Little Things

Fliss feels lost when her big brother Louis goes on tour, she feels that starving herself is the only control she has left in her life. When Louis and his bandmates come home for a surprise visit they are shocked to find her looking gaunt and frail..Harry begins to uncover Fliss' secrets..but ends up having to cover up something else...

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1. Tears and Starvation

The rain hammered on the glass of my bedroom window. The sky was grey and about as heavy as my heart. I missed Louis so much. Too Much. I missed Harry,Zayn, Niall and Liam too, they are all like my big brothers. I am so proud of my big brother and all the boys but I just wish they had never gone to America. Louis isn't here anymore to protect me. To tell the bullies to leave me alone. Louis isn't here to hold me. To wipe my tear stained cheeks. When I Skype him I wear baggy jumpers and a big smile. I don't want him to worry about me.

I looked in the mirror. My eyes filled with tears as my reflection started back at me. My legs looked like tree trunks In these leggings and my stomach..eww-Let's not even go there. Pulled on a baggy sweatshirt and went downstairs. "Hey love, do you want some breakfast?" My Mum asks the same question every morning and I always give the same answer- NO. This time I just rolled my eyes. "There's fruit, that's very healthy. Please Fliss your wasting away" My mum said her eyes fearful and sad. I stared back motionless. "Here what about this?" My mum said placing a plate of strawberries and slces banana in front of me. I looked down at the plate, slightly tempted. I looked down at my legs, I wasn't hungry anymore. I flinched with anger "I've told you I don't want anything, Are you trying to make me fat? Just leave me alone!" I screamed. My mums eyes flickered with anger. The same screaming row took place as it has everyday for the past few months. Since Louis went on tour.

I curled up on the sofa and switched on the TV. My eyes watched the screen but my mind was elsewhere. I thought about the boys at school. A shiver ran down my spine as I thought of that fist hitting my jaw. And the constant taunting about 'Larry' or how my brother was 'ashamed' of me and that's why he tried to keep me out of the newspapers. Then there were the girls. They used to call me fat. "Hey fatty want some pies?" They would call across the playground. So I lost weight. Now they call me Emo and Anorexic Freak. I'm never good enough. No one knows the real me except for Louis and the rest of the band. There's no point me trying to be me at school because everyone judges everything you do. 'DING DONG' 'DING DONG' The doorbell rang, shaking me out of my trancelike state. 'DING DONG' "Okay, I guess I will have to answer the door then!" I shouted in the hallway so my mum could hear me. I unlatched the door and pulled it open. I familiar shadow hung over me. I looked up. "Louis?" I croaked, barely able to speak in shock. He smiled his perfect smile and enclosed me in a huge hug. "Flissy i've missed you sooo much!" he squeezed me tighter "What's happened to you?" He said worriedly, still holding me close. "You feel all hard and bony" I almost said Thank You, but then I realised he didn't mean it as a compliment. Before I had time to think of a reply, 4 other figures burst in. "Flissyyy!!" Harry called out giving me a big hug. "I've missed you all so much!" I said gasping after the air in my lungs had been pulled out of my by all the hugs. "But I thought you weren't due back until June? It's only April?" I Said confused. "Our manager said we could have a break, and we all agreed we wanted to come and see you!" Louis said taking my hand. "Louis darling!" My mum said giving him a hug. I glowered at her back. I wish she would just go away. Mum didn't seem that surprised to see them. Excited but not surprised. "Mum did you know they were all coming back?" I asked.
"Well I only found out this morning, Louis called and asked if it was okay for all the boys to come and stay for a week or so" Mum replied.

"Here I'll help you take your bags upstairs" I said smiling as Harry dumped all his stuff on our wooden hall floor. "Thanks Fliss, but it's okay. These bags are heavy and your arms look like they're about to break anyway. " I looked down. I was confused. I wanted to be thin, but now I felt so ashamed of myself for letting myself get well..too thin? Niall smiled at me as he lugged his bags upstairs. As Zayn went passed he tapped me on the arm and whispered "You okay lovely?" The boys seemed to be treating me more delicately then usual. Usually I was just one of the lads, but now it seemed like they were afraid to break me. As if I was just going to snap in two like a china doll.

