Speechless

This is a story for the speechless competition.

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1. Speechless.

I sat on the pavement. My books, and the other contents of my bag were strewn across the concrete. A mish-mash of papers and words were flying, floating in the wind. Away from where I could say them. Not that I'd be able to anyway. These words were cries for help, cries that would never be heard. 

 

I was bound by a curse.

It sure felt like one anyway. Because the last time I tried to speak up, It landed my mother in hospital.Dead. You don't know what you had until It's gone. Saying no words seems to do more harm than good. But trying to explain is just wasting breath. If I tried to talk, no-one would listen to me. It was like I was never there, to be forever known as the 'girl who couldn't talk.' I pretend I don't hear their whisperers and giggles, but I do. I'm not deaf. I want help, I need it. I reach out, and no-one is there.

 

Like words flying away in the wind, a collaboration of newspaper articles, some hope to cling to...

It's hard to speak up, when they push you down. 

It's hard to speak up when your life is a mess, people are hurt and it's all your fault.

It's hard when your father won't look you in the eyes because you remind him too much of his deceased wife.

He pretends he doesn't hear my cry's of pain when my abusive step mother lands another blow.

But pretending is all we can do.

Because with pretending at least you can fool everyone. Everyone but yourself.

I want to kill myself.

 

But I can't. 

 

Because if I did my family's web of lies would crumble.

Add another thing I would have ruined.

I can't convey these cry's of help.

I would destroy everything. Again.

It's hard being not heard, your voice slipping out of your grasp.

 

 

Secrets that you have to keep.

Because you can't say anything else.

 

 

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