Dreaming With Secrets

Harry has an odd, reoccurring dream about some mystery girl. When he finds out that Zayn knows who this girl is, Harry wants to get to know her. Zayn however, doesn't approve of Harry getting to know her. Even against Zayn's will, they get together. No matter how hard Zayn tries, they both push to be together. But when Zayn tries to pull them apart and Bethany ends up right back in her past, can Harry save her and get Zayn to approve of them, or will Bethany's past kill her first?
Includes self harm references/actions, sex, drugs, alcohol, and cursing

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17. Cigarettes

 

The car ride home was long but we finally got home around eleven. Harry got our bags out of the car and we walked inside. Harry carried our bags up to his room and watched me as I fell onto the bed.

“Do you want me to run you a bath?” Harry asked. I nodded and Harry walked into his bathroom. I heard the water go on and Harry started digging through cabinets. I got curious, and got up. I walked into the bathroom and stopped in the doorway.

“What’s all this?” I asked. Harry looked up, surprised by the sound of my voice.

“Oh…you seemed stressed.” Harry said slowly. “I figured this would help some.” I looked around as he went back to lighting the candles. There were scented candles all over the floor, counters, and on the window sill. He had dumped bubbles into the water so it was practically overflowing with bubbles. I looked around as he placed the last candle. He turned on some soft music for me. “There you go; just call me if you need anything.” Harry turned off the water, kissed my head, and walked out. He closed the door halfway as he walked out. I looked around before turning the lights off. The candles flickering made me smile slightly. I quickly undressed and crawled into the steaming water. It burned at first, but I got used to it after a couple seconds. I sunk myself deeper into the water. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” I called. Harry pushed the door open slowly and smiled shyly.

“Here, I just figured you would want some to unwind.” Harry said as he placed a glass on the side of the bathtub. I sat up slightly and looked into the glass and smiled.

“Isn’t this cute?” I said as I took a sip of the wine.

“I try…” Harry said. He reached under the sink and pulled out a head pillow for me and placed it behind me. “Is that better?” I smiled.

“Yeah…” I mumbled. I sighed and closed my eyes again, sinking back into the tub. I heard Harry moving around and then the door open and squeak mostly closed. I opened my eyes and saw he was gone. I frowned a little and called for him to come back.

“Did you call?” Harry asked, poking his head in. I nodded and pouted slightly.

“I didn’t want you to leave.” I pouted. Harry smiled and laughed. He walked back in and sat down next to the tub. I sunk myself back into the water and closed my eyes again.

“Why am I here if all you want to do is sleep?” Harry joked.

“In case I start to drown while I sleep.” I said sarcastically as I opened my eyes. Harry laughed and flipped his hair out of his eyes. I inhaled sharply and watched as he ran his hands through his hair.

“I’ll be sure to save you.” Harry said as he looked back up at me. I forced a smile and took another sip of the wine. Harry sighed and put his arms above his head, stretching. I inhaled sharply again. I reached for the wine glass and chugged the rest down. Harry put his arms down as I placed the glass down. “Are you okay?” Harry asked slowly. I started to blush and sunk more into the water.

“Yeah.” I mumbled. Harry shrugged and leaned back up against the sink counter. I looked at his hands and watched as he moved them to his lap and crossed them slightly over his lower stomach. Harry looked down at me and smirked.

“What are you looking at?” Harry joked. I snapped my gaze back up to his eyes and started to blush more. I realized where I was staring and looked straight ahead.

“Nothing.” I mumbled again.

“Okay Bethany…okay.” I could tell Harry was smirking; I closed my eyes and started sinking lower and lower into the water. It was to the point where I was almost covered. “Don’t go any lower, or I might have to come in and save you.” Harry joked. I looked at him and I smirked. Harry raised an eyebrow as I inched lower. “Are you trying to say something?” Harry said seductively.

“Maybe…” I said, sliding lower. Harry smirked and slowly slid his shirt over his head. My eyes went directly to his abs, which were extremely defined. I inhaled sharply, taking some water in with me. I started coughing and Harry laughed quietly. He dropped his shirt and stood up. He slowly unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his legs slowly. I was biting on my lip, trying not to accidently inhale anymore soapy bath water. He finally slid his pants off than slowly slid his boxers off. Part of me wanted to turn away but my mind wouldn’t let me. I could tell Harry was smirking. I looked up at his face and scanned him from head to toe. Every muscle in his body was extremely defined.  

“Do I still need to save you?” Harry asked as he stepped into the tub and slid down on the other side of me.  

“You might have too…” I said slowly. Harry laughed and pulled me close to him. I leaned my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and took in his smell which made me want him real bad. I moved slightly closer to him and placed one leg over his.

