Yellow Diamonds (On Hold)

It's like you're screaming and no one can hear, you almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts, you feel hopeless like nothing can save you, and when it's over and it's gone...you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good.

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26. Chapter 18

 

"NIALL!" I screamed as he pushed himself into me. It felt so good and right then he couldn't have been more attractive to me. We were a bit drunk and he had convinced me to let him have me in the bathroom of the pub. He put his hand over my mouth to silence my moans but we both knew we were probably heard. His brother Greg and his then girlfriend (now wife) Denise were waiting on us in the pub and I couldn't help but hope they didn't hear us.    That was one of my favorite memories of when I was with Niall. I sighed as I looked at our daughter in my arms. Why was I feeling like this? I knew I had to tell Zayn the truth, he deserved it even though I didn't want to hurt him. Zayn walked into the room and came over to me. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and kissed Vanessa's forehead. "Hi babe," he smiled. "Zayn we need to talk. There's something I have to tell you." I put Vanessa back into her cot and sat down on the bed. "I still love Niall, I went to see him before Vanessa was born and we made a deal. I gave him one last kiss and he quit taking drugs, I went to see him again a few days ago and he was clean. I told him about Vanessa but I realized I still love him Zayn but I love you too, i'm just not in love with you. You mean a lot to me but I just feel like I should be with him." "After all he's done to you your going to go back to him, he's going to hurt you again and he might even hurt Vanessa!" "He only ever hurt me if he was high and I won't let him hurt her! You don't understand Zayn, I need him! Without him I feel helpless and I never thought someone could be that important to me but he is! Please don't hate me!" "I could never hate you Holly but I don't want to put you in danger!" "I won't be in danger! Please Zayn, let me go. You'll find someone who loves you as much as you need to be loved someday but that person just isn't me. I'm so sorry." That was it, I had just broke up with the person i've relied on for the last few months and I just hope that Niall will take me back.
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