My Mum got ready for work and dashed out the door. I watched as the boys dragged spare mattresses from the loft for them to sleep on. Our house isn't exactly large. We have 3 bedrooms. 1 for Mum, 1 for Louis and 1 for me. Although Louis usually comes to sleep in my room. He always has. When we were little we used to huddle under the duvet together, telling stories and singing songs to drown out the constant shouting from downstairs. We'd here the door slam as my Dad walked out. We'd here my Mum crying , banging on the kitchen table. When my dad came home he'd always be drunk. More arguing. Dads moved out now so Louis has kind of become a dad and a brother to me. Louis and Harry were going to share my bedroom with me. Liam, Zayn and Niall were going to sleep in Louis' old room. "I'm starving! What's for lunch?" Niall moaned, poking his head around my bedroom door. I rolled my eyes and laughed. Typical Niall! He's always hungry! "Let's search the kitchen?" Zayn suggested.

We all crowed into our cosy kitchen. The boys began raiding the cupboards for food. Panic rose inside me. What excuse could I use about not eating? Louis made everyone Peanut butter sandwiches and chucked packets of crisps on the table. Everyone began tucking in. Except for me. I looked awkwardly around the table. "Your not eating?" Harry looked concerned. "I-I'm not hungry" I stuttered. Louis put down his sandwich and looked me in the eyes, "Are you starving yourself?" He said it so bluntly i didn't have time to think of what to say. My mind began ticking, frantically thinking of what to say. "You look so thin Fliss, You have lost so much weight." Louis continued.
"I-I must have just got taller, that's all." I shrugged. Louis didn't look convinced. I looked around the table. The other boys all had the same expression.
"You know you can tell us if something's wrong, were all here for you" Liam said gently.
"Nothing's wrong" I insisted "I just feel sick, really sick." I pushed back my chair "I'm gonna go to bed for a bit" I ran up the stairs, my heart pounding in my chest.

I lay aimlessly on my bed for hours listening to music. I had been waiting for my brother to come home for ages, been dreaming of the fun we would have. But this wasn't fun. I closed my eyes and must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew someone was knocking on the door."Come in" I said sleepily. Harry walked in and sat on my bed. His perfect curls brushed gently against my cheek as he put his arm around me. "I'm not stupid" he said turning my head towards him "You haven't seemed yourself since we arrived. Not to mention the drastic weight loss" I looked down " I'm really worried about you Fliss, we all are" I rested my head against his chest. The soft smell of his aftershave lingered in the air. "I'm fine" I said dismissively.
"You know you can tell me anything, your Uncle Harry is always here for you! Okkayy?" I smiled half heartedly. "Now come downstairs, we've ordered your favourite for dinner" Harry grinned "Pizza! and we have sweets and popcorn for after, were gonna watch a film" My smile disappeared. I hadn't eaten pizza in months, the thought of it terrified me. Harry looked me in the eyes "Just let go, enjoy yourself , one night won't hurt. Most 14 year old girls would kill for a chance to spend the night with One direction!"

And so I ate. And ate. And laughed. For the first time in months I let go and had fun! We had a pillow fight and jumped on the sofas. Mum came home and I saw her smile properly for the first time in months when she saw that I'd eaten a proper meal. That's when I felt the guilt. The gut wrenching pain of guilt that filled my body. I ran upstairs and sat at the top of the stairs. I curled up in a ball and let the tears stream down my cheeks. "I've been trying to get her to eat a meal for months and you come home and manage it after less than a day!" I heard my Mum saying. " All she eats is soup and drinks water. She won't tell me why, we haven't exactly gotten on well lately"
"I think I've come home just in time then" Louis replied. I sat on the stairs listening to the boys playing Fifa in the living room..tears streaming down my face..