Harry started running his fingers up and down my back slowly. He would reach my lower back, rest his hand there for a minute, then run his fingers back up my back. I gently kissed his chest and I felt his heart beat quicken. I smiled and gently started sucking on his one bird tattoo he had on his chest. His breathing started to pick up to the point where I could hear him breathing heavily. I giggled and slowly moved myself so I was straddling him.

Harry ran his hands down to my hips, pulled me closer to him, and dug his fingers into my hips as I went back to sucking on his chest. I put my hands on his shoulders, feeling the muscles. I slowly started kissing up to his neck. I had slid closer to him and I could feel him growing. I smiled to myself and started to suck on his neck. Harry moaned quietly and I started to suck harder. One of his hands moved from my hips and moved to in between my legs. I gasped slightly from the touch and bit into his neck, making him moan again.

I kissed quickly up to his mouth and pressed my lips to his. I started to kiss him roughly and passionately and slowly rode his fingers. Harry moved his second hand to my bum and pulled me up closer to him and started to move a little quicker, making me moan into his mouth as I kept kissing him.

I came down from the high and fell into him and went back to kissing him. He slowly reached around me and pulled the knob so the water started to drain. I kept kissing him and Harry held me close to him. As soon as the water drained most of the way he reached above our heads and like he’s done this hundreds of times, turned the shower on so the water was washing down the left over bubbles. The hot water ran down our bodies as Harry slowly pulled us up into a standing position. He pushed me against the wall and roughly started sucking on my neck as I was pulling on his hair.

He was slowly grinding on me, making me want him all over again. I was moaning softly into his ear and trying to pull him closer to me even though he was towering over my body. After leaving a trail of love bites on my neck, he kissed back to my mouth and slowly pushed into me. I mumbled into his ear as I pulled on his hair. We both started breathing more heavily than before as he slowly grinded his hips to mine; moving in and out. I continued to mumble incoherent words and began to moan his name as he pushed further and further into me.

After a bit, he started to get sloppy. We rode out our highs and he collapsed onto me. We were both breathing heavily. Harry looked down into my eyes and I looked up at him. Every inch of his eyes were filled with love and care.

“I love you…” Harry mumbled.

“I love you too…” I said back. Harry leaned down and kissed me one last time before turning off the water. He opened the shower door and reached for the towels hanging up. He wrapped me in one, than himself. We dried off than went back to the bedroom after blowing out all the candles. We walked back into his room and he tossed me one of his t shirts to wear. I slipped it over my head than crawled into his bed, completely exhausted. I curled into the blankets and felt my eyes start to close. A few seconds later, Harry climbed in and pulled me to him.

“Goodnight, my angel.” Harry whispered to me.

“Goodnight…” I mumbled. I felt Harry kiss my head and that’s the last thing I remember before I fell asleep.   

When I woke up the next morning, Harry was still sound asleep next to me. I smiled to myself and slowly rolled out of bed then pulled on some shorts. I made my way downstairs to see what kind of food was there. I started going through their cabinets and the fridge. After a few minutes, I realized I still wasn’t hungry so I closed the fridge and walked out to the living room. There was a door that led outside onto a balcony. I opened the doors and was met by a light, warm summer breeze.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking the summer air in. I slowly walked further out and rested my elbows on the railing. I looked out at the city of London and smiled to myself.

“Good morning baby.” I jumped slightly as Harry placed his hands on my sides- probably my most ticklish spot on my body. I felt his body pressed against the back of my body and I felt his hair tickle my neck. I closed my eyes as I felt him nipping at my neck.

“Good morning.” I whispered back. I slowly moved my hands so they were hugging me but also touching Harry’s arms. His fingers slipped up the shirt I was wearing so he was touching my bare skin. I closed my eyes, trying not to start giggling from how it tickled me.

After a couple small, wet kisses, Harry fully wrapped his arms around me from behind me still and dug his face into my neck. I smiled and moved my arms again so they were over his. I shivered slightly as another small breeze came through.

“Are you cold?”

“A little…it’s not too bad though.” I said. Harry slowly let me go, grabbed my hands, and pulled me inside.

“Do you want any tea, or coffee?” Harry asked as he dropped my hand and walked into the kitchen.

“Some tea sounds really good right now.” I said slowly. Harry nodded and went to put the teapot on. “I’ll be right back, okay babe?” I said. Harry nodded and I made my way up into the bedroom. I dug through my purse and pulled out my cigarettes. I shoved them in the back pocket of my jean shorts and walked back downstairs. I slipped past the kitchen and walked back out onto the balcony. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. I shoved the box back into my pocket and tossed the lighter onto the railing. I took a sharp inhale before blowing out the extra smoke.

“That’s real healthy.” I looked over my shoulder and saw Harry standing in the doorway. I looked away and at the ground. “How long have you had this habit for?” I saw his shadow out of the corner of my eye as he came to stand next to me. He was holding my tea in his hands and he placed it on the railing.

