Finally Me in Him

Chance never affects how life goes for someone. What decides it, is actions. Actions of one single human being either affect one or all. I know this because, my father's actions towards me, changed my life course dramatically. The most important thing I learn out of my experience was that I realized just how much an action can change a single person's life. We tend to make less of it but it really is what it is all up to. It began with a touch. And in nearly six years, it would create fear, disbelief, anxiety, brokenness, bitterness, pain, manipulation, betrayal, and scars. I never imagined that the stories told on television or in books would someday be me. Or that I would be the one discovering what love really means.

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2. Jesus in Disguise

"You are redeemed too, Louis," Her voice proclaimed softly.

"H-how do you know?" I felt come out of my mouth. 

"Because, this redeemed the whole world," She said, holding out her necklace. 

My head bent down. She knelt down in front of me, enough for me to see that the necklace was a cross. Her hands gripped my shoulders.

"Thank you Jesus for dying on that cross, over 2,000 years ago, to cover my sin, his sin, and everyone else's sin! Thank You for redeeming us as Your children! You know what's aching in Louis' heart, even if he himself doesn't know what it is at this single moment! Your love is unending and grace redeeming. I pray that You help him through his struggle now, whatever it may be. I pray that Your healing and Holy Spirit run through my hands now as I lay them on him. I pray that You will help Louis make his decision of surrendering to Your will. I pray that You teach him that things will hurt but everything done is for Your glory. In Your glorious and beautiful name Jesus, Amen," She prayed. 

I shivered. It was beautiful. She knew how I felt, without me even explaining a thing. I looked up at her and she was smiling. She took my hand and helped me up. I finally got to see what she really looked like up close this time. Brown curly hair that barely passed her shoulders, olive skin, brown eyes, average nose, cute little lips. She wore a gray coat that reached about halfway down her thighs. Really short girl. By short I mean about 5 feet tall. Black jeans and black boots. 

"T-thank you. For what you did. I don't really know what's wrong with me. But I suddenly feel this peace come over me. Do you know what it is?" I asked.

"It's the love of Jesus. He creates this peace over your heart when you ask for it that is beyond understanding," 

"I don't remember asking for anything."

"Oh you did ask. Your heart did. Your mind was too overwhelmed. I've been through this myself before. You feel like something is missing, don't you?" 

"How did you know?"

"I told you. I've been there before. The answer is you're missing the love of Jesus. It's the only think that will make you full," 

I was quiet. I didn't know what exactly to say here. Was she right? 

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you Louis William Tomlinson," She said, sticking her hand out. 

"Oops that was rude of me! I forgot to introduce myself," I said. 

"Introduction unnecessary when you are a famous celebrity, Lou," She pointed out. 

"You know my middle name. How much of a fan are you?" I poked at her for some information. 

She giggled and made a "oh-I-am-so-innocent" face at me. 

"Oh let's say I do enjoy stalking you boys," She said and I broke into laughter.

"And because I'm a fan, I do require taking a picture with you," She giggled. 

"Oh alright," I said. 

"Pose for the camera," She said. 

"What camera? I don't see it," I asked, puzzled.

"Just imitate me," She said. 

She turned her body to face away from the river. I copied her, going along with it. I slipped my arm onto her waist and smiled. She smiled and clicked some button on a remote. Suddenly I saw a flash and noticed what she was talking about. She had set up a camera on a tripod, kind of like on movie sets, a little ways away. I lifted an eyebrow at her. 

"What?" She asked.

"Why do you have a camera set up like you're filming something?" I asked.

"Because I am filming something,"

"What are you filming?" I asked. 

"Covers of contemporary Christian music," She said.

"Why?" 

"Because I love to sing. And this week it's Christian music," 

"How many songs do you have left to sing?" I asked.

"Just one more for today," 

"Do you mind if I watch?" 

"Not at all," She beamed.

I walked over to a log, making sure I was out of camera view and sat down. She picked up an blue and white electric guitar and started playing it. She took a deep breath and hit a button on the remote. 

"Ever get something in your head?
It's nothing you heard
Or something you read

Every had a cut but you never saw a blade?
Brought to your knees
But you never prayed

Jesus in disguise
Jehovah passing by
The burden of a tear 
Hanging in you eye

Jesus in disguise
A scar across the sky
You were looking for a king
You would never recognize

Jesus in disgu-ah-hah-aah-ah-haa-ise,

Ever feel like you been somewhere before?
You hold the key
You know which door

Speak the word your lips have never known
Because your heart
Told you so

Jesus in disguise
Jehovah passing by
The burden of a tear 
Hanging in you eye

Jesus in disguise
A scar across the sky
You were looking for a king
You would never recognize

Jesus in disgu-ah-hah-aah-ah-haa-ise

So open my eyes wide as I can
Blind as I am
Blind as I am

So open my eyes wide as I can
Blind as I am
Blind as I am

Jesus in disgu-ah-hah-aah-ah-haa-ise
Jesus in disgu-ah-hah-aah-ah-haa-ise
Jesus in disgu-ah-hah-aah-ah-haa-ise
So open my eyes wide as I can
Blind as I am
Blind as I am
Jesus in disgu-ah-hah-aah-ah-haa-ise
So open my eyes wide as I can
Blind as I am
Blind as I am,"

Tears streaming down my face once again. It's like she stabbed me in the heart with daggers. It was impossible to tear my eyes off her. She sang in a way that made your body tempted to sing along with her. The passion and drive she had for singing was unmistakable. 

"You okay?" 

I looked up. Suddenly she was sitting next to me on the log, putting an arm around my shoulder. I shrugged. Nothing could come out of my mouth for some reason. 

"Do you feel like you've figured out the struggle in your heart?" 

I shook my head no. 

"Do you think you can do it alone?" 

I thought for a sec and again, shook my head no. She smiled, puzzling me. Is she happy because I'm hurting?

"Yes, I'm happy because you are hurting. But not for the reasons you think," 

"Okay, can you like, read my mind of something?!" 

"No, not at all. I can read your facial expressions though," 

"Um...okay..." I was beyond confused at this point.

"I'm happy your hurting because I know what the end result will most likely be. It'll be complete, unexplainable happiness," She said. 

"Why do you have to be so vague?" I asked. 

"Because I can't dump everything on you now. Only time will tell.....And Jesus," She said, getting up and started walking away. I grabbed her hand to stop her and she turned her head. 

"W-who are you?" I asked. 

She turned around and said in a powerful voice, "I am the daughter to Jesus Christ. The daughter of a graceful, sweet, loving, just God," 

"I meant what's your name?" I clarified. 

"I have no name," She said.

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