The house was deafeningly silent as I crept out of my bed and tiptoed towards the door. The door creaked breaking the silence. I stopped. Phew! Nobody had heard. I crept along the corridor and into the bathroom. The guilt felt heavy inside me. My hands were shaking as I picked up my toothbrush from beside the sink. I had never made myself sick before. But then again I had never needed to before. This was the most amount of food I'd eaten since..since..well for months. I crouched over the loo seat and hands shaking i picked up the toothbrush. I looked into the water and my eyes blurred with tears as i stuck the toothbrush down my throat. My throat burnt as I puked into the toilet bowl. I gripped the loo seat and steadied myself. Then the door opened behind me. 'Ahh Fliss you scared me" Harry said surprised. I didn't turn around. I squeezed my eyes shut in the hope he didn't realise what I had been doing. But he did. "wwooooahh..have you been doing what I think you've been doing?" He said. I stood up on shaky legs and slowly turned around. "Fliss?" Harry said concerned. Tears filled eyes and began pouring down my cheeks. I hid my face with my hair and put my hand in front of my eyes. Harry stepped forwards. He moved my hand away from my face and pulled me into his chest. My tears rolled down his bare chest. It was only then that I realised all he was wearing was boxer shorts. But that wasn't important right now...

I lay with Harry on the bathroom floor. His arms wrapped around my shoulders. My head resting on his shoulders. "So.." he said softly, " you ready to talk about it yet?" I peered up and looked him in the eyes. His deep green eyes melted into mine. " how long has this been happening" he asked.
"I..I.. Just tonight" I stammered. Harry looked unconvinced. "I..I swear. I mean its the first time I have..umm..made myself..sick"
"Look I'm always here for you, and I need you to tell me the truth... Your obviously not well. You look gaunt and your all thin and bony...where's you spark gone?" I looked down embarrassed and not sure what to say. "Fliss I'm worried about you..we all are." Harry lifted my face gently with his soft hands. "Tell uncle harry the truth..please?" His eyes looked full of despair. "I was telling the truth about..that..I promise. It's just since Louis has been away everything's gone wrong" my voice cracked as the tears sprang into my eyes once again, " he wasn't there to protect me from the people at school and mums been so busy.. And then Eleanor is just so skinny and perfect.. And I'm so not.. And Perrie and Danielle.. It just felt like the only control I had left in my life.. " harry slipped his hand into mine." What did?" He asked softly.
"Starving myself" I whispered.
A moment of silence that felt like a lifetime passed. "But your perfect..You were perfect" Harry said "Now your wasting away, can't you see how thin you are? Far skinnier than El, Perrie or Danielle..you look ill" Harry's voice spelt honesty and love yet the voice in my head told me he was lying. "Fliss you need help."
"No!" I snapped "No I don't need help! I'm fine. It's not like any of you care anyway! You have thousands of screaming girls who love you..everyone in the world knows who you are..you shouldn't care about me!"
"I care about you like you were MY little sister. So do all the boys. We've all been worried sick since we saw how ill you look. Especially Louis. And we're not leaving here until we're sure your okay. We love you can't you see that?" Harry's pained eyes pierced into mine. "And your mum..she is so worried about you..your not just hurting yourself..your hurting her too..and all of us now we know.."
"Mum doesn't care" I turned my face away from Harry's.
"Of course she does..your her baby" he said softly. We sat in silence for a few moments then harry said "C'mon lets get back to bed..do you want some water sweetie?" The sour taste of puke stung the back of my throat but I shook my head. Harry bent down and picked me up off the bathroom floor. "Harry I'm too heavy you will drop me!" I said quickly. He raised his eyebrows saying "Don't be silly your as light as a feather"

I lay in the pitch black. My mind spinning with thoughts. My stomach felt empty and pure but i felt disgusting and guilty. What if Harry tells Louis? Or my mum? Or what if he tells Eleanor or Perrie or Danielle what I said? I could Louis and Harry's soft breathing from beside me.. My eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep..
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