“A few years…” I said quietly as I inhaled again. I glanced over at Harry and he was watching me intently as I blew the smoke from my lips. He glanced up and met my eyes.

“I know I shouldn’t find that sexy, but…I do.” I exhaled an airy laugh.

“That isn’t the first time I’ve heard that before.” I said slowly.

“Oh?” I nodded and reached over for my tea. I took a small sip as I tapped my cigarette to get the ashes off the tip. They fell down to the pavement below me and I watched it fall.

“Yeah…a couple of my ex’s told me the same thing.” I said slowly. Harry nodded silently as he continued to watch me.

“Why do you do it?” He finally asked me. I shrugged and placed my tea cup back down.

“It calms my nerves down. It relieves some stress that builds up in me.”

“How often is this the conclusion to that problem…?”

“Eh…I don’t know. I think I’ll go through a pack in two weeks. It isn’t that bad.”

“It could be worse.” Harry agreed. “But you shouldn’t do it in general.”

“I thought you liked it?”

“It doesn’t mean it’s healthy.” Harry reached over and pulled the cigarette from my lips and threw it on the ground. He stepped on it so it would go out, than with his foot he pushed it off the balcony. I watched it as it fell to the pavement, than looked back up at him.

“That was a waste.” I said stubbornly as I reached into my back pocket. When Harry saw me pull another out, he grabbed my hands in his one, and took the whole pack out of my back pocket. He grabbed the lighter, walked into the kitchen. I followed him like a lost puppy. He dumped them out of the pack into the sink, set them on fire, and then turned the water on. “Was that really necessary?” I demanded.

“Yeah, it was. You don’t need to smoke.” Harry said stubbornly without meeting my eyes.

“You just drained my life.” Harry’s eyes snapped up to meet mine with anger flaring through them.

“I doubt they’re going to be there to hold you when you need someone to talk to, or to hold because something happened.” Harry snapped, taking a step closer to me. I swallowed hard and took a step back.

“They’ve always been there for me…” I whimpered. I knew I had a strange attachment to them but I couldn’t help it.

“And now I am. You don’t need them.” Harry pushed.

“NO! I WANT THOSE!” I yelled, slamming my hands down. I surprised myself with my outburst. I’ve never actually freaked out about someone taking these from me until now. Harry’s eyes grew wide before turning away from me. “Harry…I didn’t…”

“It’s fine. I’ll just go buy you some more than.” Harry walked away from me. He made his way to the front door. He grabbed his car keys and slammed the door as he walked out. I felt tears spill out over my eyes and down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and walked over to the nearest bathroom.

I stood in front of the mirror and tilted my head. My black hair was in a tangled bun on top of my head, I was in Harry’s worn out Ramones t-shirt, and my torn up jean shorts. I tilted my head the other way and I saw little small purple marks on my neck from where Harry was nipping at me this morning. A small smile appeared on my face, but disappeared as soon as it came. I walked over to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a razor sitting right up front. I held it to my wrist and cut in two small cuts before putting the razor back. I sat down on the floor and watched the little blood droplets form and spill out over my arm. I bit my lip and watched as a couple droplets started to spill out. I moved my arm and watched the droplets change direction. I had to have been doing this for a good half hour.

“BETHANY, I’M BACK!” I heard Harry yell. I heard the door slam and I jumped up off the floor. I quickly washed my wrist and walked out back into the kitchen. Harry threw a bag on the counter along with his keys. “There you go…I hope you like them.” Harry said through clenched teeth. He pushed past me and into the bathroom I had just come out of. I didn’t think anything of it because I knew I cleaned everything up.

I walked over to the counter and dumped out the cigarettes. There had to have been a good ten to fifteen packs there. I bit my lip and stacked them up slowly, seeing if they would be able to stay there. I was doing pretty good until I heard the bathroom door slam, which made me jump. I looked over at Harry and he was holding a razor and a paper towel.

He walked over to me with his eyes boring into mine. I felt his anger almost flowing into me. He threw the paper towel and razor down on the counter. I looked down at them and realized they both still had blood on them.

“Harry…I…”

“Really; I dump cigarettes, tell you I’ll get you more, and you still do this?!” Harry growled. I felt the tears build up again and a few slipped out of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. Harry grabbed my arm and I winced since it was the arm that had the cut. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes and saw him turn my arm over. He was trying hard not to clench my arm. He reached over with his free hand and lifted my face up so I was looking into his eyes. I was trying really hard not to let anymore tears fall but I couldn’t help it. Harry looked back down at my arm and brought it up to his lips. He leaned down and gently kissed them both before gently dropping my arm. He looked back up and our eyes met. As soon as they met, he turned away and walked out of the room.

Small whimpers began to escape my mouth. I didn’t know how to handle anything anymore and I knew it hurt Harry. As hard as I tried to be a better person for him, I always seemed to fail and hurt Harry more than I thought something this small would. 

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