Dreaming With Secrets

Harry has an odd, reoccurring dream about some mystery girl. When he finds out that Zayn knows who this girl is, Harry wants to get to know her. Zayn however, doesn't approve of Harry getting to know her. Even against Zayn's will, they get together. No matter how hard Zayn tries, they both push to be together. But when Zayn tries to pull them apart and Bethany ends up right back in her past, can Harry save her and get Zayn to approve of them, or will Bethany's past kill her first?
Includes self harm references/actions, sex, drugs, alcohol, and cursing


23. The Press Conference


The next day at three, just like Harry said, the press conference was on. Zee, Bradie, and I were on the couch with some popcorn watching. They asked the basic questions, where they’re from, family, friends, and musically based, where they are but of course, as we were all waiting for, the girlfriend questions.

“So Louis, we’ll start with you…”

“Of course you will.” Louis said sassily, making the interviewer laugh.

“You’re with Zee, correct?”

“Yes ma’am.” Louis said, smiling brightly. I started to zone out on Harry who was looking down at his hands and twiddling his fingers as the interview went on about Louis and Zee. His face looked sad and like he was about to cry.

“Harry…HARRY!” The boys yelled, snapping me and Harry back to reality.

“Wha…what?” Harry mumbled, looking startled.

“Are you alright there?” The interviewer asked. Harry shrugged and looked back down.

“What’s going on? Are you and Bethany alright?”

“Yeah, she’s just sick and I couldn’t be with her because management said they couldn’t come with us on this trip.” Harry said, shrugging slightly. “It’s fine though. She said she was doing better.”

“What is she sick with?” Harry stayed silent. I felt Bradie’s and Zee’s eyes on me, but my eyes were glued to the TV, wondering what he was going to say next.

“There’s a lot she has going on.” Harry said after a long pause.

“We haven’t seen you two out recently. The last time you two were seen together was around two in the morning, and she looked deathly ill and you two were jumping off a bridge, practically naked.” The boys all turned to look at Harry since no one knew how to respond to this. Harry looked down and started to tear up. I closed my eyes tightly, scared of what he was going to say.

“I love her.” Harry whispered after a long pause. “I love her and I would never leave her side.” I opened my eyes and there were tears streaming down his face. “And I couldn’t let her go alone.” You could tell the place was in stunned silence. Not even the interviewer had something to say. You could tell they were surprised though and they too looked like they were going to cry.

“So…you saved her life?” The interviewer asked.

“In a way, yes…but she saved mine too.” Harry whispered, still not looking up.

“Care to explain this a little more?” Harry shook his head, not offering anymore.

“Well, we’re going to be right back and then when we come back, we’ll take some questions from the fans and later we’ll have a performance from the boys themselves!” It was cut to commercial and I dashed for my phone, but before I could call Harry, my phone popped up with his face.



I was begging she would answer. I only had three minutes and I needed to tell her I was sorry for telling everyone. I closed my eyes, getting worried.

“Harry…” She answered on the third ring, making me lose it. I was in tears.

“I’m sorry Bethany…I’m so sorry!” I cried into the phone.

“Harry its fine. I’m not mad. You kind of got put in that situation and there really wasn’t any easy way out. I understand…its fine.”

“Wait…really?” I asked, not sure if I should believe her or not.

“Yes, now get back to your show. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I said, and she quickly hung up. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and walked back out on stage.

The rest of the conference went alright. I really just wanted to get back to the hotel and cry by myself. I don’t remember the last time I cried over a girl, but I was worried about Bethany. I wasn’t sure if her lack of emotion was because I reveled it all or if it was because she’s been like this for a few weeks. I wanted to hold her…comfort her, but I was in Australia and couldn’t which only made me want to hold her more.  

When we got back to the hotel, I went directly to my room. The rest of the boys had plans to go out but I just wasn’t feeling up to it. I went directly to bed and cuddled with my pillow. I knew at times I could be such a baby but right now, that’s really all I wanted to be. I closed my eyes because they burned with tears, stinging my eyes. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore, but at the same time I wanted to take Bethany’s pain so she would be happy again. I wanted to help her in any way I could but I don’t think telling everyone what was wrong with her would help that in any way at all.



I was waiting for it. I was waiting for all the hate to come flooding in; that I was ruining Harry, and I was making him a depressed mess like me. I was the one destroying him. I didn’t want to deal with it but I loved Harry. It wasn’t his fault he told. The interviewer put him in that place, almost forcing it out of him. I wasn’t mad at him, I was mad at the interviewer for doing this. I wanted to bawl but instead, I started at a blank TV screen. I was holding onto my wrists, not wanting to cut but I knew it was coming…I knew everything I had stopped a few weeks ago was going to be coming back, but so much worse than before. I was going to relapse.    

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