Louis Tomlinson Can't Love Me...

Claire was a normal teenage girl. Fussed over acne. Fussed over clothes. Fussed over boybands. But when her father passes, she becomes bitter. Hateful. Like she is mad at the world. Her mother buys her tickets to a One Direction concert in a desperate attempt to bring her back. WIll meeting the boy of her dreams fix her?


6. The Hurt Before The Calm

I stared at the almost-gone-now light, light pink stain on my carpet. It was the only memory I had of him, or at least of our personal memories. My foot had long since healed, and I never bothered to get the chain I had threw out the window; I would never find it now.

But I almost wanted to forget. Almost wanted it totally, completley gone from my life. Go back to loving him as an idol, not a boyfriend. Almost.

I haven't had contact with Louis for about a month now. Never since I had ran out of the house. I didn't dare to; even though the number was on the screen when he texted me, he had probably ditched that number a long time ago.

I wondered if I should of treated him differently, should of jumped at the chance of him liking, even loving me. But Drew's face, beautiful face, popped into my mind. I really liked him. His lean, tall figure was almost like mine, I was only shorter. But the similaritied stopped there. I had brown hair and eyes, he had blonde and blue.

Bloop. I got a message on my computer. I lifted my arm from my eyes, sat up on my bed, and slipped into my computer chair, Hannah wante to video-chat. Of all the people, Hannah was the only one who belived me about Louis. She was the only one I told, of course, but still.

"I saw how he looked at you, Claire, at the concert. That wasn't just him trying to please you, a lucky fan, it was different. I just know." She had said.

I clicked Accept on the alert box and settled in as Hannah's face popped onto the screen. She seemed to be living Spring Break like me: Sleeping all the time. I could tell by how tangled her blong waves were, her tired eyes.

"Wassup, dude?" She grinned, then it evaporated into a yawn.

"Sucky." I moaned, waving my phone, with Louis's texts on screen, and her face changed to sympathy-Hannah.

"Dude, think about Dreeewww." She sing-songed his name. "Yup, he must be the only thing keeping you alive now."

Despite the fact she was teasing, it was true. "He is." I insisted. "I can't wait till Monday, when the Spring Fling is."

She perked up, and the subject changed from me to-

"Graduation! In three weeks, we will no longer be school nerds." She was dancing around in her room.

I laughed. "Yup, we'll be college nerds."

Now that I had changed the subject to college, we talked about which ones we were accepted to, which ones we were going to.

"Hannie! Your friend Lisa's here!" A voice offscreen called, about 20 mienutes into our chat.

Hannah looked dissapointed. "Sorry, Claire. We're going to the movies."

I chuckled. "As long as you hang up before she sees me. She hates my guts, and I can't say anything better about me with her."

Then I gasped as Lisa, a tall girl with whispy blond hair appeared at Hannah's doorway behind he. "What?" I could barely make out her soft gravelly voice. 

Hannah faced her, blocking the camera.

"Nuh-thing, I was just-" Then she hung up.

I cracked up, more then I had laughed in ages. Ever since, hmm...ever since...

Louis left.

And then I just stopped laughing.


The next day I woke up early, wanting to get out of the house.

I checked my caledner. Tuesday. Only 6 more days till I see Drew.

It was warm outside, warmer then the average on an late-April would usually be. I dressed in a pair of black shorts and a deep purple silk tunic tank. I slipped on the purple ballet flats, then changed into gym shoes, 1 part because I was planning on walking outside, 2 parts because they were the shoes I wore the day Louis left.

I left a note for my mother because I was expecting to arrive back home after my mother came back home from work, then slipped out the door.

It was beautiful outside. The same kind of weather it was on the day of my father's funeral. The thought gave me an idea.

I walked to an open floral shop, then purchased a bouquet of Pink And White Lady's Slippers, my father's favorite flower. He had said it reminded him of when I took ballet, and "danced like petals in the wind". The thought made me tear up.

"You okay, Miss?" The gruff man behing the counter asked as he was handing me change. The thought of him in the pretty floral store surrounded by flowers made me smile, a sweet rendition to m sour tears.

"I'm okay." I said. "I just...lost someone. I don't know where he is." I guess I had lost two people.

The man smiled. "Hope you find them and have a nice day."

I took my bouquet and walked of the shop. The breeze blew in my hair and the flowers, splashing me with the light scent of the flowers.

Walking down the street in my shorts and tank, I felt like I was flying a few feet above ground. The thought was nice. But when I rounded the block to the cemetary, my feet fell heavy again.

A few people were in the cemetary, some crying, some placing flowers. The trees shaded the place from the sun, giving the place a chill and feeling of death.

I passed some gravestones, some with simply a name and two dates, some with an R.I.P., some with a name, who the person was, missing the date.

But when I reached the one with a heart-like shape, I knelt on the grass and faced it.

Nathen Hollister had been creamated, but in his will he had asked for a gravestone. I read it, tears prickly behind my eyes:

Nathen Hollister.

A father,a friend, 

A hope and a hand.

Loved till the end

An incredible man

Though death do us part

Though it's the end for now,

I want you to know, you'll be in my heart.

I hadnt known who had written it, but it didn't matter. I was crying silently. Placing the flowers in front of the stone, I started talking.

"Hi Daddy. I know you know what's going on with me, but I'll tell you anyway. I'm good. Uh, so is mom. She bought me tickets to this concert, you know how much I love One Direction."

The tears were steadier now.

"And I took Hannah. You remember her, she's loud and funny. We had a good time...we met the guys. It was fun. But then, a couple weeks later, Louis Tomlinson came to my house!"

Faster and faster. My face was almost completley wet.

"And I was so suprised, I dropped a glass of water and I hurt my foot 'cause I stepped in it. Amd he helped me..he was so gentle. Then the next day, he made me breakfast and...he told me he liked me. He got mad when I didn't know what to say."

I was gasping and wiping my face, uselessly, because the tears came immeaditly after.

"Then I left, and when I came home, he was gone. He told me liked me, but then he left."

I took the flowers and arranged them so they were spread all over in front of the stone.

"You know what, Daddy? When I said I had lost someone, I meant Louis, not you. I know where you are. But Louis is gone, and I'll never find him."

"But he made me sad, and I promise to stay away from people like that now. I'll be stronger, and forget him."

I felt a light hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and turned around.

There was Louis. He lifted his hand, a pained expression on his face. "Claire, I-"

"No, no." I snap, wiping the tears from my face, which had gratefully stopped. "I don't want to ever see you again...and I don't need you to say anything else."

Then I run. I run away, and I want to cry, but I feel too strong to.

I learn later he was never really there. He was just my imagination. My mind saying goodbye. Goodbye to the boy who hurt me. The one who came into my life. The one who caused the hurt before the calm.

The one who I swear I will never see again.


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