why would I be?” I added and looked directly in his eyes. They were so green in that moment. He licked his bottom lip and started. “Because of some girl who texted me 10 minutes ago.” “No, Harry I am not mad. We are frie…” He cut me off. “Don’t say that word Helen. Please just don’t.” He looked pissed and took a few steps backward. “Ok. What are we then?” “Nicky and I we are just friends. And you are…” Nicky must be that texty girl then.“Tell me please, who am I to you? Harry I am your friend. And you are mine. There is nothing more. Maybe even less. I am not even sure if we are friends. We didn’t spend any time together talking about our hopes and dreams and favourite colours. Well, Harry that is a little confusing, isn’t it?”I hate myself being ironic. I am maybe pissed off because of my stupid personality. Harry has nothing to do with this fight. It´s just my silly defense against my feelings.  “Stop it. I don’t want to argue.” His warm breath suddenly turned into a fume. “But I want to Harry! Oh Jesus Christ stop pretend you´re the most understanding person in the whole world.” God I didn’t bring that up, did I? I needed to stop, because, yeah he is that person. “You´ve said you aren’t mad, remember?” He asked me and his eyes got filled with kindness. I could see he didn’t want to fight with me.

I was quiet. I just made a few steps around the porch, trying to calm myself down and just find the words. I finally stopped walking around. I took few steps forward and took his hand. And he let me. Surprisingly. I played with his fingers for a while. Harry was just observing my unexpected behaviour. He just stood there and I just leaned my head against his warm chest. I closed my eyes and pushed the tears back. Harry hugged me and caressed my hair. “Helen…” I cut him off. “I hate this.” Harry replied: “What exactly?” “I hate how I like this.” I added and Harry pulled me even closer.

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