This Is Me..

This is me.. whether you like it or not, it's still me.

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MADISONS POV:

I precisely slipped my key into the the lock, turning it until I heard a click. I pulled it out and quietly slipped inside, quickly locking the door trying not to make a noise. I turned around on my heel to quickly head upstairs, but to my not so much of a surprise... there he was.

 

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I slightly dabbed the big black and blue spot on my shoulder that contained a few drips of blood. I winced at the pain my dad had caused me. My dad abuses me, ever since I was 8 to be exact. I honestly don't know how I am still alive and haven't killed myself yet. My mom? Her and my dad divorced when I was about 6. No one will ever know why my dad started abusing me, but I'm not looking forward to find out. I still keep in contact with her, not as much as I used to, but we sometimes talk on the phone. She doesn't know dad abuses me. He said if I ever told anyone-well... I would be lifeless. You think thats the whole story to my self-harming? Trust me, there is a lot more...

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*BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEP* I pound my hand to the alarm waking me up from my slightly pleasant slumber. I had a dream where things got worse, and I committed suicide. I was done with everything. All the pain and harm. You probably think it's a nightmare, right? Yeah-no. This dream made me think of something... something important. Something I was going to do tonight.       I realize its already 7:30AM, school starts at 8 and it is a 15 minute walk. I quickly rush to the bathroom and put on light eyeshadow, mascara and eyeliner. I change into a fitted black tank top,along with a blue long sleeve jacket and some jeans. I silently rush downstairs and thankfully see my dad passed out on the couch. I slip my navy blue flats on before grabbing my phone and running outside. "I tell my love to wreck it all, Cut out all the ropes and let me fall" Skinny Love By BIRDY plays through the headphones while I pull my hood up and stick my hand in my pocket. 

 

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The rest of the day was a blur. Same old bullying, feeling useless as always. I run home through the slight drizzle of rain which I knew would get worse as the day went on. It was always like that here in London. I climbed up the tree that was beside my bedroom window leading to the 2nd floor. I didn't want to take anymore chances with my dad. I don' think I can keep this fake smile on my face for much longer.    '1. FAT 2. USELESS 3.UNWANTED 4.BULLIED 5.ABUSED' "Oh look 5 new cuts" I whisper to myself. I watch the blood from my left wrist swirl down the drain of my sink. I wiped the remaining tears off my cheeks, before cleaning up my cuts. Quickly grabbing my phone before heading out the window, I take one last look at my room and whisper "Thanks for making my life fucking perfect" (NOTE MY SARCASM) before jumping out my window. By now, its pouring-perfect. Before running into a sprint, I check my phone to be notified that it is currently 6PM,, wow I must've been in my room longer than I thought... I ran. I ran towards the bridge. The bridge that used to always help me through my problems. But not anymore. This is the bridge I'm going to end it on. 

 

NOTE: LIKE IT SO FAR? There is a surprise next chapter and i know none of the boys have come in yet, but they are soon. SPOILER ATERY (NEXT CHAPTER) enjoy beautiful people! :) <333

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