Simpleness in which we call childhood.

Have you ever looked at yourself and wondered what the hell happened.


1. Simple innocence.

I miss the innocence of childhood.
I miss when the most pain felt was a grazed knee, which could be fixed with a kiss from your mama.
When people argued over the last crayon or Lego blocks rather than boyfriends and drunken mistakes. I miss when everyone was beautiful, whatever colour or race, whatever size, I hate that society has made people believe they aren't beautiful, because they aren't the so called 'perfect size'. Or that the 'beautiful' people are the ones with the ugliest hearts. I want to go back to childhood. I don't want anymore broken hearts, or wasted tears. I want to eat and not give two about gaining weight. Back when things were simple and I had the whole world at my fingertips. When my curfew was the street lights and the shops past the park was the edge of my world. When I didn't worry about grades because a four was brilliant. The most trouble you got into was being on the sad side for pushing someone over rather than the police for doing drugs and smoking. When alcohol was ribena and swearing was saying bum. Getting paralytic wasn't cool, but solving a maths problem first was. I stayed up late not at raves or parties but rather reading my favourite book. I loved getting lost in a good book, letting it take over myself fully. I could go to bed at about five in the morning after reading all night, and still be a bundle of energy the next day. I miss when we went for each other with plastic swords rather than harsh words. Or when the only time we'd slash was in Pokemon, rather than our wrists. I miss the simple happiness, that all children seem to possess, yet we seem to slowly lose it as you grow older... The smiles merely become masks in which are use to hide our true feelings, when a simple laugh could fool the world into believing that everything was alright, that you're happy. We've kinda fallen for the fakeness in which we call society. We don't even bother looking deep enough. We don't even seem to notice the scars, simple things that are right in front of us, yet we're all to obnoxious or arrogant to notice. I don't like worrying about my friends, thinking of how to cheer them up, to lift the cloud of depression that seems to overcome them. I dislike the fact I couldn't stop you. I tried and I failed. If only I was a child still, When i didn't know about the complications in which we call life. I didn't understand what suicide was. All I knew was that they had to leave, up into the clouds to be at peace, but they'd always be looking down on me, my own guardian angel.. But I don't know that now.. God? Where is he? Tell me that. If God really was looking over us, then tell me why. Why does a lad, he was nothing more than a child really, not even sixteen, want to take his life. How does it get so out of hand that he breaks down, to a point so low that he just runs, runs away from everything, all the little things that built up to be his downfall. His reason to jump. He could have died, he very nearly did.. And I couldn't stop him.. I tried but I couldn't. If I didn't go to sleep, if I just stayed awake and made sure, I mean, properly made sure he was alright, he was feeling a tad more stable. I could have stopped him, Fuck. This is ending a tad more depressing than hoped. But it's true.. I do miss the simpleness of being a child, or not worrying and just mucking about. I miss when when we were popping sweets and getting sugar rushes rather than popping pills in order to overdose. Playing one two three in or kiss chase. When guys were icky and us girls had cudies. I miss splashing in puddles and singing at the top of my voice. Gosh I even miss the good old tv shows. And cartoons, why aren't there any good cartoons anymore. I miss spending my mornings watching Tom and jerry or recess, skipping up the road to go to breakfast club before school. I miss playing imaginary games such as fairies and princesses, or singing along to busted for the school talent show. I miss the juice boxes at lunchtime, and even the school dinners. Fuck me, I even miss the teachers. Specially mr lorrie, he was lovely you see, always took time to talk to you when you were down, and make you laugh. He always helped out with work aswell. His favourite being poems, I used to love writing poems, and stories, all about love and magical powers and such, whereas now its more death, rape and crime. And all the songs me and Ely would use to write, stupid love songs which we used to think were brilliant. Us practicing them for our lil band the cheetah girls. I miss when all we were scared about was the monsters in our closet, or vampires hidden underneath our bed. When the worse someone could say was, I'm gonna tell on you! I miss making a fool of myself and not caring what others thought. I miss when we were eating candy sticks, rather than smoking cancer sticks. Swapping Pokemon and beyblades rather than sexual experiences. Back when my mama looked at me with pride rather than disappointment. I miss picking cherries in the holidays with Ely or thinking we were so grown up wearing me mamas heels and wearing her makeup. We all wanted to grow up, couldn't wait for it actually.. I dunno.. This is more a rant than anything else.. But I just miss the simpleness which we called our childhood.
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