invisible

INVISIBLE. I will be invisible. No one will see me. Lighter than a feather. No one will notice, no one will care until I'm zero. Nothing. Invisible. Gone. They will only care when I am gone.

Jinx is a 15 year old girl. Unsure of where she belongs and obsessed with the number on the scale. She doesn't have any friends, they might get in her way of becoming invisible. But one day, Jinx meets someone, who just might change her life forever.

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10. uhm what was the question?

We stroll into ap chem about 30 minutes late. Not like it matters, I don't do anything in that class anyway. I already know how to do it all.

That is what private prepatory academy will do to you if you go there until the start of high school.

We walk in as Mr. Deainiranish seems to have just started an angry lecture to the class about how chemists and chemical engineers are not the same thing.

He doesn't even glance at us as we walk in. Of course not. He is too busy dealing with the idiots that some how were allowed into this class.

At PPA we would have been doing hands on work doing something with labs and interaction. But going to a private Catholic academy doesn't work so well when your twin brother turns out to be gay.

Which is besides the fact that I stopped believing there was a God years before then.

Right after Kaylin got sick. I was only 12 then. Kaylin was my big sister. She was 18. Addicted to heroin. I didn't understand why God wouldn't help her. If God had been real he would have helped her. He would have saved her before she got sick. Just a few days after Kaylin's 18th birthday she overdosed. She was in the room across the hall from me. I should have done something. If I had though, she would have yelled. That was what she did when I tried to help. Yell. So I lay awake that entire night listening to Kaylin sob softly. Then it was quiet. Really really quiet.

Kaylin was never quiet. Not even when she slept. She would snore so loud the entire universe could probably hear her. I knew something was wrong. So I went into the hallway and pressed my ear up against her door. Still nothing. I went to turn the knob, but it was locked. Kaylin only locked her door when she was shooting up. I knew that. But if she was doing that, there would be noise. Even just a little. She always played music. ALWAYS. So I snuck myself down stairs to grab a knife to unlock the door. I opened her door to find her lying on the floor. Eyes wide open. Bloodshot. No pulse. Needle still in her arm. With a 1/2 pound bag of heroin, completely empty by her side. Next to the bag was a note.

I am sorry. I can't live like this anymore. I was never good enough for this family. This perfect family. I hope I don't ruin your perfect little world. You didn't care mom. Neither did you dad. You would only care if I was disturbing the image. Which if only you knew what I am about to say would you have disowned me. Sorry I'm not the straight little girl you want me to be. I am gay. I am a lesbian. I like girls. Sorry. Tell Jinx and Jake that I love them. But not you guys. I hate you. And I always will. You were never there for me. EVER.

 

I was crying. I couldn't let mom and dad see the note. It would crush them. I know they loved her. We all did. They wouldn't have cared that she was gay. I wish she could have seen that. The church has changed, it's accepting now. But it is too late now. And to this day I still have the note hidden in my closet along with the empty bag. I wanted mom and dad to see their little girl a little more perfect than she really was.

 

"psst Jinx!" Stella nudged me

Crap I was zoning out again.

"Mrs. Lacemingid, would you like to answer my question now?"

"ummm uh, what was the question?"

"and this my students is why we pay attention in class. Now as I was saying..."

and he continues with his lecture.

I look over at Stella who is sitting next to me, taking vigorous notes. Her hand writing perfect and neat, yet has an original flare to it. 

Wait, she isn't taking notes, she's writing, she's writing a poem.

What will they do

how will they act

where will I go

when they learn the fact

are they judgmental too

well at least is she

how will they act when they learn

 

Stella looks over at me, I look away and pretend to be focusing on the lecture about who knows what he is talking about now. She closes her notebook. Damnit.

How will they act when they learn what?

What secret is she hiding?

The bell rings for second hour.

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