Confusion


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1. Chapter 1


It all started last summer. I knew that finally I was leaving town to go back to my hometown. In that moment that YOLO thing ( you remember obviously) well I took that seriously. All these ideas went in my head. I thought that if I wasn't living here anymore, never coming back so do whatever you want. And that was it. I started doing things I would never do in my life. Things that now, I regret. But well those are life experiences. I am going to tell you that story, about many stories that happened, that summer and after. In resume, the story of my life.
Everything starts with this person that is, well, was very important to me. That friend, confident, that you think will never let you down, that he will always be there for you, but what you don't expect at all; he disappears from your life. Yes, people change, but supposedly to change for good, but sometimes good is not good. Get it? I am not saying that your friends will do the same to you, I'm just saying that in my case, it turned out this way. When they asked me who that person was. The one I trusted the most, who was the one you loved the most, the one you cared about. The first person that came to my mind: Peter.
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A lot of stuff happened with Peter. Just 5 years of being best friends. I had my first kiss, my first date, my first make out... my first time. With Peter. It was all firsts and things were only getting better. Every time we saw each other, we always wanted more of each other, more laugh, more smile, more jokes, more of us. I have to admit it, he was not my boyfriend, we were kind of friends with benefits. Every time I saw him, I felt butterflies in my stomach, wondering what will happen today, new experiences. I never got bored with him, every time he got closer to me to say 'hi', just to catch his brown silky hair, soft with volume; those big brown eyes, the fact that he was taller than me, made me go crazy. Those abs, his biceps, his attitude, his perfume... Everything seemed perfect. When he kissed me on the cheek, when he hugged me.. When we kissed. Everything felt unreal, he made me feel us, like a dream. But the good part here is that it wasn't a dream.

What I loved about him, is that when we talked, he looked me straight in the eyes, like if he had nothing to hide from me. We knew each other as well as we knew ourselves. Sometimes it felt like we knew each other better than ourselves, if that's even possible. And that was the best part of our relationship. I remember every little thing I lived with him; our first kiss.

It wasn't because we wanted to, we were dared to. We were playing spin the bottle. I remember it like it was yesterday. He crawled to me slowly, sat right in front of me. Our legs were touching lightly. Then we started to lean in closer and closer, slowly, as if we had the hole time in the world. Finally our noses touched. He looked me passionately in the eyes, did not hesitate and our lips touched. He kissed me. When I felt his soft lips on mine, I wanted to stay like this forever. I never wanted it to stop. At first his upper lip touched my upper lip, but feeling a bit more confident, I put my lower lip to his upper lip. I can't say how long we kissed, but I do know it felt magical. He smiled and went to sit back at his place and kept starring at me. I loved it. That night, he texted me when it was very late and said he was happy to do that dare. I felt the same. Obviously, I went to sleep with a smile on my face that night. Weeks had passed and we still got along great. The thing I loved about him is that he texted me everyday, asked how I was doing, said he missed me and made me feel wanted and special. And then one day or should I say the day, it happened, and oh boy, that was our first make out session.....
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