A Sad Beautiful Tragic Love Affair

They say that you don't know what you got until it's gone. but the truth is you know what you had, you just never thought you would lose it.

The memories haunts, they just come screaming at me in flashbacks..... -Niall Horan

I remember everything but the cruelest thing of all is wondering if he moved on. - Vyvonne Lopez

I can't be happy..... it's impossible at this point -Niall Horan

Then he found me.. i can't decide if either keeping him or losing him will hurt more... -Vyvonne Lopez

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8. In dreams I meet you in a warm conversation

“Are you ready?” Anna asked me, am I ready to face him? To explain everything to him? Maybe not...I want to see him to fix to tell that I am the real Vyvonne but I am Afraid, afraid of things that will happen, so afraid that I might hurt him again like what I did before

“I am nervous Anna, I am afraid of things that might happen” I said to her. My heart is beating so fast. What if he doesn’t accept my explanations? What if he does not love me anymore? What if he was already moving on? Anna held my hand

“Everything will be okay, let’s get on the plane now” Her encouraging words made me feel better. I hope that things will work out according to the plan.

I still remember what happen before the accident,

 

I can feel Niall’s lips on my forehead; his soft warm lips. I was pretending to be sleeping. I stayed up all night whilst watching him sleeping, staring at his face, memorizing every part of it. Thinking of what ifs... What if these things did not come to us, probably we were so happy and in love. I am imaging our future together as we always talked and planned about. We will get married and raise a one big family. I will cook good food for them and take care of the kids while Niall is the one who will work for us. I will stay up late to wait for him to arrive from work. We will build a beautiful love nest, where we could cuddle all night long... But reality ruins our plans. I am stuck in the situation where I have no choice but to leave him for his safety.

“I’ll be back wifey, I promise I love you and I will miss you” then I heard the door closed. I get up in the bed and looked at him in the window. He was walking towards the car. Every step that he takes makes my heart shattered in a million pieces, before he gets in the car, he looked at the window. I immediately hide myself behind the curtains. He knows I am sleeping. I don’t want him to see me crying because I know he’ll be crying harder. Every time that he leaves because of their tours breaks me inside but this is different, this is more painful than it was before. Tears are rushing down my face whilst watching their car fades away. This is harder than I thought it. If it’s not for his safety I will never leave him... He is my life and my everything... God knows how much I love Niall and I will do anything for him.

I gazed my eyes on our room. Every Corner of it has its own memories... It’s like I am looking on a kaleidoscope of memories that every color and every hue represents a different memories we’ve shared, whether it’s happy or sad

It’s killing me to see him go. I never want this. I never want to see him being hurt. I am between a line where I have to choose it’s either to leave or to stay. My heart and my mind are quarrelling: My mind says let go of him it’s for his safety but my heart tells me to stay because you love him. I know if I choose one of the, eventually I will regret what I will choose.

I let my tears drowned me I know I need it... I was crying my heart out. I will miss everything about him. His smile that captivates my heart, His blue eyes, His laughs... Everything.

“Thank you hubby for loving me, for being the perfect boyfriend. For treating me like a princess. Sorry hubby if I am leaving you. Sorry if I can’t fulfil our future plans together. You are the greatest gift that God has given to me. I will never forget you hubby I love you.” I picked my bags and leave the house. I know I’ll forever regret this decision. God knows this relationship is worth it. I may love another man in the future but not as much as I love Nialler. No one can replace him in my heart.

 

DAYS become so hard without him by my side I am like a living dead person. I am physically alive but emotionally and spiritually dead. I am living in a world where smile don’t exist. It’s been a week since I’ve decided to leave Niall. He’s been texting me and calling me nonstop but he didn’t get any response from me. I’ve decided to cut all our connections with each other. Even Anna doesn’t know where I am. I always see Niall at the television. As far as I can see he’s not okay. I’ve been stalking him from twitter. I’ve watched their interviews and it made me cry. Seeing Niall so lonely and wasted makes me want to see him and be with him again.  He’s not the carefree Niall that I know, he never laughs, and he’s like lifeless now.

“Hello who’s this?” Anna said on the other line

“It’s Vyvonne” I answered back. God I miss my best friend's voice.

“What? How are you? Are you okay? Tell me where you are?” She’s throwing questions at me on the phone.

“I’m fine. Where are you?”

“At the backstage, I was so worried about you, you don’t answer my calls and you even change your number” She was ranting on me on the other line. I can blame her, she’s my best friend and she’s worried about my situation,

“Hey calm down, Niall might hear you. How was he?” I was holding back my tears I don’t want Anna to hear me crying....

“Horrible... He’s not eating, he always on his room crying and drinking. He was totally wasted. He kept on asking me where you are, Zayn always encourage him to go out but he doesn’t... he only gets out in his room when they have interviews and gigs.”

“I am sorry----“ My heart beats fast when I heard his voice

“Who’s on the phone? Is that Vyvonne? Give me the phone please I have to talk to him.” I overheard them talking.

“Hello wifey, please come back.. I am sorry if I did something wrong. Where are you---?” he was crying. I made him cry... I hurt him I ended the call because I can’t take it anymore.

 

“Hey Vy you’re crying again. Were here now” Anna said

 

 

Niall’s Point of View

“Why did you say that I don’t have a girlfriend? Why did you keep her away from me? She’s suffering in the hospital fighting for her life.”  I was so furious to Zayn and the other lads.

“She’s not Vyvo----“ I cut Zayn’s words

“Why should I believe in you huh?” I asked of him. My hand is forming into balls. I want to punch him so hard.

“Because we are your mates”

“For all I know mates don’t keep secrets with each other, she’s Vyvonne and I will believe in every word that she says.” I exited the place suddenly I felt guilt, I should say sorry to them especially to Zayn but for now I have to remember everything....

 

IT”S been a month since I saw Vyvonne on the cold street of London. We continue our relationship together like what she has told me. I was happy with Vyvonne by my side. She is a good girlfriend, she is caring. But the thing is I couldn’t feel any sparks on her. I know it sounded like so gay but whenever we hold each other hand I can’t feel anything special, maybe because of this stupid amnesia.

I always dreamt about her as I sleep but it’s completely different when I woke up. In dreams I meet her in a warm conversation, it’s like we were so in love and happy but when I woke up in the morning I feel like there is missing and I couldn’t figure it out.

I can’t remember anything yet. The doctor said that the memories I’ve lost might not come back. At first I  felt so sad because I was being unfair to Vyvonne. She loves me I should love her back but there’s something holding me to love her back. I feel like there is something wrong... I don’t know what is it.,, but all I know is I should learn to love her and protect her,

 

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